December 20th, 2019 • 2h 9m
Transcript
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this is no agenda in the morning
everybody I'm Adam curry from
Northern
Silicon Valley where the
weather has
changed once again to kind of
nil I'm
John Steed a bright amazing how
you can
do a weather report on the show
like
there's no weather this is like
pre-recorded yes 12:01 we are
almost
live which means we're not I'm
on a
quick trip with the keeper in
New York
John God knows what you're
doing you
probably just sitting at home
you're
probably just sitting in your
chair
listening to the show as it
rolls aren't
you exactly now this is a
special show
and we actually solicited this
you want
to explain what we're doing on
today on
the show yeah what happened was
one of
our producers did and there's
been this
has happened a couple of times
but this
guy decided hey you know I like
John
stories maybe cannot make what
would you
think if I put a collection
together and
we ended you just be a bunch of
anecdotes because they're
amusing and so
he did and we listened to it
and it was
funny to a point of course I'm
at you
know I'm more bad critical
myself by the
way the person we talked about
is Sir
Reuben waffles he was knighted
for this
and Sir Reuben waffles and put
this
project together yes let's get
that
straight and then after that he
did one
of Adam's stories because I
felt it was
unbalanced and that would there
were not
playing that today because
apparently I
have enough stories to carry a
show and
so that's what we're gonna play
then
we're gonna start this off with
Adams
kind of discussion of how this
came
about and kind of a meta sense
we're
gonna play that and that's
gonna go
right into the stories I have a
note two
notes one we this is too
but have been redesigned and
gotten to
it we have introduced their
project
which I think would be
fantastic for a
future show a compilation show
and this
is not an easy task it's only
for people
who really have been listening
to the
show for a while and kind of
know where
to where to where to seek this
out we
think it would be a great show
to have
John's stories just one after
another so
the stories like you know view
with when
you're frozen on the motorcycle
trying
to pick up the chick another
one is when
you were learning how to you
know fight
chemical fires with there's a
bunch of
metal the stories last night
but my my
first time I shot an elephant
gun story
oh we don't know this story
here's a
fine example no no I don't
think so
alright so I'm shooting with
this guy
first of all he's a Silicon
Valley CEO
and he makes me promise to
never mention
that he was doing this he's
shooting
because he's got a huge gun
collection
it's great to shoot with him
mm-hmm
so I'm shooting with him he
does mention
this one side story which is he
says of
above all people he says do not
tell
John doar and the kleiner
perkins
because John doar is an extreme
anti-gun
nut to the point where there
was a
Halloween party research not
recently
it's probably five years six
years I
remember the story yes somebody
comes in
with a you know like a kid's
cowboy
outfit as their Halloween thing
I think
that was Randy who's the guy
who wrote
the riddle and the monk
Randy douchebag I don't know
call my
cell Randy Komisar yeah comes
in with
this with the cowboy outfit on
and if
toy gun and apparently door went
ballistic over this toy gun
being at the
party mm-hmm I've heard this
story Amy
so we go out shooting and so
I'm we
shooting all these different
guns they
get the shoot of a muscle
fireball which
is over the interesting gun to
shoot and
some other things and so this is
elephant gun and so he says so I
actually hit the target that
was a big
deal because you can't really
aim it
because you can't really hold
it steady
enough is you got you knows one
of the
shots where you're where you're
moving
because the damn gun away it's
like 50
pounds and you're trying moving
around and you jazz it crosses
the
target you shoot hoping to hit
the
target that kind of thing but
before I
where they gonna get gives me
this it's
like a football thing is a
bunch of
padding no giant for your
shoulder yeah
big thing and so this gun you
shoot this
thing and you go back about
kind of four
feet just well you know watch
it pushes
your bag and so I did that JC
was also
shooting and I try to shoot
this thing I
said no this thing is like it's
not any
fun at all and so the next day
I when I
took a shower this is a punch
line to
the story I take off my shirt
and I look
my entire chest the right side
of my
chest was solid black and blues
yeah
shoulder down to the stomach it
was and
this is what the padding
there's some
powerful weapons out there oh
yeah so
that's okay so let's not
include that
one but only got two then I
took my
motorcycle up to Tahoe huh the
CD became
yeah up there to see BB King
and I
figured I'd gamble and how old
were you
I don't remember
24 and something like that you
have like
long flowing hair and I have
very thin
here I still have to pretty
much there
was the motorcycle what kind of
motorcycle I was a Kawasaki
triple
burner okay
oh it was fast here would if it
got too
long I get these split ends and
make my
face bitch so I never could go
really
long hair because it drive me
nuts so I
go up there and I go to this at
the
tables before the concert and I
win I
don't know to $300 and I sigh
stead of
spending the night I'm gonna
come back
after the BB King country I go
watch
that ahead of Gracie's right in
front it
was like a lounge act BB King
and you
were doing blow or just
drinking no
Scotch no weeds bad enough with
a big
gouges in highway 80 that you
get killed
just driving back so I say the
concert
stores around midnight say hell
with it
I'm
driving home I'll save the
hotel costs
and I'll just drive home hmm so
it's
it's not quite snowing but it's
below
zero so it's pretty bad you're
aware
that it's snowing and it's but
I'm gonna
get there instead once I get
down the
hill it's not gonna be snowing
for long
Wow and so I start to get the
what do
you call when you get too cold
it's
called hypothermia either I
start
getting hypothermia and so I'm
driving a
little and so I go into a gas
station
and make the mistake of warming
up which
is you know cuz you're gonna be
cold yet
you want to kind of keep you
you don't
want to go warm cold warm cold
so I got
so I started shivering like a
maniac
after I left the gas station
after I've
warmed up gonna so once that
went so I
started driving on the entrance
there is
a beautiful woman hitchhiking I
mean
dynamite you can see it was
dressed up
in a lot of gear then you just
your face
is fantastic and so she's in
shaking and
I pull over to ask her she
wants to go
but I'm so cold the freeze
thing I say
to her and she takes a look at
me like
I'm a crazy guy she pulls out
her gun
she know she slowly walks
backwards like
Homer Simpson says no thanks
yesterday I
couldn't talk how to pick up
chicks my
Jhansi Dvorak I visited the
mansion or
the former mansion of the
antebellum or
the Civil War I guess he was a
state
officer Cassius Clay who was a
Henry
Clay's I think his brother okay
and
Cassius Clay had this place out
and
outside I think it's outside of
Lexington Kentucky people are
gonna
start writing dude you don't
know
anything but I think it's
outside of
Lexington so I went in there
and Cassius
Clay is is very famous
senator and he one time a cannon
apparently and he was an
abolitionist
which was not popular in the
area and so
they tried to like fuck with
him and the
locals and so then the
including the
sheriff and then the local
police and he
had a cannon in front of his
house that
he filled with shrapnel and
when they
came to you know either get him
or
arrest him or harass him or
whatever
they're gonna do he'd shoot it
at him
which was his second Amendment
right to
being exercised exactly and you
know
eventually they stopped coming
over and
he needed to do that otherwise
you know
bad things were gonna happen to
him no
thanks to the local authorities
and I've
always thought that was like
you know
people moan and groan about
it's all
weapons hold her arrest this
guy has
like I cannon that he's
shooting and so
so I'm always thinking back on
that like
what would have happened if he
didn't
have the cannon I was in the
luncheon
place at talking to some guy
was like a
big one of these guys are with
all this
concerts like I used to do and
and I
noticed there's a one curious
thing that
happened at the concert that I
thought
was was odd in the middle of
one of
those songs which one of the
songs had a
break in it wouldn't and they
they'd be
singing insane and going crazy
and have
a break and then they didn't
Jimmy Page
would rip into a guitar solo at
the
moment of the break somebody in
the
left-hand back corner let out a
blood-curdling shriek that
matched
beautifully the timing and
everything
was perfect for the music and
it was
like it really added a
dimension to the
song well actually I stabbed no
there's
just somebody screeching and
but but it
always it stuck in my mind is
like
awkwardly perfect aha I went to
this guy
and I said did you what did you
go and
he went someone said some other
day I
said did you notice and I
pointed out to
him specifically this blood
curdling
shriek at this one moment in
the song
and the lemon back of the room
you know in the corner and he
said yeah
I thought that was weird I
heard that
too
so apparently they were ahead
of their
times with setting these shills
into the
audience oh cool yeah that's
what I was
thinking but you know ever
since now I
think I've been skeptical about
everything I had this book and
it
reminded me of this I told
people this I
can look at a guy and tell if
he's had a
vasectomy really but his face
the face
and I'm not talking about you
know I
just get this straight let me
just get
this straight
so amongst your many talents and
remember John has worked for oil
companies he's a master chef
he's a wine
connoisseur he's a technology
expert
he used to hand-deliver PC
Magazine to
all 30,000 subscribers Bowler
not not
only that but you can tell just
by
looking at a guy's face whether
he's had
a vasectomy or not yeah okay
now how I
got clued into this let me back
up a
little bit oh please do I had
oops ouch the backed up too far
so I had
this book and I just worked no
end that
I've lost this book although I
think I
might be able to find it in one
of the
library searches that Google and
Microsoft are doing I think is
still
around it was a book done in
the 20s and
in the 1920s a book on health
in the
1920s vasectomies were used as
a way of
making people look more
youthful it was
actually a wasn't for birth
control it
was done guy would say but it
was done
for the purposes of like
instead of a
facelift you get a vasectomy
you make
you look younger and they
showed all
these pictures in this book and
and I
looked at these pictures and I
looked at
enough of them and then I've
known
enough guys who had vasectomies
that I
look at that I could see what
it does it
makes for some reason and it
does you
know I talked to people about
this what
it says it makes no sense
because all it
does is this and that how could
it do
what you're describing I'm just
saying
in the twenties vasectomies
were used as
a youth serum people get a
vasectomy and
they look younger and
by a little bit but in fact
they didn't
look younger they look
different they
and it makes your face a little
puffier
and a little more it's a little
softer
or it's kind of hard to
describe but I'm
telling you the truth I have
seen and
I've asked actually done this
with
friends that you know that have
had
vasectomies and just but
without coming
I said I just look at him so
you've had
a vasectomy right and the guy
said 99%
of the time I'm right
how's Judy javert Derby gift
lessened
invert jae-in de la girl and in
Unga
fell Detroit and John rod Mar
and Bobby
there's nothing funnier than
making you
say stuff in Dutch Benj
dawn watt Julie dawn Julie
gender Warner
fantastic that you know you're
Dutch you
when you go to Holland you were
getting
laid so bad my friend if you
just say
that what you just said there
was great
Martin Van Garen Linden you
know he
sends in this donation just to
hear you
necessary it's it Martine for
Colin lost
that Martine from Colin lost and
Highland last Colin lost on
Holly lost
Colin Colin been a delay one
yeah
GERD von creep me out Devon
Street prep
trap trap trap play right here
forget it gear on hit one tribe
and get
it together man what's right
yes that's
right yeah yeah there you go
nailed it yeah yeah yeah yeah
nailed it
oh yeah awesome nailed it
Jaron van are ok let's try your
room
Joran von no don't be you're on
your own
there you go fun our bond are
it from
psych psych strike strike sky
strike no strike strike
jaren honey guy you don't
hurting huh
you ruin haunting ah hooting ha
ha just
don't make fun of it just try
to do it
hurting huh hunting ha if
there's no end
you're putting an end where
there is
none
good thing you Heine put a ha
no again
at the end there there's a but
you
puttin the end before the T
it's hitting
fat looting ha
Oh hoo I say what you're saying
okay
you're right in winning in
welcoming it
ok there's this woman that came
on the
PBS Newshour and unfortunately
the news
our ball has wonders that they
are
wouldn't really go after her
for not
answering any questions
whatsoever she's
Lisa Monaco and you can look
her up and
she just looks like a she hot
no she
looks like a person that
couldn't get a
date if she wanted to and I
because
she's that's no no no I'm not
gonna call
ya this year on video it's
different
she's more photogenic than she
