December 25th, 2025 • 2h 4m
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Adam Curry, John C.
Dvorak.
It's Thursday, December 25th, 2025.
This is your award-winning Get My Nation
Media Assassination, episode 1828.
This is no agenda.
Jolly and merry and broadcasting live from the
heart of the Tutankhamun country here in FEMA
Region Number 6.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
And from Northern Silicon Valley, where everybody wishes
you a happy Christmas, I'm John C.
Dvorak.
It's crackpot and buzzkill.
In the morning.
So that seems to be a thing.
People are saying, Happy Christmas, like you just
said.
What happened to Merry Christmas?
What's wrong with Happy Christmas?
Well, there's nothing wrong with it.
It just, it seems, uh, it seems like
not the thing.
We used to say Merry Christmas, then it
became Happy Holidays.
Yeah, so now they've combined the two.
Yeah.
I, all the liberals around here are saying
Merry Holidays.
No, no.
Yeah.
Really?
Merry Holidays.
That is so wrong on so many levels.
So, so Happy Christmas.
Merry Holidays.
Well, here we are.
It is, uh, it is Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Holidays.
Happy Christmas.
And all that, everybody.
And we are not really here, which is
a, is this the first time we haven't
done it on Christmas?
Well, we don't have, I mean, I think
there's only been four, four, four Christmas shows,
maybe five.
So yes, it is.
As a matter of fact, we normally always
do it.
You had, uh, you have family in town.
Yes.
And it would seem more, uh.
Family friendly.
Family friendly.
Wiser.
Not to have, hey, you were working here
my whole childhood and now you're still doing
it, you douchebag.
That's what I would have gotten.
And rightly so.
Yes, exactly.
So it's highly appreciated.
We do, however, on the brink have a,
uh, best of Christmas show with Sir Donald
Winkler put together for us.
You know, whenever you put out the call,
this is interesting kind of in the dynamics
of podcast listening a couple days, like maybe
three days later, people like, oh yeah, I
just heard you, uh, your call out, you
know, cause you, you expect, you expect this
like, Hey, I said this on Thursday.
You should be telling me on Thursday.
It just doesn't work.
That would be the day.
It doesn't work that way.
So also got professor, uh, uh, the professor
from China.
He did, he actually did another exit strategies
part two.
So we have that one in the can.
Cause I'm sure something else will come up
eventually in our life.
So we appreciate him for that.
He's good.
Yeah.
He did.
He did a good, uh, did he do
the first exit strategy?
I think he did.
I don't, I don't remember.
And, uh, so Merry Christmas, John, are you
celebrating today?
No, of course not.
We're going to put it off.
Uh, there's a lot of good reasons for
this.
What are the reasons this year?
Well, there's always the same reasons one traveling
during the, you know, traveling on.
Yeah.
If you're going to travel, you want to,
why was it, why is everyone want to
travel on the same day?
There's like the same thing with Thanksgiving.
Oh, the world's worst travel day.
Let's travel.
Then let's do the travel on that day.
There's a good idea when you can easily
just offset it a day or two, you
know, you know, what's the symbolism of having
the Turkey on Thanksgiving as opposed to the
next day or say Saturday.
Um, and then the other thing is, uh,
you can get everything on sale.
Yes.
It's just the algos are going to be
looking at me for everything I do.
And they can overcharge me for everything that
I buy now based on dynamic pricing.
Yeah.
I will be able to, uh, get everything
cheaper.
Cause they're going to look up this guy.
He's not paying that.
He'll pay lower.
Wait a minute.
It wasn't, it's not, it's not dynamic pricing.
What was it called again?
It was a preference.
Yeah.
Dynamics.
The old one, the old idea is dynamic.
Surveillance pricing.
There you go.
That's it.
Nailed it.
They're going to surveil me and they're going
to say, wow.
So sir, Donald Winkler put together, I would
say a rather positive show.
Uh, I know he must've searched for a
long time, but he put together a very
positive show, positive Christmases from no agenda Christmases
past.
Yeah.
And, uh, and he also put some, uh,
he, you know, he added in some Christmas
end of show mixes, created his own with
Suno of course.
So we can have some, everybody can hate
on AI during this happy season.
Um, the thing that I was listening to,
cause you know, this includes stuff from way
back and just multiple Christmases.
Holy cow.
The cussing I do is off the hook.
It's really, it's, it's cringy.
Well, well not as well.
If you go back far enough.
Yeah.
Well, I don't have to go back that
far.
Four years, five years.
Well, good.
I'm glad you noticed.
Yeah.
Everyone's so happy that you've taken over that
role for me, uh, in them.