is than
she when you see her me
actually moving
there's a her Abe Abreu
report.com has a
very flattering picture of her
well she's not flattering
especially
after you listen to her wow I
love the
one with her in the bra what no
it's not
her yeah these son Monaco John
are you
making it rain again someone's
getting
cornhole today
John you actually just did a
strip bar
announcement didn't you yeah I
know guys
who do that John I've done it
when I was
16 I did it in Amsterdam do
they do it
do it and I'll play the clip
well no
because it doesn't lead into
the clip
problem but it gives these
things out in
an a blip fashion what you have
to do
here you you're welcome to the
stage
when someone makes it rain
everybody
give it up for Amber you
already did
amber I like Raven how do you
know these
things great from Reseda
here she is Raven give it up
up next bambe bambe edge of the
stage
Wow you do know it okay I'll do
Raven
then we getting them one come
back to
you from Reseda here she is
ladies and gentlemen a big
round of
applause for that critique hot
bombshell
Janeane as she comes off the
stage find
her at the private dance rooms
where you
can live like a king with lap
dances on
sale that's where your discount
coupon
and free private dance card
available at
the bar by 10 dances get one
free now to
the main stage is Shirota
she likes dirt bikes dirty
dancing dirty
boys in Star Trek as soon we
would say
oh my Sharona give it up the
Sharona
Julia died strolling down I'll
be
joining a lesbian act on stage
to bring
him up to bring him up
Joanne Donna these two hotties
can be
seen at the club on Wednesday
bud
wrestling entrance and we had
someone to
forget his wallet in the
champagne room
[Music]
all right John I don't know I
you know
I'm gonna go shopping I think
we do some
Christmas shopping I haven't
even
started that's this week I'm
gonna do
Christmas shopping I did get a
good
bottle of a quality vinegar
that they
were selling in a closeout price
yesterday I felt real good
about that oh
I'm so happy for you you know
then what
I always like to do is get a
good white
wine vinegar I'd make my own
vinegar too
but I don't use the what I with
the
stuff that's commercial buy a
good white
wine vinegar and then you buy a
bunch of
tarragon and then you take half
of it if
it's a big enough bunch and you
shove it
in the vinegar and you just
leave it in
there for about three to six
months and
then you use that vinegar and
it's an
outstanding product another
culinary tip
from John C Dvorak the thing
that's
interesting about PG tipps to
me and a
lot of these other teas and we
were
talking about st. Mary's has a
nice
musical red label which is a
competitor
is that the British over when
they were
colonizing the world they did
these
long-term deals all over the
place for
things like tea so they
essentially have
I don't know how long the
contract is
for the verse tea providers but
they get
some of the best team the
workers they
kind of lock down these deals
permanently back in the 1800s
isn't that
in some way related to upcoming
December
16th where it wouldn't when we
commemorate the Boston Tea Party
yeah the Boston Tea Party is
you know
there's a if you study enough
American
history of course that this
gets pretty
peculiar as to why the Boston
Tea Party
took place but they were trying
to shove
tea down everybody's throat and
they
were also stealing it from
China and
making them take opium but
really that
was great that was later you
boys had
some opium give us the tea one
of the
guys in the papers in the 2000
that word
doesn't word two thousand page
document
two thousand plus pages is
Marvin Minsky
bigshot at the Media Lab major
major guy
I remember running into him I
fight II
personally he threw me out of a
meeting
we need to hear this that tells
us first
who Marvin Minsky is and then
Marvin I
staked out of meeting one of
the famous
artificial intelligence from
the 80s the
first go-round and maybe even
the one
before every thirty years or so
this artificial I didn't he
kind of
write the book on artificial
intelligence wrote a book at
least he
published it well you got me on
that so
I got invited as a lark by will
Hearst
to go into the Media Lab with
the
executives of the Hearst
Corporation who
are getting a a tour that you
were II
didn't have to sign a
nondisclosure
uh-huh
and I was like first and I were
just
wondering we're in the kind of
just
wandering we're just in the
group
there's about one to three but
maybe
eight nine people including the
CEO and
Randy her
and all these other people
we're going
through this thing and we're
getting to
see the dog and pony show that
they put
on which is where I found out a
number
of interesting things that I
used later
and certain columns because I
could I
didn't have to worry about
non-disclosed
being non disclosed on any of
it and so
we're going from meeting to
meeting
where these guys are just full
of crap
and they're showing us
everything in the
place got a great tour and had
a few
right bald comments to make and
so we go
into this final meeting and
there's
Minsky in there with the guys
they had
at the time whose name is
diluting may
involve in Wired magazine and
Minsky
seized me he knows who I am and
he says
what's this guy doing here
what's Dvorak doing here pretty
much
this guy and everybody's
looking left
and right never the stupid
smile on my
face and they asked me to leave
yeah yes
so will actually will left with
me the
two of us left
oh that's cool from what I
could tell
yeah it was at the end anyway
so who
cares and we went out and did
something
Boston somewhere and then as
you left
like that's the mouse guy okay
so
there's a restaurant opening up
down
this you know from napot show
headquarters if you go down was
it
Bryant no Brannon go down
Brannon 2/4 I
guess be just a little bit
beyond that I
so I was what you were doing
this I was
spending the day down in Half
Moon Bay
at the ritz-carlton at the
always on
conference with a bunch of
venture
capital guys right and you know
I didn't
get that much out of I did see
a bunch
people I needed to see and you
know she
moved and I the PR woman that
runs the
ritz-carlton there used to be
my Booker
at tech TV
the Booker Booker yeah and she
used to
and so ignore ins I know she's
been in
fire you could spend the night
you know
you have free you know whatever
I can't
go down oh this is me a good
but you
know she was she's she's a nice
woman
okay all right when you sound
like one
of these geysers on the forum
here you
know she's like Jesus I mean it
I'm John
I say I say this to you at the
office
about women I said why should I
be any
different on this show there
was the
evidence against you anyway so
true
she's a good-looking woman I've
always
liked her she's very pleasant
and a
great PR person she's really
smart but I
didn't know she was a mega
foodie oh wow
and so she's starting her own
agency and
she's going to do wine and food
PR well
excellent excellent cuz we have
what
anyway so I got the tour I got
to meet
the chef and I got the tour of
the place
I did all this stuff you know
what that
was going on and had a bunch of
you know
free food down there I don't
know where
this story was going I had a
point to
make before you brought up that
I'm
sorry I'm sorry
some years ago I got perked
listening to
Carly Fiorina I give a speech
and I
notice other women CEOs started
to say
this phrase and it's the phrase
that
bugs me and the phrase is by
and large
and by and large done it up by
and large
and I never I could never tell
whether
it was by enlarge or by and
large and
what does it mean by and large
so I
heard some guy on the TV the
other night
saying it's um one of the
politicians is
well by and large bla bla bla
I'm saying
by and large by and large what
where
does this phrase come from and
why do
people use it and what does it
mean and
what is it is it by and large
is it by
enlarge it's just I can't tell
you
doesn't it come from like Old
English or
something does it well and why
are we
using it I mean I just one of
these guys
who's gonna bring it up I think
maybe I
mentioned it on one of these
things that
just when I hear it I just
cringe I
don't know why that knows me so
much
it's also probably a phrase
that someone
is implementing that you know
just to
buy some time while they're
thinking
about what bullshit they're
gonna say
next
by and large that's probably
true so
let's talk about Star Wars
oh I have not seen Star Wars
obviously I
would say the force awakens is
the title
of the force awakens it is what
I
thought it was I'd read a bunch
of hold
on John stop stop for a second
I think
maybe it would be more
interesting if
the way you review the movie
you could
convince me to actually go see
it
you think that's possible No
well then
hold on let me get my beer and
then I'll
just listen to you
alright go ahead that's what I
guess
soda
[Music]
all right the review of star
star wars
the movie all right I first
I've read
all the negative reviews before
I went
to see it to get in the mood
yeah and the best review which
I think
people should take with them
when they
go see the movie they haven't
seen it
already it's they're running a
lot in
this movie they're runnin and
runnin
runnin and runnin there's a lot
of
running it's a lot of running
no way
isn't there hot new growing in
the cast
yeah this is the girl that that
did that
energy I sent you the link to
the the go
the coke the coke add the coke
that one
that one she's cute oh she's
very cute
she's really she's a pleasant
actress
she really is Pleasant she's
Pleasant
she's good she's she's not a
crappy
actress she's a good actress I
am if for
all you need and they see Daisy
Ridley
right and she is very she fits
the role
should be great and I what role
does she
play she plays it with the
heroine the
damsel in distress somehow -
Leah she's
not Princess Leia's in the
movie she's
now the general and everybody
says
another thing oh this movie is
just
about how why we should elect
Hillary
what yeah I got a note from one
of our
Knights today but one of our
producers
has said I saw the movie it's
just Apple
motion for a Hillary so we
discussed as
we had JC his wife Mimi myself
Jay we're
all sitting around afterwards
and doing
a post-mortem on the movie Jay
the
youngest of the group yes hey
did it she
hated it because it was
quote-unquote
boring ha ha ha I didn't think
it was
boring
Mimi man she could take it or
leave it
she didn't think much I can
hardly
believe Mimi sat through the
whole thing I'm surprised she
went God
she must really love you guys
so but
it's it was very I thought it
was
entertaining it was exactly the
same as
the episode for the original
1977 movie
with just a few little twists
here and
there but it started off the
same it was
the same story it was a reboot
and it
was a good read but I thought
it worked
out well and there was a lot of
says not
a lot of CG there was there was
for that
movie you think there'd be more
they
still use a lot of models they
did it
the old-fashioned way and when
they blew
stuff up they used you know
they real
real dynamite right
yeah real dynamite huh and it
makes the
difference it really looks like
something's blowing up it
doesn't look
like these phony things that
you see in
like transformers whatever I
see a lot
of CG and it's faster and
cheaper
apparently do it this way the
CG guys
are just over the top with their
expenses your computer guys
mm-hmm
now the movie itself Dom I
don't know if
you want to see it if you not
if you see
if you haven't seen them all no
I have
AC
I've not even seen the Empire
Strikes
Back so okay well you shouldn't
go No
JC said that he thought it was
good
because he would already
brought himself
to the point of maximum
disappointment
by watching the those prequels
that they
did which were terrible and
this was so
far above that in terms of
quality
they're applied holes all over
the place
there's too much running there
are
running and running and running
all this
just constantly I can just I
can Jhansi
Dvorak says too much running
now in fact
at one point near the end of
the movie
Daisy Ridley who plays a woman
called
Rey who has she trying to snort
the the
the know that she uses cocaine
but if
you look at this thing this
clip that
was an interview of her she
seemed kind
of hammered mmm and at the end
she
suddenly when confronted with
something
minor she runs she runs out in
such a
funny just because hey hey
we've gone
five minutes without any running
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what
you're
gonna eat a giant bug on the
show yeah I
just to see what it tastes like
gee what do you have what do
you have
lined up well it's a locust that
deep-fried locusts you want to
do it
right off the bat I don't think
I can
wait for this really give me the
background I just got this
giant locusts
to eat well oh no you know
let's keep it
let's keep it until after the
donation
you got me going I just I just
want to
seal no you can't do that it's
tail all
right tell me the background
where'd you
get this where'd you get this
thing
what's going on first came in
the mail
into the eat the bugs program
in the
Berkeley area wait a minute it
came in
the mail and you're gonna eat
it yeah me
right now
[Music]
Silas jump
that's podcast the universe
brings you
yeah it's like poo Jhansi
dvorak eating
a cricket tastes like poop
alright who sent you that who
sent you
that bug
there's our corn nuts oh oh
I mean you should have didn't
now
alright nice cool the public
alrighty
alright good you fooled now
that Silas
one or outside sounded very
authentic
I'll say very authentic I was
impressed