Yes.
Because yes, I have, uh, I do it
less.
Uh, but when I do it, they're always
impactful, I believe.
Yes.
It's super impactful.
So I'm not just, you know, the, the
problem with people cussing, uh, is as we
know, cause we listened to all these podcasts
is the, is the, is the gratuitous just,
you know, F this, F that, if this,
F the F in this, the F in
that is those, there's no impact there.
It's just a filler word.
Um, and filler word cussing is, is, is
what gets cringy.
Well, that's what you're going to hear because
when you put it all together, it gets
really cringy.
So, um, here it is.
Uh, part one, uh, we'll be back in,
uh, in about an hour or so, Sir
Donald Winkler's No Agenda Christmas special.
A Merry No Agenda Christmas.
John and Adam.
To all the producers and douchebags of Gitmo
Nation.
Hallelujah.
And thank you for your courage.
Hallelujah.
They said they had heard the show, uh,
and could not resist trying to, uh, to
bring me up to the, uh, the real
gold standard of Yorkshire instead of PG tips.
I was tickled.
So, and there's a whole box apparently.
So I can't wait to, to get to
the office, which by the way, Monday, so
I'm flying back tomorrow afternoon, Monday evening, we
have our, um, pod show UK Christmas dinner.
We're not doing a huge party, but it's,
you know, when you put a staff together
with spouses and, you know, some of our,
uh, our talent who, uh, who work, uh,
uh, full time for, uh, for, for productions
we're doing, you know, you're talking 25, 30
people.
So, you know, of course, uh, Patricia and
I, we're going to go to the party.
What do you think shows up today in
my email box?
An invitation for Monday night, starting at six
o'clock for the Led Zeppelin one off
reunion concert and party.
I'm like, Oh my fucking God, I feel
so bad for the pod show people that
I won't be able to make it.
You're going to have to make a showing.
No, I'm of course I'm going to the
Christmas party.
The, uh, Oh man, I don't know.
Yeah.
Led Zeppelin one off cause those guys are
so gone by now, but yeah, but it's
like the Ahmed Erdogan, uh, tribute.
Well, here's his pod safe Christmas song.
All right.
I'm going to give this.
So I've not, I don't think I've, I
certainly don't recall seeing a YouTube video, but
I have it lined up.
You may not hear it through your headphones,
but Okay, guys, everyone ready to sing the
song?
Now remember it's almost Christmas and nobody has
any pod safe Christmas music.
So that's your motivation here.
Uh, CC Chapman, you ready?
Leninor from Jawbone.
Good to go.
And Adam Curry skyping in from the helicopter
flying somewhere above your golden palace.
You all patched in there, Adam, Adam, Adam.
I do remember this actually.
It's well done though.
All right.
I'm not going to play the whole thing.
Well, that's, that is pretty funny.
You got to kind of see the video
because you can't understand all the, all the
lyrics and they have it on screen.
Yeah.
It's been, uh, it's been very, very cold
here in the UK for the past, I
think the past two weeks, just really cold,
like constantly around, uh, the freezing point, uh,
which made my Christmas shopping that much unhappier
today.
Oh yeah.
Well, I usually go Christmas shopping the night
before Christmas.
Well, that's what I do too.
Last minute, man.
Yeah.
Well, the funny thing is you run into
a lot of, if you go on Christmas
Eve besides the fact that they throw everything
on sale, you run into a, and I've
done this for years, decades, uh, you run
into a fellow travelers, people who are, who
are just the same, you know, they're just
like you, they go on the last day
and they've been doing it for years and
they all, you kind of like your, your
immediate friends with all of them and you
joke about it and it's a, it's like
a whole different crowd of people.
It's mostly men and, um, they're out, you
know, shopping around and it's the funniest thing
is cause it's like one of those deals
where you just like your pals with these
people without even knowing them and you're all,
you all know what you're up to.
So a big cultural deal in the United
Kingdom on Christmas day at 3pm, the queen's
speech to the, to, uh, to the country,
to her, uh, what do you call them?
Minions?
Subjects.
Subjects.
That's it.
And, uh, and, and we, I think we've
missed it every single year because you know,
it's not, I saw it cause I was
up in Washington.
I think I saw it.
They think they broadcast it on Canadian news.
I'm sure they do because of course Canada
is controlled by the queen still.
And yeah, and it's more than just a
set dressing witness.
What just happened anyway, I don't want to
get into that cause we'll get all the
Canadians pissed off again.
Um, so I'm like ready for this.
And so what she does is she starts
off and she says, uh, and not a,
not a smile, right?