talking about the dirty 30s I
got a
couple more for you ah the dirty
thirties yes let's go okay yeah
what do
you think all the way means all
the way
means going all the way it
means to the
hall at home run nothing round
three
bases and word its penetration
time
chocolate cake or fudge with
ice cream
Buki do I'm sorry that changed
somewhere
along the lines all wet all wet
yeah all
wet yeah he's all wet Oh what
means he's
out of money no good it means
he's no
girl he's no good okay well
you're not
getting any of these no I'm
amici
Hornblower the blower the
blower you
already blew it it's the phone
I know
the blower being a fun yeah
okay Apple
Apple a but any big town or
city New
York being the big a big apple
interesting uh babe broad
that's the
terms babe broad Dame doll
frail twist
muffin and kittens er baby
that's a baby
baby is a cute sir it's a glass
of milk
Oh what's a bean shooter again
Roscoe a heater a convinced er
a weapon
of some sort a gun yeah gun
again
I gotta get okay hey where's
your Roscoe
bring it my gat I like I like
Rosco
Rosco you Roscoe I'm strapped
with my
Roscoe bro let's beat beat beat
beat
this is your beat is where you
where you
walk were your neighborhood
your place
your biz you're broke oh you're
beat a
deadbeat that's very broke yeah
yeah
exactly
behind the grind behind the
grind his
backstage at an MTV show behind
in one
studies oh okay
big house who's go big house
the big
house the boss who is gal who's
go I
don't know who's got who's go
prisoned
oh the big oh okay got you the
big house
yes I should have known that
one you
should have known that one
that's one
against that's minus one bleed
bleed I'm
gonna bleed him to cut someone
no to
extort or blackmail read him
rip him off
yeah I'm sucking at this game
you do it
you totally blow yeah get me on
the
blower no that was the phrase
totally
blown
blinkers lamps pies shudders
peepers saw
boobs
she's got great peepers says
yeah I got
one no its eyes oh please
that's about genders that's
about boobs
shudders lamps now okay
lamps we're going to do this
next show
ready yeah
blow your wig to get on the
plane as a
president means become very
excited yes
I thought it'd still get very
mad but
yeah blow your top Oh your wig
I've
heard those we got to get a few
these
back and play like Russ
Carrasco is good
I like that yeah what else give
me
another one all right I'm
annoyed that I
get this wrong okay you'll get
this one
booze hooch giggle juice and
mule well
that's alcohol a whiskey and
that's
right
most enough yeah mom is a good
one
you'll never get this ah Brody
Brody you
can ask me to use it in a
sentence could
you use the word in a sentence
please
yeah I pulled a Brody wow it's
like some
massive failure ah right haha
but where
does it come he's a mistake
where does
it come from
I don't know but I always
thought I
didn't realize I went back to
the 30s
because I remember when did he
use the
word Brody and how we started
referred
to the 49ers quarterback in the
fifties
okay did he do something really
bad no
he just always flip run around
the field
like it like he was being
chased by wild
dogs huh um and he was known
for making
the making quick u-turns and it
was
always cool I was I've been
they said
pulled a Brody I thought that
meant just
turn around and go the other way
mm-hm so I I was befuddled
apparently
when I was a kid one more one
more last
one okay it's a bunch of them
again
Bruno's goons hatchet men
torpedoes and
trigger men yeah well these are
foot
soldiers of some mob yeah yeah
hired
gunmen or other tough guys how
about it
one last definitely one more
just
because
you need this one bulge bulge is
resentence he's got a bulge oh
you got a
lot of money having an
advantage oh well
that's all man it's like Battle
of the
Bulge I guess I'm not sure okay
but that well that was in the
40s oh
that couldn't have been Battle
of the
Bulge but they do use a lost
era yes
well so far we have as Roscoe
Roscoe I
love Roscoe yeah and I'd like
you to
find out where that's from
so we're shopping at Tarzi and
there's a
there's a I'm having trouble
this hat
only happens once in a while I
usually
have pretty good line karma
which is the
Karma where there's a bunch of
people in
line that the distances are
pretty much
equal you pick a line and you
hope that
you get through the line faster
you
bestest in then normal yes and
I have a
racist
I'm embrace this when it comes
to this
and I'm gonna explain now my
wife says
you're racist my racist comment
is if
the checker that's working the
register
is black go there that's very
racist of
you John why why is this what
is there
fast they actually do a better
job so
why are black Americans faster
than
white Americans they just like
the
competition or something I
don't know it
just always surprises me how
much faster
they are but they crank and I
always
compliment them at the end I
always do
it sometimes you can if you go
to a
Costco you can just sit back and
watching you see one line
moving like a
son of a bitch in one line
nothing so
you get in the fast moving
lines always
some black guy just cranking
away that's
always say to them you're fast
and they
always really appreciate the
compliment
oh well I should try that
something but
I I think you should say you're
much
faster than them white people I
think
you should try that do it now
okay that
would really this happened to
target by
the way I got in the wrong line
with
some women checker is always in
part-timer and there's a black
guy and I
don't know
I didn't go into black guys on
cuz he
just cleared the line I'm still
standing
behind this
this amateur couple of students
from the
University of California
obviously while
a white guy with his Chinese
girlfriend
Cal student typical a
good-looking woman
by the way she's about 21 and
she can't
use the thing with the credit
card she
could no no everywhere the scan
as she's
dicking around she's looking
what does
this mean he's pointing push
that push
that and it's taking forever
the woman
that does a checker she decides
to get
into a long conversation with
him that
turned the thing around and she
said no
no you want this so then at
these one of
these it's a debit card I
suppose and
she decides to get cash back
and we're
sitting there waiting this
other lines
done I'm waiting waiting
waiting she
gasps he wants cash back in
quarters so
there's just stolen out she's
got a
crack in a couple of quarters
things
asking the next guy check her
over
there's enough get a quarters I
mean
I've got quarters they're
messing with
your busy life I cannot believe
that
they're ruining you know what
when you
get a black checker who does
good work
you should tip that person here
here's a
dollar and I'm great do it
either
you're much better than I get
me in
trouble I don't try to it I
admit it to
the moment of racism sorry but
I'm not
gonna make it clear to anybody
that
that's the case in this
particular area
there are probably thousands of
bald
eagles oh and you saw them oh
yeah nice
they're all over the place
there are
pests the our national bird
anybody who
would say the same thing
they're pests
they're a pest they kill
kittens they
grab kittens little puppies
they're
always on the lookout for a
like no got
little puppies we should have
they are
in the morning to you trouble
citizen I
didn't know this about the e
all there
to a horrible animal you're
you're
you're defacing our national
bird if
myth-busting okay well I'm very
sad
or just say horrible animal
what can I
say the eagle the bald eagle
the golden
bald eagle is that's the golden
eagle is
a different animal oh okay
and there okay I'm a golden e
well the
bald eagle is the one that's
the real
pest and so the old angles are
a little
better I had a golden eagle
eagle is
freedom John how could freedom
be a pest
golden eagle is in I'm in range
of one
if it the golden egos have like
a 500
mile or 50 miles 50 mile range
or where
they and they come around every
one so I
have a golden eagle that comes
around
once in a while yeah for coming
home for
PG tipps so I'm coming home and
I go and
I hear something in the
backyard I go up
to the door and there's a bunch
of
seagull feathers all over the
deck know
what the seagull feathers doing
here and
so I start to step outside and
there's a
golden eagle sitting in the
plum tree he
had eaten an entire seagull Wow
yeah these Eagles are something
- what
does he what does the only ate
the
seagull and he left just a
bunch of crap
all over the place is a mess
but what
does it what does the he go not
eat of
the seagull what does he leave
behind
the because a boy a rodents lot
of
rodents and but but if he ate
the whole
thing everything yeah yeah but
a few
feathers Wow sitting there and
he's
digesting this thing because he
just
finished filling himself with
this
Giants with his big seagull was
just a
good-sized bird and and he
looks at me
this is me a look I've been
that an
eagle do this - he looks at me
he goes
what do you want so nice there
in
California you were in Vegas
John yeah I
went to lost wages Nevada and
yeah did
you lose any no actually I won
I only
budget I know I'm no I don't
like to
gamble I think it's just a
stupid I'm
not a gambler but I do you know
play
video poker machines because I
I know
that there are certain machines
if you
know if you look at all the
odds it's
the funniest thing video poker
machines
have a variety of odds for the
exact
same game from machine to
machine to
machine
and I don't know you know I
mean I guess
and nobody ever looks at these
odds
because there are some machines
that
essentially just take your
money and
there's published right it's it
says
right there you will lose at
least 4% on
every every dime you put it
that's what
though that that's casino wide
uh-huh
but there are some machines
that are
pretty close to break-even on
video
poker and if you know what to
look for
and this is a you know the COS
state and
the odds are right on the
screen and
people just ignore it but you
don't have
to go to Vegas for that you
could go to
your local 7-eleven and play
video poker
can yeah yeah you could okay
it's just a
game I like because I had this
there's
this computer program called
years ago
called video poker tutor and
ones that
run on the Commodore 64 or
something not
close to it anyway they think
you could
just keep beating you down
until you
figured out how to you know
what the
strategy was because the video
poker is
not poker it's a you know it's a
different game altogether and
there are
sand there's strategies
involved with
what you hold on what you get
rid of if
you want to approach this
breakeven
point and then if you get lucky
you can
you know walk away with some
money and I
tend to always walk away with
some money
although I can't say I made a
fortune I
was at total earnings five
bucks right
on so my wife comes down for
Thanksgiving she drives down
from
Washington did she bring
animals yeah
she brought some animals she
also
brought some some dry goods from
Washington State that we can
only get a
certain we'll see stop stop
stop stop
one which animals did she bring
she
brought a big giant dog mm-hmm
and a
couple other dogs I'm gonna in
total 300
K and what dry goods a stuff
you could
buy at these special
dispensaries in
Washington to the public Oh
surely be
open to the public here I
thought you
were sounded a little happy
today no I
don't use that stuff and I'd be
very mad
whoa the lights coming in she's
so she
would listen to 15 hours
straight
of no agenda gentlemen listen
to the
show so she is like it's like
going to
Paris after you haven't been
there for
ten years and you go oh this is
digit
things have changed did you say
hey that
shows pretty good let me guess
no she
did actually uh-huh but she
made some
interesting comments that I
have nutter
she says the show is snappier
it moves
faster mm-hmm she says there's
more
inside baseball insights
material that
you know that we take for
granted that
is very confused hard for new
people to
figure out you know but huh I
told her
that and we had to discuss this
because
I I know that we do this on
purpose I
said we do it on person shows
it I said
well no we do that on purpose
and every
time I say that she's just sure
you are
I think it just evolved but no
we do
stuff on purpose and I said the
idea of
having our own language calling
people
chip instead of the real name
and stuff
like that and we used to use
different
names from clippity-clop
example yeah
she says there's more of that
than
before and it's very confusing
but she
says the way you you listen is
they you
listen what the hell is she
says what
the hell are they talking about
and then something over some
something
grounded and some the penny
drops then
all of a sudden like oh I see
what
exactly huh and and I said that
this is
interesting because we used to
always
have this problem with new
listeners
were the show was off-putting
for two or
three shows it like five years
ago and
so people just until they heard
three
shows they didn't like the show
at all
but the thing they feedback I
get now is
I listened once and if I was
hooked
I've had that comment yeah
you're right
I I think I think it's our
comedic
stylings that are hooking
people got a
couple more complaints I forgot
you know
I've been meaning em wanting to
mention
this for some time okay you
know they
give peanuts out at some of
these
flights yeah which is probably
endangering someone but I've
had many
flights where they say sorry no
peanuts
on this flight because we have
someone
with severe allergies and you
don't get
peanuts well that's good
do you ever why ever said to us
is habit
some people have which is
incredibly