It's just, it's just horrible.
It's just really cold and impersonal.
And the Brits are like, Oh, we love
watching the queen speech.
Okay, well watch the queen speech.
So we're all ready.
By the way, top of the pops came
back for a special, uh, hour and a
half show before that, which was pretty cool.
Anyway, she comes on and she says, well,
you know, what I've learned is that when
I work with people who help others in
these trying times that they, they truly are
fulfilled, that they have fulfilled lives and they
truly are happy.
And then they switched to these, this ENG
footage of her boys, you know, visiting poor
kids.
And then there's Charles somewhere with the African
kids.
And, uh, and, and then she's like, well,
see, this is my family.
See how much they do for other people.
That's what you should do.
Merry Christmas.
And that was it.
And I'm like, it was, it was absolutely,
I was shocked.
Yeah, I saw it.
That's what I see.
And they had, they showed the kids they're
always, you know, these, uh, they have no
jobs, no kidding.
It's easy for them to go around doing
good when you have endless tax money to
spend and no job.
And these are just obvious photo ops.
Yeah.
And the guys probably blew in there, sat
down.
Okay.
Took a couple of shots.
Okay.
Let me get out of here.
And they had to wash up.
Yeah.
So this is an uplifting Christmas adventure from
the build a bear corporation's quiet day before
Christmas.
And so they have this, I mean, it's
a beautifully done, beautifully animated three is a
three part series.
Is that what it is?
I think it was supposed to be more,
but the fourth one I realized was taken
off and I don't know what was on
that one.
Okay.
So just listen to a little bit of
what our kids are being taught here.
Actually, I'll fast forward.
So there's, so it's a Santa and Mrs.
Claus.
They're up at the North pole.
And then we see the nice little polar
bears and they're having fun.
They're romping around and then they come up
and they talk to Santa and here's what
they have to say.
Oh, hello there.
What fine looking polar bears.
Pleased to meet you, Santa.
I'm Ella.
Oh, and this is my sister, Emma.
It's gone.
It's gone.
It's gone.
What's gone.
Tell him dad, the North peak mountain, a
mountain is gone.
How is that possible?
Santa, sir.
That's why I'm here.
That's why we're here.
The ice is melting.
The North pole is melting.
Yes, my dear.
We know the climate is changing.
There's bound to be a little melting.
It's worse than that.
Santa a lot worse at the rate.
It's melting.
The North pole will be gone by Christmas.
My, my, all of this gone by next
Christmas.
I don't think so.
No, sir.
Not next Christmas, this Christmas.
Oh, there'll be no more Christmas.
Oh, mommy, daddy, quick.
You have to stop putting carbon in the
air.
Christmas.
This is, this is fucking, this outrages me.
It just outrages me.
It's pretty, it's pretty over the top.
No, this is, I don't know if it's
the same one, but this guy, I don't
think I've ever seen that maybe, but anyway,
he made this interesting commentary and he's a
Pontrarian entrepreneurial type that predicted the crash and
the rest of it.
Like everybody else.
I just want to read this.
If we talk about how can we get
our, you know, get the economy going again?
He says, we spend the money at Walmart.
This is for Christmas.
If we spend the money at Walmart, the
money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline, it goes
to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer, it will go
to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will
go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will
go to Germany.
If we purchase a useless crap, it will
go to Taiwan and none of it will
help the American economy.
The only way to help the money at
home, the only way that the money here
at home to keep the money here at
home.
Geez.
The only way to keep the money here
at home is to spend it on prostitutes
and beer.
Since they're the only products still made in
the U.S., I have to do my
part, he says.
Well, can we just add noagendashow.com to
that or Dvorak.org slash NA?
Yeah, we should send him a note that
he left this out.
In time, my battery died.
Have a Merry Christmas, my friend.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
John, my battery died.
Have a Merry Christmas, my friend.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
So anyway, John, Merry Christmas to you, man.
Merry Christmas to you.
Thank you so much for your beautiful gift.
Oh, you like that?
Liked it very much.
You know, it's going to determine the entire
interior of our house.
Everything now has to be red.
I figured there'd be a couple of pieces
of spot art you could put up somewhere
next to each other.
John gave us two beautiful pictures that he
took himself.
These are all tulips, I believe, John?
Apparently, yes.
Yeah, so...
I'm not a photographer of flowers normally, but
these are from...
The reason I gave them to you is
because it reminds you of Holland, because these
were taken in Holland at the Tulip Festival,
which I went to last year during my
stint at Queen's Day.
Yes.
And, you know, it's one of those things
that everybody in Holland, I guess, talks about.
Oh, yeah, the Tulip Festival.
You go to this thing, it's for people
out there who want to know about it.
It's actually worth going to, and of course,
everybody in Holland feels this way, too.
It's actually worth going to once.
Yeah.
I think I went to it in 1973.
One of our producers, Clark, sent this note.
I thought it used to be a nice
Christmas ditty.
Last Christmas, I bought Obama T-shirts for
my in-laws, who are Democrats but are
also racists.
Nice.
We sent them back to Texas from D
.C. and when they came to visit a
few months later, they brought this one back.
Let me do the photo.
They probably turned the other one into a
hood.
The next time it came back, just the
logo came back cut out.
Of course, being the fine son-in-law
that I am, I knew we would have
to come up with something and send it
back.
My brilliant wife then had the idea to
turn it into a pillow and, here's the
kicker, have my six-year-old daughter do
the sewing.
This way, the pillow is a gift from
their granddaughter and her very first sewing project.
They will have to keep it.
Work on something else.
Depress the listeners.
What is this?
These guys are crazy.
I've got to tell you, we had a
great Christmas yesterday.
Merry Christmas to you, John, by the way.
Merry Christmas to you and to all the
ships at sea and the boots on the
ground.
As one does, you watch some Christmas movies
and Scrooge was on with Bill Murray, which
I think is one of my favorite Christmas
movies.
I love that film.
From 1988.
If you haven't seen it, I encourage you
to at least watch the beginning because I
noticed something very funny.
Again, this is 1988.
Bill Murray is the president.
He's the top executive of a television network,
the IBC television network.
He's a total dick.
He's the most horrible.
He's very true to form a television executive,
actually.
It starts off with them doing this big
live extravaganza on Christmas Eve, which is the
Christmas carol, the Charles Dickens story.
They're in the executive suite and they're looking
at the promo for this extravaganza.
They've got a nice little promo.
It looks kind of good.
Apparently the promo is performing quite well.
But then Bill Murray, as the president of
this network, freaks out and says, you need
to scare people that if they miss watching
this show, their lives will be over.
Then he rolls out a promo and it's
the funniest thing.
It could have been any promo for any
cable news network today.
Of course in 1988 it was outrageous that
the promo literally, you see an airplane taking
off and the voiceover says, this special is
so terrifying.
You see the airplane explode in midair and
the voiceover literally says, terrorism.
Then it's like drugs and you see the
needle going in the arm.
It's exactly like what CNN, Fox, and MSNBC
are today.
Only in 1988 that was seen as an
outrageous, crazy thing.
It could never happen.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's just fiction.
It's just a movie.
And now we're living it.
Wow.
It was something to talk about.
Yeah, but you know, it's just like, wow.
I was disturbed.
You should have made a clip.
Yeah, I should have.
My impression kind of sucked.
A lot more pleasant now that Christmas is
coming.
Check out the TSA carolers at LAX.
This is great.
Listen to the report from the Compromised ABC
News.
This is like so clearly, it's like, all
right, here's the Ministry of Truth Speaking.
Please make these guys look human and just
listen to this report.
It's outstanding.
It's a bunch of TSA jabronis standing in
the departure hall with like a keyboard.
There's a lot of stress.
So when our singers start singing, maybe you'll
get a smile.
Maybe someone will just relieve a little bit
of the stress.
Something that we do, I think, to show
a different face of the TSA, a more
human side.
Dude of the Red Nose Reindeer.
And they're all in their uniforms.
And they've got a couple of guys who
think they can sing.
You know, those people who then go into
syncopic.
I work with one.
Had a very shiny nose.
The TSA people who have been so bad
-mouthed.
Being everybody together, everybody in the Christmas spirit.
Here's the guy who's doing syncopic, kind of
like swinging through it all.
American Airlines flights leaving at 12.05 to
Miami, Denver, Chicago, San Francisco.
And let's wind it up.
What do you think, sir?
Go, TSA!
Yeah!
Yeah, we love it!
Go, TSA!
You're awesome!
Reminds me of the Brown Shirt Chorus of
1938.
I don't know if you're making a joke,
but it wouldn't surprise me if it actually
existed.
Do you know who the president is of
the United States of Europe, John?
Isn't it the same guy?
The dishrag guy?
The what?
The dishrag guy.
The dishrag guy?
Yeah.
You gotta know his name.
Rumpoy.
Yeah, exactly.
Herman Van Rumpoy.
He decided to leave us all with...
Well, you know what he does for a
hobby.
Yeah, he's a poet.
He's a haiku idiot.
Haiku, that's right.