annoying it's the peanut eaters
that
think and and they is this
about peanut
eating etiquette now yeah okay
alright
I'm good alright roll it on you
you're
gonna agree with this you'll
see a you
have seen it I'm worried I'm
worried
that I might be one of those
people I
might really hope not
so they cake they got you know
you got a
bag a little bitty dinky
baguette penis
it's not enough penis - it's
about 17
peanuts in it dump the penis in
your
mouth you're good to go no no
that's not
the way it works with some of
these guys
they have to dump the peanuts
in their
right hand they dump of it like
a palm
full of penis old bag or at
least for at
least half the bag goes in
their hands
then they make a fist
[Laughter]
then they shake you are
describing my
old man by the way to a tea
dirty pan
yeah whether they create a
small opening
at the thumb end of the fist
and try to
shoot a couple of peanuts into
their
mouths this of course is
completely the
wrong way to eat peanuts well
if for
whether it gets peanut grease
all over
your hand which is you know not
necessarily do that and salt
but just
shake shake shake and so
they're chewing
and shaking shooing and shake
and
chewing and shake it and they
throw a
couple more peanuts in their
mouth and
chew some more while shaking
and shaking
it just is annoying it's the
most
annoying thing I've ever seen
hey man
this month they're done they
got there
to the PSN they start then they
start
doing this thing with their
hands to get
all the salt and grease off
there's just
slapping themselves okay John
this is
exactly how am i how I've seen
my father
eat peanuts this is very
unusual no I
don't think it's that unusual
what is
the correct way to eat peanuts
in a
plane there's a lot of ways you
can take
a you can take the peanut bag
and just
do if you like tossing the
peanuts back
toss from the bag I always ask
the
flight attendant to feed me
yeah well
they rarely do that
I gave up on that idea okay well
absolutely on the flight yes you
mentioned this a number of the
probably
a dozen idiots are coming down
the aisle
with this huge backpack ah your
favorite
yes
the huge backpack for nothing
left and
right never select that and the
guy
who's got the too wide of a
roller bag
and he has to instead of
picking it up
like you should like a normal
person he
has to roll it so he's dragging
the
roller bag banging into things
he can't
get in he's backing up and
going forward
because the bag is always
hitting one of
the seats and this was an old
737
someone's soul did someone
swing around
and hit you in the face where
their bag
as usual or no but I almost I
almost
[Music]
imagine all the people who
could do with
us oh yeah
[Music]
and we do have a few people to
thank for
show first of all I think your
stories
are fantastic you said on the
last week
you would do whatever it was
1200 you
said matter boring your stories
are
actually a great part of what
makes our
show so unique well I'm glad
you like my
stories because apparently I
can't stop
telling them I don't think I've
heard
many of them twice well now I
have very
very seldomly do we repeat a
story
there's a couple of them in
there but
it's nice I mean I always think
of No
Agenda as you came for the
deconstruction but you stayed
for the
stories particularly John's
stories
they're just good man they're
good I'll
just have this whole show
transcribed
there's my book there's my
memoirs
ladies and gentlemen well I
believe that
Rupert waffles who graciously
put this
together and of course is an
executive
producer of this program that
he also
has a Adams stories but that is
for
another time this is all about
you and
of course we do want to
continue to get
your involvement and support
for the
show since we go ahead so yeah
that's
why we took this extra break we
took a
break in the middle because we
want to
measure that you people who
have donated
for this show will be mentioned
on the
next show and we'll have a
little longer
segment and we're gonna just
encourage
you to make sure that you know
that we
still need continued support so
we
thought we'd break in here and
at least
ask for it and we'll be back
with a live
show right after Christmas so
Christmas
what this Christmas is on well
obviously
the 25th is at twos no it's
Wednesday so
Thursday which in a lot of the
rest of
the world is also a holiday
it's the
second day of Christmas the
Boxing Day
in the UK the second Christmas
Day in
the Netherlands it's a holiday
but we
will be working for you well
and and
we'll bring you whatever has
been going
on in the world maybe you'll
have
something from New York that I
can share
but right now thank you all for
supporting our value for value
network
all credits
will be given on the next
program must
continue now with episode
twelve hundred
and one with the second half of
John's
story time as I prefaced in the
beginning of the program I'm
doing some
archival work I want to collect
our
stories you have you been
particularly
of great stories and it's nice
if we can
kind of put them together you
know and
you had told the the story
about the the
proper way to eat nuts on the
show on
the last show yes yes yeah and
of course
you said this one before so I
decide I'm
gonna archive it so I'm just
gonna
archive and we'll put it on our
album Oh
nuts story yeah yeah here it is
just so
you can listen to it again I
just go for
John tell us your peeve about
the
fisting method of eating snacks
on my
way I see this on the airplane
and it's
very annoying and I think it
were
resultant and fights breaking
out cuz it
just so annoying to watch guy
takes his
bag of peanuts throws a pile up
into his
palm of his hand and then he
makes a
fist around the nuts
and then he shakes his fist try
to bring
a nut to the little hole stop
throws a
nut in his mouth from his fist
then he
does it again he shakes and
throws and
shakes and throws it is
annoying as hell
to watch there you go so you
actually
produce that I did this one I
did so you
did this is again a use of your
time
that is not necessarily a good
use of
your time but it's ok if you
want to sit
there and ridicule me for my
stories I'm
really cooling you a legend
what are you
talking about back to the
Argentine ants
ok I heard you earlier say you
were
killing ants so I have to think
it's
related to you have ants in
your pants
there's ants all over the place
the
problem with California of
courses we
have ants and there are levels
that the
ants that have taken over
California
some decades ago are called
Argentine
ants and they're from South
America and
they're little guys they don't
bite
you're not a problem but the
weird thing
about them is that
cook they're a collective and
this one
it's the only ant breed that if
I'm an
aunt in hive and an ant hole
number 45
you know five blocks from here
and
somebody comes and flushes out
the ant
hole and kills all the ants
except me
I can wander over and just join
a
different group oh so they're
inter
social yeah and so they don't
kill each
other like a lot of these ants
well with
this sand is not from our group
let's
kill him which makes the ants
even more
annoying now how did they get
here if
they're Argentine or does that
just name
this critter somebody brought
him up in
an ant farm or or they work
their way up
if I mean are they destructive
do they
do they eat through stuff or
they just
make a mess no they did you
know like
all ants they clean up the fact
you know
if you got a crumb somewhere
they find
it and take it with them or if
there's a
drop
oil you know this is if they're
in the
oil eating mood they either in
a sugar
eating mood or an oil eating
mood
depends on the time of the year
and then
they but the problem is is when
you run
into you what you want to do is
you want
to have them attack something
so you
leave like a chicken bone out or
something in the sink and your
hope that
they go for it and then you let
it build
long enough so you can see
where they
heck they're coming in yeah
then you
take a vacuum cleaning your
wife your
sucker my spot and spray it Oh
hand the
extermination tips from John
Steve or
hell it's kind of embarrassing
if
somebody sees this line of ants
but but
the thing that's interesting is
that for
some reason over the last few
weeks I
just have random ants to
looking around
they're Scouts but I can't feel
where
they're coming from they show
up and
there's an ant on the counter
and there
he goes and I smash him and
hope maybe
another hand sees him smash and
takes
back the message that the ants
are being
smashed at in place yeah yeah
you know
the shanty town thing did come
up in the
conversation I'm the opinion
that she's
just gonna have to bite the
bullet in
these towns these liberal towns
and let
a shanty town crop up it goes
on in
South America there was I don't
I don't
like your your idea I know you
don't
nobody does but it's the most
realistic
thing you can do is this be
honest about
but you have shanty towns in
multiple
cities in California and it
hasn't
produced air there's no real
true shanty
town every street corner no
that's not a
shanty town okay I mean how
many how
many is just a bunch of people
hanging
around and you know hanging out
it with
tents yeah no no okay I'm not
saying
about camping should call it now
homeless camping yeah I'm not
homeless
you're just camping oh yeah
just people
camping in no I talked about
you get a
couple of acres you put some
acres
together in an area that's
really some
places you can get waters you
usually a
big water truck that would work
bring it
in once in a while and you
everybody
have their own buckets and let
that let
you build little Slynt
hmm.well have its own
government is
where it's like in Brazil in
the favelas
they have their own governments
yeah but
that's my point is the favelas
are a
huge issue yeah
also at shanty towns but this
is dynasty
any other solution yeah but
they can't
seem to address the problem
correctly so
you might as well just let it
fall into
third-world style well it works
outside
of Africa there's inside all of
his
little towns in Africa there's
little
shanty towns outside the cities
Mazda
they all South America there
used to be
Romani encampments all over
Europe and
you know it's similar to a
shanty town
they could they move I mean you
can't do
anything about it cuz we're not
doing
anything about it well it'd go
to a
fallback position so what
you're saying
is designate an area where the
shanty
town can prosper that's exactly
what
you're saying a designated
place this is
not a your idea alone people
are saying
hey make a designated camping
ground
yeah well it should be a shanty
town it
can't be gratis no good
those tents or no good you want
you know
you want a shiny that you want
the kind
of thing that people and go and
do
reports about people living
like be
horrible and then they show
that then
there's a soap and sewer you
want an
open okay you can have to
design these
things that Scott Adams has got
something like this but he's
more you
know it's not gonna be like my
thinking
you want an open sewer so you
can be a
guest and the open sewer and
the turd
going down the sewer you know I
was just
open you want kids that are
half-naked
wandering around you all dirty
you know
barefoot barefoot barefoot
playing with
a dog with a rusty can lots of
dogs
barking it everything yeah we
had a we
had a quasi sin shantytown here
and in
the East Bay over on the the
the bulb
was called an old ex garbage
dump that's
Oh
or by Golden Gate fields in
Albany there
was a there's this big area
that was was
in the very far reaches of this
is like
an like a peninsula that is
built of
garbage dumps from in from the
20s and
30 so it's it's green now they
got trees
and everything's growing on it
but there
was a huge shantytown out there
was a a
genuine one you couldn't even
go out to
it because there's too many pit
bulls
you know guarding the place but
it was a
shantytown and they let it go
for years
and years and they finally went
in there
in the middle of the night and
tore it
down well go back to what else
we need
in the shantytown I was kind of
enjoying
it we were at barefoot children
playing
with the open sewers a lot of
Levine
twos and now there was people
the
Inklings yes yes laughs no over
gal you
know that's the kind of stuff
that you
make for he's kind of a
galvanized
corrugated steel hmm yes junks
to that
and cork corrugated fiberglass
that's
just got this low scurvy thing
and it is
hot pounded in and and and you
always
need to have a boat trailer
with half a
boat on it oh there's
definitely a bunch
of boat trailers half about
people
living in the boats open fires
or burn
barrels everywhere mm hmm hmm
especially in the winter during
the era
of Microsoft when they refer
they moved
to Redmond they were and I
think his
Bellevue I think yeah where
Burger
master is and I think Burger
master is
going out of business anyway
they they
had a this was told to me by
the guy who
wrote a hard drive that I think
was hard
the original Bill Gates the
book on Bill
Gates is a reporter for the
Seattle
Times and I had a long chat
with him for
some other circumstance so we
started
talking about the book and the
stuff
that he left out hmm
and so he gave me a number of
interesting stories that he
just they
wouldn't let him run or he
couldn't run
or didn't have enough backup
for it or
it wasn't you know it wasn't
the Vanity
Fair type job
yeah I don't know want to put
it in that
term yeah this is the normal
that
normally be this is the way it
works you
don't get everything in that
you want
and some stuff get sucked out
and then
you end up talking about it on
a film
podcast podcast so you end up
finding