He wrote us a little haiku.
Oh, I wanna hear it.
Well, unfortunately, it's in...
He did it in Dutch.
Oh, that sucks.
But it's only three lines, so I can
translate it.
Let's listen to it.
May I say it with a haiku?
Silence and happiness.
From Christmas to the new year.
Hoping for hope.
May I say it with a haiku?
Silence and happiness.
From Christmas to the new year.
Hoping for hope.
Hoping for hope.
What does that even mean?
I have no idea what hoping for hope
means.
But that's what he...
Unless you know he's a Bob Hope fan.
That's literally what he's saying.
Bob Hope fan.
Hoping for hope.
I received in the mail a piggy bank
emboldened with the CIA logo from the CIA
gift shop.
Oh!
From one of our knights in the Virginia
area.
This thing is outrageous.
And there was a 20 inside.
Along with the microphone in the cell.
Give me some good CIA stuff.
I have to beg and then somebody finally...
Okay, well, here's one for you.
It's like you look at this thing, it's
like...
Wow, that's just weird.
It's a piggy bank with a CIA logo?
Yeah, if you go to...
What else do they sell in this shop?
We've got to go visit this shop with
a camera.
And it's all made in China.
Yeah, exactly.
That's the best part of it.
So I tweeted it.
Heaven forbid we make a piece of pottery
in the United States.
Do you guys read The Night Before Christmas
at your house by any chance?
No.
This is not like an uncommon thing in
America.
Is we have The Night Before Christmas.
I've never heard of it.
You've never heard of The Night Before Christmas?
No, I've heard of The Night Before Christmas.
I've never heard of any bunch of cornballs
sitting around the candlelight reading it.
Yeah, this is very normal.
This is very abnormal.
Yeah, but The Night Before Christmas is of
course a book about, you know, the children
were all, you know, tucked in their beds
and snuggled with care, whatever, you know, with
dreams that St. Nicholas soon would be there
to give us all kinds of goodies and
crap.
So the whole story is about getting stuff.
You know, it's a sweet story, but it's
about getting stuff.
And I had never, so there's a story
that this family does, but apparently a lot
of families read this particular story.
And it comes from Sweden.
I had never heard of it before.
It's a very long story.
It's not like, you know, in America we're
good.
You know, we get commercial to the point,
short, you know, a couple of pictures, you're
done, open up your gift before you go
to bed.
Now this is The Little Troll.
You ever heard of this story?
It's about the little troll that wanted to
become a human being?
It's about Obama?
Hey!
No.
It's the little troll who wanted to become
a human being and discovered that the way
to become a human was to help other
people, and he helps this little girl, and
then his life changes, and then he eventually
becomes...
It's kind of a mixture between The Grinch
Who Stole Christmas and Pinocchio, in a way,
in a weird way, only with trolls.
And it was just...
Trolls?
Does he finally get on Twitter?
It was really nice, John.
I have to say, you know, it was
kind of a non...
It didn't bring a tear to your eye.
It did.
That's the most important.
It did.
It did bring a tear to my eye.
Yeah.
I have to say, it did bring a
tear to my eye.
What, is that wrong?
Is that so wrong?
Yeah, I guess so.
It is just like the crunch of boots
on...
of Jack...
Jack Boots on...
Jack Boots.
Jack Boots on fresh snow.
That's...
That's actually uncanny.
That's pretty...
That's uncanny sounding, actually.
Let's do a little skit.
Okay.
Twas the night before Christmas...
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait until I get to the mouse part.
Cue the marching soldiers?
Hold on.
Twas the night before Christmas...
Let me do...
Okay.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through
the house, not a creature was stirring, not
even a mouse.
However, the brown shirts were out.
God.
Yes, that is the ghost of Christmas Future,
ladies and gentlemen.
Played by John C.
Dvorak.
John C.
Dvorak.
All right, Johnny boy, what are you doing
for the 25th?
That's Wednesday.
I'm heading up north, and I'll be up
there.
That's nice.
So you'll be up there for Thursday's show?
Yes, I will on Sundays, too.
Oh, okay, nice.
Well, that's good.
You'll be hanging out with the family.
And we'll see.
Hopefully the connection will be as good as
this.
And I'll be doing my work from up
there.
Okay.
I'm here with the girls.
All three girls.
Miss Mickey.
We have Miss Christina.
And we have Miss Rihanna.
So I've got the girls here.
We're doing an old school family Christmas.
And a big meet the kids drink thing
tonight.
Everyone's dropping by.
So we're really festive.
Sounds like it's festive time for all.
Yeah, it is really nice.
I miss the kids so much.
You know what it's like when you have
young kids around?
Like you've got J.C. and his wife.
Wife, hello.
You know, it's nice when the young kids
are hanging around.
You learn a lot.
It gives you something to grumble about.
I learned a lot, really a lot.
Yeah, you tend to learn quite a bit.
Adam Curry.
John C.
Devorah.
It's Thursday, December 24, 2015.
Time once again for your Gitmo Nation media
assassination episode 784.
This is no agenda.
Celebrating a man with a white beard selling
camels.
Broadcasting live from the capital of the drone
star state here in Fever Region 6, Austin
Tejas.
Good morning, everybody.
I'm Adam Curry.
And from Northern Silicon Valley, where it's actually
been raining for a couple of days, and
I guess we need it.
I'm John C.
Devorah.
Here's a crackpot and bonus tale.
In the morning.
I'm Merry Christmas, John.
Merry Christmas to you and Merry Christmas to
all the listeners.
And producers, too.
And producers and the family of no agenda.
The no agenda family, the knights and the
dames.
Yeah.
Everybody.
Everybody behind the scenes.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody.
Oh, my goodness.
We're getting good spam in the chat room.
I apparently suck roosters.
Why?
I don't know.
Because we promote Trump and Putin.
We promote Trump.
We promote Trump and Putin.
Trump and Putin.
I think today.
It's the Trump and Putin show.
I'm Adam Trump.
I'm John Putin.
Putin!
I think we need a beer.
It is, in most parts, still Christmas Eve.
You still have some time for some shopping.
Pot appears to be a popular stocking stuffer
this year in Seattle.
An employee at the Pot Shop in Fremont
tells My Northwest that sales in the past
two days are the best that they've been
since the store has opened.
He also said one of the most popular
gifts is a comically large joint that sells
for $80.
This is what I want.
I finally know what I want for Christmas.
I want the comically large joint that sells
for $80.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, Santa.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I'll tell you about my Christmas presents.
Okay.
I received a lot of alcoholic-related presents.
Alcohol-related presents.
Maybe that's a hint.
Now that I think about it.
Hi, I'm David Hasselhoff.
Yeah.
I got a whole bunch of cool stuff.
I got, you know, Tina brought her girls
over here on Christmas Eve after the show.
So we had a little, almost like a
family celebration.
Did you have a tree?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Is it a real tree?
It's a real tree, yeah.
Well, get it out of there.
Those things are flammable.
I do not park the hoverboard under the
tree.
Oh, that would be something.
I wonder how many.
This hasn't been reported yet, but there's got
to be a few hoverboards that were parked
under trees, caught on fire, caught the house
on fire, burned the place to the ground.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm so sure.
Merry Christmas.
The PBS NewsHour has this musical thing.
They bring some musical guy on, and he
tells us a story about how this song
came to be or something like that.
And this is kind of the backstory of
the song White Christmas, which I had no
idea was actually a parody.
It was a joke tune.
The way we think he's going to live
a lot longer than 18 years.
And lose his hat.
Next for this holiday season, a new way
to look at a classic song, Bing Crosby's
White Christmas.
It's the best-selling single of all time,
with more than 50 million copies sold.
Jeffrey Brown recently sat down with composer and
pianist Rob Capelo, who deconstructs music for the
NewsHour from time to time.
Rob Capelo, welcome back.
So nice to be here.
All right, so White Christmas, a touching, beautiful,
nostalgic song, but started life very differently as
a kind of parody.
Yeah, you know, we now think of it
as this perfect sentimental depiction of Christmas's past.
But in fact, it originally started with a
verse that no one sings anymore, and that
Berlin actually eliminated from the song, that sets
the song in Beverly Hills, L.A. It
actually started, the sun is shining, the grass
is green, the orange and palm trees sway.
And it's actually sung by somebody in Beverly
Hills around a pool, dreaming of Christmas up
north.
So originally, it was a send-up of
the very song that it's become.
Set in Beverly Hills, but of course came
to be known and came to touch so
many people because of the historical moment.
1942, Americans, military personnel, far away for the
first time.
Oh, John.
You've ruined the movie for me now.
Completely ruined.
I don't think I can ever watch it
again.
Feeling good.
You know, now you know.
The more you know, the more you get
spoiled.
Crazy, believe me.
And of course, now we basically have Christmas
in the lowlands.
They probably got Santa Clauses walking around, too.
Well, you know, the funniest thing when you're
discussing that sort of thing is if you
go down to Rio in December, and you're
floating around Brazil, which is the middle, this
is like the hottest time of the year.