out about it so supposedly this
is all a
legend
God Microsoft had an account
they were
big with hookers in the early
days to
the point where they had an
account with
some witnesses in the v-rod
where there
was a lot of hookers and they
had an
account at and I would say what
this era
was is probably I'm trying to
put the
ears on it
I'm gonna say it's probably mmm
early
eighties Bush presidency when
they were
still in Bellevue's all I can
say for
sure all right
and they had a just an open
account and
and this is when Microsoft
everyone had
their own private offices
everybody had
a private office at Microsoft
so we
visited the campus in the early
days it
was nobody it wasn't one of
these
open-air things where everyone
felt like
a drone it was everyone has
every code
everyone who works there
wherever you
did you had a private office
you close
the door and lock it and you
could have
a bed in there if you wanted to
if you
wanted to spend the night
because a lot
of coders like to do that to
just stay
there yeah and that was very
common in
the early days and open account
with
hole with a whorehouse and and
they it
was just you'd go on to the
bill I don't
know what the petty cash I have
no idea
how they wrote this off but the
any
coder that was lonely could get
some
girl to come over and I'm gonna
keep him
it she met the place coding Wow
and great place to work yeah
but my had
to be dynamite that's what he
could take
a cut and pay to work there
Gharib
benefits are a little more than
the free
lunch at Google and I was
allegedly
according to the source again
the writer
he says that the that Bill's
bill bills
Bill Gates's uh
sadly his hooker was actually
the madam
of the place
why is there no book about this
the
hidden secrets of Silicon
Valley and
hookers
I'm reminded of a story said
you know in
California a lot of us eat a
lot of hot
chilies and although not
necessarily as
much as some of us do who are
really
kind of addicted to the chili
and and
I'm quite comfortable with the
hottest
imaginable food except some
places in
India has served food that is
excruciating and maybe too much
for me
but so I'm in Brazil well
you're a
professional let's just be
honest I mean
let's just call a spade a spade
do what
your professional Sudi yeah I'm
a foodie
yeah yeah so anyway so I'm by
the way
the think about chilies for
people out
there who wasn't what's the big
kick
besides the fact you get a
little
endorphin hit the real kick of
chillies
is that you actually change is
because
it burns out certain tastebuds
for a
short term it changes the
flavor profile
of foods and you actually tend
the food
tastes differently and
sometimes it's
meant to taste that differently
way for
you to totally appreciate it so
I'm in
Brazil with it where they
really like
hot chilies but not that many
people
actually in Brazil eat them but
then
they're all over the place and
when I go
to these tourist koreas which
are these
Brazilian barbecue places which
are all
over the world now but any of
them
outside of Brazil they never
have the
chili sauces they hit usually
in Brazil
you go to one of these places
where they
have these barbecued meats on
the sword
they bring out you ask for this
piece of
that piece they have like this
they have
these hot just some Scotch
bonnets and
there's really little bitty
really dinky
little peppers that are
extremely hot
and you look for you before you
get to
the meat the the peppers are
usually
soaked in a vinegar or a
vinegar oil
mixture and it's that mixture
that the
oil and vinegar you put on the
meat you
don't ever eat the peppers okay
generally generally it's just a
hot it's
a really kind of a version of a
hot
sauces it's very again it can be
extremely hot anyway but so I'm
in
Brazil in disguise you know and
I'm in
Rio actually did a little
barbecue place
right on the beach and the guy
says this
guy he's another journalist and
he's
like challenges me to these
peppers
thinking I'm just some sort of
went from
United States who doesn't
anything about
peppers so I I said yeah he
says you do
ever have these pepper sells I
said yeah
those peppers are pretty hot
too pretty
nice
is would you ever eat one of
the peppers
what kind of money this guy I
know is
just a jerk his typical
journalist
anyway so it looks anyway so he
says I
said yeah all you want if you
eat one
you know here we go here we go
how much
Allah he's nice
so he says okay and so I took
one of the
peppers and chewed it up and
swallowed
and it was really it was hot
but it
wasn't intolerably hot I mean
there's
many a pepper harder than the
thing and
he says he says you want it you
gonna
want to have another one oh no
I said
you want to have another one
because he
put one in his mouth and eyes
and he
says sure and so we took
another one I
chewed it up and swallowed it
and you
know and that was kind of the
end of it
for about five or six minutes
and then
all of a sudden out of the blue
this guy
turns beet red and starts
projectile
vomiting well he doesn't do
that but
that's a funny punchline
but anyway so he turns beet red
and he's
like dying sweating his
drinking water I
said what happened he says well
I saw
you I said ID says I didn't eat
the
peppers I just put him in my
mouth and
kind of kept them in his mouth
oh no and
then he says and then when I
saw that
you ate him and swallowed him
no problem
but I decided they can't it
can't be
that hot and so I know I
thought this
was a good personal and this is
one of
those anecdotes show her the
audience
that no no I didn't want even
showing
how the immature adults can be
yeah well would that mean I
don't know
you know this is that we did
this
happened I think the real trend
I'm
reminded of the days when I was
working
for MSNBC
on a show that they'd
established when
Microsoft first bought the
company I
mean first form the company
would then
be sieves that's what M s
stands for a
lot of people it's long since
forgot it
means no I remember I was there
and so
they started this thing up and
then they
wanted to do because Microsoft
wasn't
all they wanted was some tech
stuff so
they did this this this show
called the
site and the site starred
Soledad
O'Brien and she was on the facts
fast-track to become a NBC news
anchor
and so they gave her this gig
so she
could like do a little practice
although
she eventually she got
sidelined by some
other ethnic looking woman and
ended up
having I think she went to
scene and or
something like that but so that
was
really a nice one of the nicest
people
I've ever met so hopefully
she'll them
she'll get back on the fast
track I
don't know it took her off of
it but
that happens all the time
not had to change the subject
but we
have a woman here in KPIX who
used to be
networked at CBS and named Dana
King and
I saw her when she was doing
some
network stuff and she we had
like
big-time news personality
written all
over her she apparently did
something
amiss and then they they gave
her the
sign under to the local owned
and
operated affiliates you know
the the
KPIX station as a news anchor
here is
kind of punishment and she's
been stuck
here ever since not only things
you
never break away but she was
like you
know this is the name of the
show her
business thing is is is a
disconcerning
but back to the MSNBC story so
anyway
they had this show that they
develop
because Microsoft's pushing him
called
the site and ahead sold as an
anchor and
I did some work come on there
and Leo
Laporte had a segment we did
some
debates and it's the same you
know usual
suspect you guys are such media
whores
you'll do anything well you
know they
were paying us okay
anyway unlike unlike
prostitutes they
were paying you well they you
made a
good point anyway so yeah I
know it's
like what's the difference
so anyway the the Diana got
killed is
yeah Princess Diana and they
started
covering it 24/7 with pretty
meaningless
coverage on MSNBC and their
ratings went
through the roof sure of course
they did
yeah and so they killed us
killed the
site and they killed every
other thing
that they that wasn't like
celebrity you
know butt-kissing whatever you
want to
call it kind of programming and
of
course the site you know the
places
never recovered I mean these
because you
know you can't keep covering
Diana
forever they tried and and they
went
right back into the dumper that
it was
in the begin with and they
meanwhile
they threw out any possible
interesting
properties that they had
started anyway
this kind of decision and
making it this
kind of level has always been
disconcerting to me I have to
call back
though your idea of it's the
homelessness experience in
Disneyland
this is an exit strategy I
think we
could create this ride
now do you sit in the ride or
do you I
think you should also
experience for a
brief moment you stepping in
human feces
the homeless are always
stepping in
human feces I guess some of
that are
really down and out staggering
down the
street all Linda if the rot is
the ride
are you going to actually
experience it
like so is it right is it I
think the
most enjoyable Disney rides are
in a
cart you know and you got the
music
going on like you know well
well okay
there's two ways of going about
this I'm
a huge connoisseur of these
things here
we go there's one is you're in
the
little cart a little car or
little thing
and it's going through a
homeless
encampment and people are all
that's
like Pirates of the Caribbean
yeah
exactly like Pirates of the
Caribbean
only you're not in you may be
you could
be you know in a kind of a
river of PE
you know if you didn't kind of
stinky
pee that would be okay but I
think
generally speaking to be better
on Rails
and you go through these things
and you
see all these different people
and then
they have you know people did
you have
you go through the section
where there's
a bunch of politicians trying
to come up
with
we just need more housing you
come out
you come out the other end of
it and you
feel real good about yourself
and you
now you understand you
understand now
you have evolved that's the
other was
the cheaper way to go put you
where some
VR glasses or you're in a VR
situation
you experienced the whole thing
only now
it's even more realistic not
because
it's not animatronics it's not
pi it's
not dummies and things like
Pirates of
the Caribbean is the actual
video is
that you're seeing is
surrounded by the
real extension fills in life
and fans
blowing the smell of crap in
your face
yo and you go through the whole
thing
and you're ready come out the
other end
pretty much with the same
message but
it's just the cheaper way to do
the ride
maintenance I personally like
the
Pirates of the Caribbean
version I like
that a little better I always
like those
rights better than the ones
that are
because you go through you know
City
Hall where the councilmembers
are us in
there pontificating they you
could do no
and here's Los Angeles and
here's Austin
you could have a couple to show
some
differences oh yeah right yeah
you could
take the car through one place
or
another and there's you know
guys
begging for money in different
ways
along the ride people keep
coming up to
your cart speak for money yeah
we're
going to hell for this the
other thing I
wanted to say is that you know
one of
the movies that was wanted
people to see
and we could talk about at some
point
because we were talking about
comics and
there was the movie best of
show which
is a hilarious movie but it has
a guy in
it named Fred Willard and Fred
Willard
who's done some of the finest
invented
most invented comedy I don't
know how
old this guy is but he must be
90
because even though he doesn't
look that
old because when I was in high
school
which was a while ago I saw
this guy
when he was a comic team called
Willard
and Greko and I saw him at the
hungry
eye in San Francisco and he was
hilarious then
and since then he was also the
guy was
the sidekick on Fernwood
tonight with
Martin Mull and one of you you
know he
is his type of humor is
epitomized by
this particular joke which I'll
try to
explain which is the two of
them are
sitting there so Fernwood
tonight was a
fake talk show that was mocking
you know
talk show genre and Moulton
Martin mole
was like the Johnny Carson and
Willard
was that was the sidekick and
they'd be
getting into some discussion
and out of
the blue Willard was out of the
blue
make these strange comments
which by the
way is what I have Sebastian
Rupali on
cranky geeks fashioned after he
make
these strange comments you say
you know
I don't know why they've got
these ramps
on what they put these ramps on
all the
sidewalks just so skateboarders
can go
zooming up and down almost
knocking you
over it's ridiculous that they
do
something like this and then
Martin mall
goes is this on for ceases
that's those
some ramps are for the
handicapped and
and without missing a beat Fred
Willard
says that's bull I've never
seen a
handicapped guy in a skateboard
whatever
the case I'm on the Comcast
connection
today well that's good because
I'm on my
iPhone connection today yeah
I'm just
gonna test it the Comcast thing
falls
apart which I don't think it
will but it
might what did they do I have
to come
out to your switchback easily
but I
finally a guy came out Corey
who found
the problem that I was having
for the
last two years let me guess it
was a
physical wire problem outside
yes
squirrels these fuckers are
worse than
Isis so the squirrel ate a hole
in the
kit you could just barely see
you know
that you'd likely didn't eat
through the
middle of that copper in the
middle but
he ate all of insulation off
the coax
and this one guy who kept
monitoring so
you've got signaling problems
so you
know I'll reboot the river
demoted the modem it's your
fault you
stupid stupid user you guess
I'm wrong
in this or that but it was the
line was
also kinked and then at the top
things
off the actual coax they were
using was
the wrong grade oh wow the guy
was
waiting there's a fourth wait
there's
another I just want know what
is the
wrong grade I think it's called
rg59 it
should be RG 6 you should look
at your
coax s because you may have the
wrong
grade Wow because in the old
grade which
is the one that was coming in
the house
is not suitable for high speed
even
though this whole thing was
wired from
the get-go for high speed
anyway so that
was that and then there was
another ride
and besides that this was the
only guy
this Cory is the only guy who
actually
did anything the other guys
come in and
they are you need a new modem
you know
what this is you know what this
is is
you once wrote an article how
cable
modems would never amount to
anything
and at the time you were right
and these
guys didn't forget that you see
well
maybe there was a one more item
which
was that the line was too hot
and so he
had to put a little like a
choke or some
sort of little it's because of
what
actually happens is you can get
a
feedback loop I think yeah so
it was way
over the voltage it was just
too hot and
so the other attenuated with
this little
screw on thing Oh metric metric
Oh get
used to it a4 paper I want to
say
something here and now a4 paper
is ugly
it's the wrong proportions when
you look
at a4 paper it's too long and
skinny it
looks creepy it's not it's not
visually
it is it's not visually exciting
exciting it's not anything is
horrible
and all the metric crap a4
paper is the
worst example it just looks it
just
feels and looks it's it's
unpleasant
let's put it that way
ok so I feel the same way about
putting
the 200 201 400 507 kind of
thing now so
yeah
a4 paper it's not
it's not a Fibonacci ratio it's
not a
golden ratio that's the problem
I think
the problem what is the US what
are we
what do we have in half by 11
inches
what eight and a half inches by
11
inches yeah well what is the
format
called it's called letter
alright so now
that we have started an
international
incident regarding the a4 size
paper I
know there's gonna be a bunch
of these
guys who do listen to the show
to hate
us and they're gonna you you
waste its
feet and inches is stupid a lot
of
people taking exception
speaking of
printing to your your rant
against a4
yeah oh yeah at least a half
dozen
people that get all upset Oh
usually
emailed you not the ones that
the email
me is per usual if a four is
tall and
thin like Adam not fat and
chubby like
John I had a thought the other
night you
know where a lot of people still
probably don't know the history
of
slavery and that there was the
Republican Party Abraham
Lincoln in
particular a leader of the
country at
the time who you know the
Republican who
said we got to stop slavery and
the
Democrats in the Republican
Party came
out of the abolitionist
movement yes
thank you
that's even better and so
Republicans
were the abolitionists
Democrats were
the racists slaveholding
a-holes yes
okay now somewhere along the
line that
switched and Republicans
Johnson it's
believed okay I'll finish the
sentence
so somewhere along the line
that's
switched and then all of a
sudden
Democrats became the high in my
T's and
Republicans became the
misogynistic
racist anti
is somatic horrible people yeah
you said
this came out of LBJ that's the
thought
yeah LBJ made a bit had some
recordings
actually where he said that we
can with
we can Southern Strategy wasn't
that
wasn't that part no that that
was taken
advantage of what what Dell BJ
was doing
uh LBJ with his war on poverty
decided
that he could set up he
believed he was
setting up a system that would
make the
blacks vote democratic for the
next 1000
years hmm and there's some
recording of
him talking about this and when
that
happened the Republicans who
were kind
of screwed cuz they're doing
this
switcheroo and so they went to
the
Southern Strategy to pull all
these
Democrats that were down there
who are
racists the Dixiecrats
mmm make them Republicans the
through
code code words and like
supposedly and
now I think the Republicans are
pulling
another quick one to get the
working
class to be Republicans well I
think
that's been happening for a
number of
years well I has to because the
Democrats have gone toward the
yuppies
and they've been the white
collar
workers they hang out with the
bankers
and their Wall Street orient
and they
don't give a crap about the
workers and
they've just been coasting on
the union
support and so that was easy
enough to
steal and so that I think
Republicans
are the only one who notice you
could do
this and he's the one who did it
and now the Republicans are
thinking
about maybe making this switch
the irony
to this cuz I've thought about
this with
the Republicans switching over
or
they've I'm sorry the working
class
lower middle middle and so on
switching
to be all Republicans this
makes me
think that Norman Lear and
here's a very
interesting irony the all in
the family
show hmm had Archie Bunker as a
as a
working-class guy probably a
union guy
who was a Republican it was
based zero
sense especially during that
era because
there wasn't a guy like that my
family
was this way my dad was kind of
an
Archie Bunker type character
not in the
racist way but in just Ibiza
working-class died in the world
Democrat
you know always going to vote
part
and that's the way all these
people were
but somehow Lear decided to
make him a
Republican that way he could
make the
connection that Republicans are
racist
xenophobic and all the rest of
it which
has been drummed into the
Democrats
heads because Archie Bunker was
but
there was no such guy as Archie
Bunker
they never existed there was no
Republican working guy like
Archie
Bunker was bullcrap so I
wouldn't say
that that's where the switch
happened
was Archie Bunker this which
may have
been begun ha because it was
like you're
watching this guy I think it
was a
mistake cuz you're watching
this guy and
some were just a working-class
guy
watching comedies going huh why
kind of
think like that too is but guys
bowling
him meathead whoever's got you
know the
nickname is for the kid was
just a
tub-thumping you know radical
and yeah
you know check out the
Republicans if
that but the Republicans were
never open
to it until now and now I think
they're
gonna steal that entire so the
electro
that's of that is exactly where
I was
going is it feels like with this
election people will eventually
wake up
because you can't keep going on
and
you're in this loop of
hallucination
forever no and and people wake
up and
say hold on a second the
Democrats are
racist I feel there's a where
there's a
crossover here I think it's
it's gone
bad we won't notice this for
years
probably but I believe this is
the the
cross the turning point it
could be but
when you have like that clip
you plated
that bigoted comedy writer
mm-hmm going
on and on with hate this is
essentially
hate speech I just hate you
have to
start thinking to yourself wait
a minute
how could you be you know you're
pointing the finger but you're
exhibiting all these qualities
you're
complaining about it reminds me
of that
Dutch saying that your but you
spent
yourself me to cope nor the
health
exactly you are what you say
you will
you know you are what you say
they are
yeah this is worse what I was
gonna say
this is worse worse it is the
pits
it is the pits is really bad we
on the
other New York Times the New
York Times
is in
- somehow because there's no
way that
people are flocking to a taco
podcast
done by Taco Bell
whoever the sponsor is well
they say
that talk a little bit about
the shell
bill we got bill in here from
the shell
manufacturing facility outside
of
Nashville taco shell makers
built powder
bill do at the taco
manufacturing Paco
shell company know I thought I
was gonna
be Bill you played both roles
no your
bill bill are you doing I'm good
we got bill on on skype yeah
I'm sorry
bill so I've been doing this
taco shells
bill well first of all thanks
for having
me on the shell cast I really
enjoy
talking about the different
kinds of
taco shells that are out there
so far we
found that the one that looks
like a
quesadilla is stuck together we
can't
see what's inside seems to work
the best
for the for our tacos but
that's not the
way Taco Bell Taco is bill
actually
worked for Taco Bell or are you
just a
generic shell maker the Taco
Bell buys
from your contract oh hey what
this is
the shell cast I got all kinds
of shells
big shells small shells I got
wacky
shells zany shells they got
colored
shells got hard shell soft
shells I got
shells so you you who's the
inventor I
was very fascinated by this by
the way
who is the inventor I think El
Paso
makes these and that the shell
has got
like a bottom so it's like it
goes down
as a hard shell that's got a
bottom and
that's about an inch wide and
then it
comes up on the other side so
you can
actually stand up the shell
yeah yeah
that was that yeah we I think
we should
stop while we're ahead
deddi 30 that's right everybody
from
perfect penmanship to the dirty
Jhansi de Bourgh i goes back in
time to
tell us all the cool phrases
that we
heard hey you got that voice
down yeah
yeah I'm famous for it that
only works
in the music I can't do without
the
music yeah because you get into
the
rhythm hmm that's pretty good
uh yeah I
like that voice okay we were at
Cadillac
I believe which is the last
term on this
page that was a Cadillac
Cadillac
Cadillac I don't recall what
Cadillac he
was a 1 ounce pack of cocaine
or heroin
ah yes how could I forget
canary and
then cats or alligators we got
that cave
we got that okay here we go
this new
check or checker cab no $1 okay
check
give me a check ah what I
wonder with a
homology of that is checker a
check I
have no idea I did might be
worth
looking into this one you might
be able
to guess a Chicago overcoat
I know Chicago boots because
Chicago
boots is when they throw you in
the
river way down it has to do
something
with gangsters killing yeah uh
it means
a coffin ah yes you're a closer
okay
good a Chicago typewriter
that's a cago typewriter yeah
uh I give
up a Thompson submachine of
course I
could have known that one I've
heard it
yes I've heard the reference a
typewriter yeah that's also the
synonyms
are chopper yeah and get ya get
Gatling
a Gatling gun a gun yeah okay a
chisel
chin the guy's a chiseler
uh-huh I don't
know swindler a cheat and it
works at an
angle mm-hmm okay here's here's
one of
my favorites cinder dick cinder
dick I'm
writing it down as a possible
show title
regardless
dick can use a cinder dick in a
sentence
hey let's get out of these
boxcars
before the cinder dick comes
along ah so
that's the conductor of the
police the
railroad police railroad
detective there
you go all right I couple more
and they
will close the segment uh dog
soup dog
soup innocent sometimes
sometimes known
as City juice I'm gonna pass
hey Mabel
give me a glass of that city
juice
I'll water gotcha
clambake has something to do
with
lesbians but I'm not sure now
it's a
wild swing nice try a clip
joint clip
joint yeah hmm a whorehouse a
nightclub
or gambling joint where patrons
get flim
flam flim flam's flim flam
copper
policeman yes Krum a small-time
criminal
a Fink or a loser by social
standards I
think you're back in you're
gonna have
to perform I know I think you
got a full
point okay thank you
a crust crust hmm well of
course I need
to get a pie crust in mind
trust now it
means to insult Oh to diss
gotcha yeah
my belt curse dis dis crust
crust dis ya
curve curve yeah and I think
you need
the context boy that threw me a
curve
unexpected then disappoint this
Oh
disappointment okay yeah
I don't know why this is on
here but
I'll read it it'll be our last
one cute
as a bug's ear means very cute
let me do
another one that was that's not
a really
good one no a a cement mixer
cement mixer well maybe that's
the guy
who kills the guy yeah a cement
mixer
was do is slang for a bad
dancer no okay
that's not the best one I
always want
something I can use in modern
now very
few I mean we have detectives
and X
which is dick Shamus gumshoe and
flatfoot I'm girls I think
there's no
I'm going to cinder dick just
for
everything you know it's not a
dirty
thirty but someone sent me a
term that
I've use that we used to use in
the 70s
which I liked synonymous for
television
the boob tube
yeah the boob tube I think
that's still
in play really mmm-hmm I think
so
you know I did have column in PC
Magazine sometime in the 90s I
recall
because I was kind of annoyed
by the
word nerd okay and so and no
one had
ever done an entomology of the
word and
I mean they did but they were
all laying
lame and they're all guessing
it was
almost like you know that again
the
twelve-year-old saying I think
it came
from here I think it came from
there
right and and they were getting
it from
Nair do well which made no
sense to me
whatsoever so I started doing
as much
research as I could and I
finally
tracked it down and then I
checked with
with dr. Seuss from the White
House
literally and it came from a
1950s book
if I ran the zoo that's the
first use of
the word nerd and I'd know I
could find
no predating of since night
from 1950 I
couldn't find anything in the
forties
thirties of anyone ever using
the word
it began usage with this
character and
there was a little bitty nerdy
looking
guy so I made nothing but sense
to me
that this was with the animal
it's a
made-up word made up by dr.
Seuss yeah
cool so it's made it by dr.