It is boiling.
It's like 100 degrees.
And there's all these Santa Clauses with the
reindeer and the trees.
Well, that is kind of like Los Angeles
is weird that way, too.
And it turns out we're in one of
those streets where we have two neighbors at
war.
Oh, house wars?
With the light stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's brave.
We saw it happen.
Because, of course, this is our first Christmas
here.
And we saw one side like, wow, this
guy's got some lights going.
And then on the other side.
And now I said to Mickey, I said,
I think our house is perfect for, I
think we can do a sleigh and a
reindeer on the roof.
And Mickey says, I'm totally fucking up the
synth story.
Well, what am I doing wrong?
She just texted me.
She's listening?
Yeah, of course she's listening.
She's in the car.
She's on the way to a meeting.
A meeting?
Yeah.
Sunday, for God's sake.
She works hard, man.
But, all right.
So I guess I took all the romance
out of the story.
Well, you could add.
We can tell the story next week when
we get closer to Christmas.
Or I guess it would be farther away
from December 2nd, which is, I guess, or
the 3rd or the 5th.
No, the 5th.
The 5th.
And then, I don't know, man.
I'm from America.
We always thought it was.
And, by the way, this Sinterklaas, he also
wears like a red robe.
He's got a.
A robe?
Oh, yeah.
Pito.
Hey, kids.
He's got a pointy hat.
And he's got a big stick.
A big staff.
I got a stick for you.
I got a big staff for you, kids.
But he's very thin.
He's not fat like Santa Claus.
He's very thin.
He's a skinny guy.
That's more like it.
He has, wait, he has pant legs taped
to, you know, just the bottom of some
short pants taped to his legs.
But it's cute.
So, actually, and so, what the family tradition
is, and this is kind of nice, is
you all draw.
So, the big family comes together, usually not
just household family.
And then you'll draw lots before, like a
couple weeks before, you'll draw a name out
of the hat.
And then you get the name on a
piece of paper, and then you have to
go buy something for that person and turn
it into a surprise with a poem, which
is about that person.
But you don't ever really say, oh, this
is from me.
Yeah, this is what you do.
This is an office.
This has been transposed into an American tradition
of doing that in the office where they
don't want everybody buying everybody else gifts.
Right, right, right.
And somebody invariably gets a box of candies
that they don't want.
Well, the funny thing is there's always some
joker who puts together a huge box, right,
and then you get this huge box as
a present, and then you have to go
through, like, wood chips and molasses.
Well, box after box.
And all kinds of weird crap in there.
It's hilarious.
And then at the bottom there's like a
gift certificate.
Yeah, right.
But I'm sure all the listeners in Gitmo
Nation lowlands are very disappointed with my explanation.
Now, did you do Disneyland the first day
or the second day?
We did Disneyland on Christmas.
Oh, then you should do it in order.
Talk about Christmas first.
Let's see.
What do we do first?
First, we went to dinner, I think, in
a cafeteria.
Well, not that.
OK, yeah.
We go to Disneyland, and we leave early.
I have to say this.
I've never seen anything quite like this, and
we were stunned, I say, by the freeway
traffic on Christmas.
It was like the world had ended, and
nobody was out.
They were all gone.
They all left the area.
I have never seen traffic like this.
There was nobody on the roads.
And apparently what was going on was they
were already at or going to Disneyland.
I talked to one of the police guys
as we went into Disneyland, which was all
dolled up for Christmas.
And in fact, they rewrote a number of
the rides and the storylines in the rides
themselves for Christmas.
I'm under the impression that from Halloween until
New Year's, for example, the Haunted House ride,
totally different ride.
If you haven't been on the Haunted House
ride.
I've been on the Haunted House ride at
Halloween.
OK.
Yes, it is different, yeah.
Totally different ride.
And the one that's a real head-scratcher,
even though some people didn't want to go
on it, but we did.
At least half of the family did.
Is the Ferry Dirtland ride.
Which is also known as It's a Small
World.
Oh, yeah.
It's a small world after all.
That song is just now part of a
medley of tunes for the Christmas period, which
is mostly jingle bells, jingle bells, and all
the rest of these Christmas.
Yeah.
All this low end and they've changed everything
inside.
What happened?
And so that was interesting.
And they've also lengthened the ride.
I took a movie of it, of the
entire ride.
There's some copyright violations somewhere.
Oh, there's tons.
It's all copyright violations.
I'll post it and they'll let it be
taken down.
And it's 16 minutes.
Wow.
That's pretty long.
They've lengthened the ride, it seems.