Seuss as a
nerd and so on and so I
confirmed it with soos and and
his
assistant and the guy says his
named
can't remember his first name
good
writer and he was a pre old
then but he
did note he made it up and he
didn't
realize that it was there you
know it
was the formation of the word
nerd I
wrote this all this history out
and so
then so I thought it was kind
of cool
that I develop you know found
out the
origins of this word and so
then I went
and then to do kind of the
kicker to the
story is I went to the
Universal Studios
park in Orlando and they had an
if I ran
the zoo exhibit hmm the nerd
was not in
it and so you complained
bitterly no
doubt well it just seems to me
that of
all the things and in this
modern age
that you'd want in this once I
was in a
party I won't say whose place
but it's
one of these guys I think
actually I
think I think it was the CEOs
of into it
and there's a big mansion Scott
and so
there's this party there and
there was
something I was in one of the
rooms
talking to somebody and there's
this one
very cynical guy making me look
like a
normal guy and we're talking
about well
you know there's a lot of you
know I was
I was actually promoting that
the valley
thing is you know way that a
lot of
ideas and stuff were generated
and I was
I don't know why I was so up
tempo you
were smoking the dope
now I was not smoking anything
in fact
there was really I wasn't even
drinking
much maybe that's the problem
but anyway whatever the case
this guy
says what are you talking about
he says
this whole thing is just a big
scam all
these guys are just a bunch of
salesman
selling crap to the public
there's like
there's nothing to it it's
shallow it's
just making money from the
making of
money sake and he went on and
on and I'm
with the thing I walked away
going you
know what he's right so anyway
there's a
very interesting story here in
the u.s.
that people should fall on and
we have a
thing on the blog called the
police
state news bulletin and this is
the more
interesting one this is the most
interesting one recently it
looks like
in a park in Columbus Ohio the
police
decided to take one of their
officers
and strip her naked and she was
they put
her in the park to see what
kind of
perverts they could lure this
is our
picture and there's kind of a
blurry
picture you can see it's
nothing it
looks like just a naked girl in
the park
you know that because I've been
in the
Berkeley area I mean this is
like a I
don't know how they do it here
but
anyway so they used to have
these naked
sit-ins in Berkeley
if they still do them it's
horrible by
the way it's like something you
don't
ever want to see it's like just
a lot of
naked miss shapen people and
you just
shaking your cringy actually
you get you
you're like have you have the
shakes for
about a week after you
witnessed this
anyway so this woman was there
and some
guy who happen to be a
firefighter goes
over there and he says you know
he says
well a naked girl in the park
this is
interesting so it goes with
research
chatting with her and then she
starts
you know doing everything short
of
fondling him she puts her legs
on him
and she's you know flirting and
she tell
us she you know says what so
what do you
got inside there big boy kind
of thing
and so it was their camera I
mean what
was this like a reality show
yeah no it
wasn't a reality show it was it
wasn't
that crazy you know NBC yeah
yeah but it
was so but they kind I do have
it
videoed and it's available you
can link
to it from the original site
and the so
they arrest this guy for you
know I've
never you know because he's
obviously
must yeah you know if you're if
you're a
heterosexual male attracted to
a naked
girl you're a pervert and so
they found
and he's a firefighter which is
really
do bad
yeah and sexually he went they
were
right but they found him guilty
and they
couldn't do anything about the
entrapment laws or anything
like that
and some people people in my
blog
pointed out that some of the
entrapment
laws have actually been
circumvented by
new legislation that's been
slipped in
where it's legal to do anything
of
course and so and meanwhile
stories on
top of the story that's even
more
ludicrous which is take
two tops that you know patrol
the subway
system are leaving objects
laying around
like a wallet or an iPod and if
somebody
picks one of these things up
boom you
got Joe does it you get it for
whatever
I'm not even sure what the
crime is but
they figure it's a crime and so
they've
arrested over 300 citizens who
just pick
stuff up even though in New
York there's
a law that says if you find
something
valuable you have you have ten
days to
turn it in they don't care they
just
rest them anyway because this
is one way
to get your numbers up big news
came out
as we kind of expected Amazon
has part
well we're not gonna say Amazon
will say
doorbell camera company ring
owned by
Amazon has partnered with for
hundreds
police forces across the United
States
granting them potential access
to
homeowners camera footage and a
powerful
role in what the community
calls the
nation's new neighborhood watch
the
partnership allows police to
automatically request video
recorded by
homeowners cameras within a
specific
time and area helping officers
see
footage from the companies
millions of
Internet connected cameras
installed
nationwide read that again
helping
officers see footage from the
companies
millions of Internet connected
cameras
installed nationwide now you're
the
company's customers but ok
they're yours
I guess probably in the EULA
officers
will not receive ongoing or
live video
access and homeowners can
decline the
requests which ring sends via
email and
I have a feeling that if you
don't
respond they just do it anyway
and why
the hell wouldn't they allow
access
regardless of what you say this
is so
bad we have created a security
state in
our own neighborhoods everybody
on my
street has them you cannot walk
on my
street without
someone's seeing you you must
obey
that's exactly what it is I I
find this
very disturbing and I don't
know what to
do you can't vandalize them
because
everyone sees you're walking up
so I
don't know what is there any any
thinking on how we can you can
vandalize
them yeah but I don't want to
be comp
and Eliza no here's how you do
it no tip
for any vandals out there and we
probably over a few few
listeners who
are or vandals you know the
humor the
humorous ones you put a ski
mask on run
out of your house as fast as
you can but
first you first of all you
block put a
piece of wood or something in
front of
your own whirring oh I didn't
know is
there I gotta take notes hold
on okay
put block of wood wood wood yes
would
put a ski mask on grab a spray
can of do
I need a rope for this is well
just a
spray can of black like a
maggot hat use
rust-oleum paint discussing the
chemicals in there that might
scratch up
the blends yeah and then run
over to
your neighbors and spray them
thing as
fast as you can making sure
that you're
not being you can't be seen
from other
ring doorbells good leaving
your own
house if you can make sure that
then you
can do it no the the whole
street is
while we're honest cul-de-sac
so we're
blanketed all the way around I
don't
think you can see your porch
from
another house the minute you
get on the
street everybody can see you so
the
minute you walk out your
driveway
everybody can see me in this
configuration where we're gonna
cul-de-sac that's that's where
we live
so I don't like your idea I
wish there
was something I wish I could
can you
destroy him with a laser you
know kind
of shine a laser well that used
to ruin
cameras that won't work anymore
will it
I don't think a laser is gonna
do much I
mean it's possible from a
distance if
you had a high enough foot
laser which
is probably illegal at the
begin with
some you don't want to play
with you
could probably blast them
you know one at a time but you
have to
be a pretty good shot yeah yeah
but
again you know you oh maybe a
drone
maybe a drone with a spray can
attachment or something that's
an only
spray can attachment ordered
like good
is one of those drones that
holds like a
45 and she's the judge strap
the judge
to my drone will take care of
that for
you okay well what I hate the
most about
TV I think is what you were
referring to
it's okay just go ahead so I
want you to
play this is what I hate the
most about
TV I spend there you saw two
examples of
it I saw it on Shark Tank does
this
constantly and I don't like the
show I
don't like Shark Tank bunch a
glib guy
yeah you know it's just it's um
it's
just not if I don't like the
show you
know they asked me they don't
like do
you know they asked me to be on
that
show as with the product as if
I was a
shark oh why don't you do it
well I'll
tell you why they call up and I
say hey
that'd be great I'd be
fantastic on the
show I think I can evaluate two
pitches
I've been through a couple I
said okay
and you'll invest I said I'm
not gonna
invest a dime in any of that
crap no you
have to actually invest it way
see
you're telling me that you
don't you
don't have a budget that gives
these
Schmucks with their ideas some
money
these all these sharks invest
their own
money they really do it yeah
they really
do it's okay I'm out
[Music]
what am I gonna hey I will take
50% of
your company for 800 dollars
and 32
cents for my podcast money so
they must
think you're loaded wow this is
a long
time ago no when you were
loaded yeah
yes yeah and even anyway I'm
not doing
that we're gonna sit on your TV
show for
this no but that have been fun
no anyway so they do this on
the show
they do it I did Ramzi does it
this is
from the cooking show one of
the ones
where they have their home
cooks and
they all come out and Ramsay
can't
really yell and scream at them
too much
and they do it on a lot of it
they do
this on the voice they do this
on they
do this on all the shows and I
just AM
sick
but he's played this clip and
trying to
think oh I got it here we go
using Nutella but sadly there
can only
be one winner the home cook
received a
major advantage and the upcoming
challenge
that person is
[Music]
it's time for a getaway yes yes
yeah
yeah well of course we're doing
that you
wait for the reveal and then
commercial
break so every one of these
things
because television the way it
is now
there's other things to watch
yeah and
so when they do this you and
they go to
the commercial and if it's on
the DVR I
mean if it's on the DVR just
skip the
commercials anyway but they go
and
here's and so I done this case
I said
I'll rap and so I went and start
watching there's something I
never went
back to the show never went
back to the
show I don't know who won
looking back
on who cares this is just a
stupid show
TV we're watching too much TV
anyway and
I'm not gonna be suckered by
one of
these these oh and the winner
is and
then they cut to a commercial
and then
you have to watch a bunch of
commercials
you know what I don't care who
the
winner is that is no as we used
to say
in the olden days it's no sweat
off my
balls I always heard back but
maybe
California had a different
saying this
is a phenomenon I have in my
house oh
okay people said sim this is
phenomenon
and so I here at and the volume
you're
gonna hear this that is what
I'm hearing
and play the Mockingbird clip
and this
is what I'm hearing in my in my
downstairs um this is MKULTRA
man no I
so I am multi Mockingbird so I
have a
Mockingbird I've always had
mockingbirds
in the area there's then this
by the way
this is if you want to play a
little
more things about this bird
this bird
has no talent he should be
ashamed of
himself he's got no rhythm he's
got no
song is just you know doing his
normal
Mockingbird thing he stinks
I've had
plenty of mocking birds that
can do a
variety of noises that are just
astonishing
this now this guy does have a
car horn
I'll play it you can play that
car alarm what the bird this
bird has a
car alarm
they all do this this is a
recording
play in the background as I
explained
this is a recording that you
put on your
trading website right no this
is no
that's the birds if that's a
Holland
thing this is no this I'm gonna
post
this but I haven't yet and what
it is is
that that this Mockingbird or
any
Mockingbird but this particular
one in
again on top of the chimney
uh-huh and
he uses the chimney itself as a
residence vehicle to make his
voice have
you considered shooting him
with a BB
gun no I'm not shooting oh you
can't
shoot mockingbirds they had a
nice
little thing said that you
could play in
the background as I'm playing
in the
background
so he's guy he gets on top of
their
chimney and he starts you know
getting
its way up there so he makes a
bunch of
racket and it goes straight
down the
chimney into the house no yes
at this volume and you go off
the
Mockingbird and did you light a
fire no
no but I did take the recorder
I took a
h2 and I stuck it in them in
the firebox
room says standing wave
Mockingbird so
the Mockingbird so it makes it
so when
you're in the house it sounds
like the
Mockingbird is in the house
got it so it's actually quite
amusing to
me but I and I will give it a
washing
detergent tip for people out
there who
listen to know again the show
for these
polar air hold on
gentlemen a washing machine tip
from
John C Dvorak okay so I was a
of course
a part of my job I was meeting
with in
some situation with Colgate
Palmolive
and they told my giving this
tip before
on the show but I think people
should
you know it if you're going to
buy
detergents whether it's
dishwashing
detergent or laundry detergent
or
anything that's you expect to
clean
something with always get the
liquid
always the liquid yes and
here's the
reason okay I was told what's
happened
over the years is some of the
stuff that
the laundry detergent was first
discovered was they they lets a
bunch of
the soaps that they made dry up
and it
became flakes and so they
developed a
laundry detergent it was just a
powder
and you dump it in and you
clean with it
but over the years basically a
secondary
product it was a byproduct of
the
original yeah but you can't but
what
happened was they banned all the
phosphates and other chemicals
that used
to be great cleaners that you
could turn
into powder and watch them ban
them was
it killing people no is that
environmental it was the EPA
and others
because it was making like
blooms of
algae and lakes and it was
causing you
know water lilies to grow out
of control
it was it was a it's a food for
the the
phosphates or a food for plant
life and
so it was a problem so they
banned all
the stuff so they had to
reformulate to
produce these new chemicals
that did as
good a job of cleaning but they
could
not make it into a powder no it
wouldn't
powder eyes so they started
selling this
idea of liquid and so liquid if
you want
to have anything that actually
cleans
unless you're in Mexico where
they still
sell the old original stuff but
if you
want to in the United States if
you want
anything that actually cleans
and and
works it has to be liquid now
first of
all thank you for this tip that
is John
let me just giant ladies and
gentlemen
John C Devore
and only the tip as he is no
mr. tip
would you since you know of
course we
talk about all kinds of
products on the
show products that we like
products that
we don't like because we're not
paid are
no advertisement I would like
to know
what is your liquid detergent
of choice
I'd you liked I'd know pretty
universal
I'll buy anything if it's on
sale so I
use tide I use era I use all I
use all
that I use depends but but tide
I
believe to be probably one of
the best
formulations you could buy
especially
the ones and but there's a lot
of
different formulations you have
to come
and pick and choose which one
you want
if you want the the fake bleach
that's
inside which is actually an
inside I'll
tell you I I'm a tide man myself
yeah and that is because with
for the
three months I went to college
in West
Virginia my roommate Tyree
Hamilton from
Newark black kid he he taught
me how to
wash my clothes properly he
also taught
me how to moisturize let me
tell ya the
black guys know how to stir
eyes and and
so and he said tied man nothing
ever
it's only tied he did there was
no I
don't remember if we I think we
had
liquid but I've been a tide
that tied
man ever since so when I was in
high
school I was one of the lucky /
unlucky
appointees to the Model UN one
of those
kids that was in the Model UN
they have
this around orange robe list
earlier on
how interesting oh yeah
absolutely and
so the model you our mock you
in I think
was also called buzz the Model
UN and
they every school got to send
two
representatives as though it
was a
country to the mock the Model
UN and I
think it was in Berkeley they
had it of
course that one of the big
auditoriums
at Cal and so we all went there
and
stayed in the hotel they put us
up in a
hotel in downtown Berkeley and
me advice
pal was Bill Katie we ended up
spending
most of our time tossing toilet
paper
rolls out the window to see if
they
would unravel and make a
streamer but
during the Model UN you learned
Robert's
Rules of Order which have all
these
points of order points of
information
points at this point at that
points at
this points of that and there's
a route
there's a relatively maybe
there's about
12 of them but in that event
that you
were listening to they had they
were
making some up I mean there was
there
was no but there's no such
thing as
being a point of cliche or
whatever one
personal privilege no point of
personal
privilege is one of them
pointless
debate points point of
information
that's one of them I think it
was point
of debate or something they
said that
was not one of them but all of
sudden
was a point of orders the main
when
point of information pointed
the point
of personal privilege those are
all real
and so when you went to this
thing it
was a big UN's assembly and it
had you
had little signage and you sat
there
like like one of those UN
ambassadors
and you and they I don't know
what they
accomplished I do know that it
kind of
was childish in the way that we
just
witnessed with the DSA it was a
lot of
point at this point of that
everyone's
trying to show off that they
know the
rules and so they wanted to say
something we didn't have the
pronoun
thing obviously but it was in
it that's
what I was reminded of I was
reminded of
kind of a high school group you
know
trying to you know figure out
the world
and they're kept there in some
fake
meeting it was it was borderline
pathetic I was at one time it
was a
sales guy that took a liking to
me
because he couldn't sell me
anything so
he he was insurance guy this
when I was
in college and he and I have
pretty
decent not great sales
resistance and
I've run into people that I
can't recite
there's no way I'm gonna get
out of it
and I just okay I'm out of here
I got
whatever you want but most
people I can
resist and then if you go to
the Middle
East and deal with some of
these these
Arab and Lebanese and some of
these
sales guys you just great
generally
speaking you're not gonna lose
a lot of
money but you got to pay up but
most
Americans Western sales guys
you know
they have all these tricks and
they they
go from one to the other to the
other in
this guy when
through the entire litany and
he kind of
ended with this condemning type
of sales
pitch and he never could get
break me I
and so eventually he says you
know I
like you I need you bought me a
cup of
coffee and that was the end of
it but
which I thought was a personal
victory
victory for you I had I had a
similar
situation just recently when I
took my
car over to get it washed at
this place
I kept seeing this in Marin
County it's
a washing place I saw up on the
other
side of the Richardson bay
bridge and it
is there's cars out there and
they were
scrubbing them down there's
like a hand
wash that has a machine
augmentation and
you go I say I gotta get my car
washed
or go in there the guy has a
sales pitch
for for this $500 worth a
thousand and
wax job where they wax your car
there's
other stuff on they put this
other stuff
on and they put this other
stuff on it
and so I got to tell this story
if you
go my wait can I can I just
guess the
ending did your 25 year old
Lexus come
out looking like a 20-19 model
I never
bought into it because I
luckily did not
have any I just was gonna go to
the paid
cash for a thing and I didn't
have 500
bucks in cash and that's what
was that
was my out it was great I would
love to
do this I will come back and do
this
later but I only have sixty
dollars in
cash and so I got to get a gas
gas fill
then I got to get a wash okay
he finally
gave up realizing I was telling
the
truth but but one of the things
he did
was at the back of the of the
car he had
us half of the of the trunk
area he had
to polish it polish and polish
and
polish and then he did that he
did a
whole little section he's to
feel that
feel that you felt it was
really smooth
and clean it was like wow yeah
that's
great
he said well the whole car be
like yeah
I don't only got 60 bucks okay
so I go
through a comes through the
washing
machine comes out the other and
they
wipe it down they do all what
they do
which is kind of interesting in
itself
and then I go and I said first
aiders I
checked that area it was no
different
than the rest of the car when I
was
doing the tech TV show silicon
spin we
used to have different people
on I used
to have a danny ash on a lot
and all kinds of others who's
Danny Ashe
Danny Ashe was Danny she was
the one
that she makes like we figure
four
million dollars a year do it
just
softcore okay
she's a softcore girl and she
has a
bunch of she has her sights
Danny's hard
drive Oh Danny's hard drive
okay I've
heard of that sure and she would
sweetest thing you ever wanted
to me
she's gorgeous too
and she'd be on shit but she
was a
businesswoman she's actually a
hardcore
businesswoman and she would
have some
real interesting insights until
all this
stuff and her husband was like
like a
lawyer she was like the
businesswoman
he's a lawyer she's a stripper
or not a
stripper but whatever she was
she'd
showed you know she's she's
like just an
exhibitionist that's high-end
sexy shots
hot shots right that's about it
yeah but
she would make it we did some
calculations at the time and
this was in
the late nineties 98 maybe 99
something
like that that we fishes my
about 2.5
based on her numbers and the
rest of the
what we knew but I have the
other people
come through this show and they
were
porn people and they were you
could tell
that they were being corrupted
by Dan
even less so cuz she was you
know I
think she was pretty
just a normal exhibitionist
type woman
but other people you could see
especially men you could see
them just
slowly creeping toward that
let's work
let's well I think I'd look
pretty good
with that big gold necklace
yeah exactly
maybe I should open my shirt up
a little
bit more you know I'm growing
some hair
here with the gold necklace I
think it's
gonna look pretty good look
good look
yeah that's really you can just
see him
falling into it you know I
could grease
my hair a little more I think
maybe that
would look good what about a
mustache
how about you're not screwing
how about
your vodka lesson do the vodka
lesson
alright years ago when I went I
went to
I don't know why this isn't
something
that everybody doesn't do
because we
kind of do it a lot it very
house in
Washington we have a whole
cellar full
of these things Mimi does a lot
of these
which are infused vodkas it's
really a
great thing I you know I didn't
think
much about it and I don't want
to brag
about where I wasn't I was in
Jakarta at
some fancy nightclub when
somebody
else's tab and you know I would
wanted
some I
we wanted some some drink we're
gonna go
try this drink and the guy it
was like
it involves Stoli pepper vodka
and the
bartender says you know that
Stoli
pepper vikas not really that
good you
want to try my pepper vodka oh
and I
said sure and so he brought out
a bottle
of vodka that had a bunch of
Serrano's
and it'd be like a bunch of him
in there
and tried that and realized
that this
pepper vodka was like so much
better
than the commercial stuff which
probably
uses some there's no peppers in
there
they'd probably just have some
liquid
they squeezed in there so I
started
doing my own pepper vodka and
other
vodkas infused vodkas including
the ones
with the Bison grass which is
really one
of the best spots because it's
called
buffalo grass or bison grass
and it's a
it's a it's a sweetness also
called
sweet grass in this country and
you take
about take a little pile of it
not too
much and you put it in some
vodka and it
adds this outrageously now what
kind of
vodka do you need to use as
your base
just for any vodka any plain
vodka uh
you know the stolen you want a
rich
stole he's fine it's not the
best vodka
the best vodkas you know the
vikas
actually do taste different
from vodka -
vodka if I was going to just
recommend a
vodka out of the blue I would
recommend
the Costco Kirkland vodka
that's made in
France and because everybody
and their
sister and Costco will admit to
this
knows that that's gray goose ah
okay
that's interesting and it's
cheese like
it's much cheaper than Grey
Goose
obviously it's a half the price
it's not
even half is beyond half the
wait a
minute so a bottle of Grey
Goose is what
50 bucks 40 bucks
no it's about at cost coats I
think 35
35 what the Gray Goose or the
Costco
stuff the Gray Goose gnome cost
goes
like fourteen fifteen sixteen
nineteen
dollars for a litre 1.75 liters
is a big
giant bottle so there's your
tip right
there everybody go buy this and
then
send the the extra 14 bucks of
the No
Agenda show I think I mentioned
this
after the show and you said you
didn't
say on the show I thought I did
bow say
it I'll say it now which when I
was a
kid that's what we were taught
we were taught that the Amazon
is the
you know get produces all this
oxygen
and it's like very crucial that
it
remain intact yes I think I
learned
similar yeah just this reminds
me of the
International Geophysical Year
which I
believe was 1957 and was
recorded by
Steely Dan then before it
before the
International geophysics year
everybody
would in the schools would
teach that
it's just a coincidence that if
you look
at a globe that South America
kind of
fits into Africa like out like
a couple
of jigsaw puzzle keys
oh yeah I always heard this no
no no you
think that fits now no
coincidence yeah
then the International
Geophysical Year
appeared and they determined
bigdecimal
they discovered tectonic plates
and that
realized that yes it was once
one giant
landmass and then it moved away
very
slowly but it did fit which was
the
which was the first thing you'd
see when
you looked at a globe logically
it
looked like some it fits and
they're
trying to deny that the obvious
'ti of
it why were they denying it and
when now
it's it's generally accepted as
true
baffling it just became some
sort of a
standard you know somebody I
have no
idea hmm think they didn't want
to
believe it I guess it was like
now that
can't possibly be true because
that
means it would be one giant
landmass and
we have no evidence of such a
thing yeah
3-4 topic sounds about about
right maybe
if we do it once a week you
know yeah I
think that's a good idea I
don't think
we I don't think we can sustain
this
length because sometimes I mean
the the
interview you had with dr. Ron
was worth
discussing for a while yeah
true okay
so what we'll see but this I
would say I
agree this is maybe a little
bit on the
long side but just underneath
you know
40 minutes is pretty much the
max I
think yeah I agree
yeah where are you having yeah
I agree
a giblet is an order yeah I
think so and
you know it just just run it
through
YouTube so you get their
captions and
just take that verbatim it'll
be even
funnier I might just do that
thank you
very much sir Reuben waffles for
executive producing and putting
that
together a quite a job to pull
all those
stories out of over a thousand
what am I
saying
twelve hundred episodes thank
you for
your courage because it truly
took some
two to dive in and do all that
good go
watch yeah well anyway I'm glad
I had
these stories to tell I'm sure
there's
more stories to come yeah you
know what
it's codified your life matters
because
it's out there in thousands of
different
copies of n P threes there you
go we'll
be back on Thursday right after
Christmas with another episode
of the No
Agenda show they'll be 12:02
until then
have a very Merry Christmas and
adios
mofos I Adam Curry and I'm John
C
Dvorak Merry Christmas
everybody will
talk to you right after the big
day
adios
[Music]
you