And, of course, it was also bumping into,
it was loaded with just traffic was in
the little boats are bashing into each other
constantly.
Same thing with Pirates of the Caribbean, although
they didn't change the storyline, they put Christmas
gifts everywhere.
And also the African ride where you go
through Africa in a boat.
They had coins and gifts.
That totally changed it.
The elephants and everything are in Santa suits
and they've got crap hanging off of them.
It's ridiculous.
Were any of the Dvorak's high when you
went there?
Because I would suggest a family smoking.
It would have been a good idea.
Yeah.
If you had me out there, I would
have arranged it.
Now, the thing is, is that I was
told by one of the police security guys,
we're waiting for people.
And he says, Oh, Christmas is the most
crowded period ever.
Every year.
It's the same.
He says, do not leave the park.
He says, if you leave the park, you'll
never get back in because every year the
fire marshal shuts it down.
Oh, okay.
No more people are allowed in.
Good tip.
And so, so they, so we stayed in
there and watched the food all the way
to the fireworks.
And then we left.
Yeah.
Jingle bells.
Jingle bells.
What's it got to do with anything that
has anything to do with slavery or blacks?
A Boston university theater professor claims the Christmas
carol has a problematic history because it was
originally performed to make fun of African-Americans.
In what way?
Uh, let me see.
The legacy of jingle bells is one where
it's blackface and racist origins have been subtly
and systematically removed from its history says Kiana
Hamill, Boston university, Boston university theater historian, as
she wrote a whole research paper about it.
Hmm.
Although one horse opens slay.
Let me see.
Uh, I don't know, man, it's, it's a
stretch.
I think just a tad bit of a
stretch.
It was first performed down Washington street in
Boston in 1857.
Yeah.
Some area choirs adopted it as part of
their repertoire in this 1860s and seventies was
featured in a variety of parlor song and
college anthologies in the 1880s.
It was first recorded in 1889 on an
Edison cylinder.
Hmm.
All right.
Uh, yeah, it says it's an unsettled question,
whether and when pure point originally composed the
song that would become known as jingle bells,
a plaque in 19 is a high, like
again, some guy in high school or something.
It's got no, there's no way it's bull
crap.
Well, she got her name in the paper.
There's a new book out just in time
for Christmas coming in.
This is new.
Uh, Daniel, first to you, what inspired Santa's
husband?
well, uh, it was sort of inspired by
the, uh, annual tradition we have in this
country of Santa's husband.
Stay tuned.
You'll like it.
Okay.
You're beating me up on these clips.
Well, I got lots of time in my
hands.
I'm inspired by the, uh, annual tradition we
have in this country of pretending that there's
a giant war on Christmas and that, traditional
Christmas is under attack.
So, um, uh, among other things, uh, we
were, uh, reading all of the news about,
uh, the mall of America hiring a black
Santa Claus last year.
And, uh, me and, my now wife, uh,
made a joke on Twitter that, uh, if
we ever had a child, they would only
know about black Santa Claus.
And if they saw a white Santa Claus
at the mall, we would just explain, well,
that's his husband.
Uh, and then, uh, Ashley and I knew
each other, uh, from the internet and from
her illustration already.
And, she jumped into my Twitter mentions and
said, uh, boom, new book.
Boom, cut one.
Yeah.
And, and it's out now available, uh, everywhere
actually.
So let me read a couple of pages
here.
Uh, it says like any married couple, they
have their disagreements, but they always managed to
kiss and make up usually over a plate
of milk and cookies.
So we have the gay Santa Claus.
Uh, Santa is black.
He's gay.
And his, and he has a husband, a
white husband, a white guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of misogyny dresses much the same.
Mrs. Claus has been wiped from history.
All of a sudden it's an outrage.
That is an outrage.
I'm surprised people put up with this.
Everyone thinks it's great.
So what are you doing for Christmas?
Are you going to, uh, to Washington?
No, everybody's all spread out on Christmas.
So we're having our Christmas here at the
house, uh, on like the 29th or the
30th.
Oh, and what do you, by the way,
I've been advocating this for years, which is
pushing off Christmas because of one, two reasons.
One, I'm cheap.
And you, and right after Christmas, you can
go to the, all this boxing day and
all these places that are selling the stuff
at a deep discount.
And you could buy a bunch of last
minute gifts at a good deal.
And then you have your Christmas where there's
not a big rush.
I can get a Turkey cheaper.
I'll cook a Turkey or a goose.
And you are Scrooge, man.
No, I'm not, I'm not saying it's just
for that, but it's like, you can do
it.
Literally.
You don't have to be, everything has to
be on the day.
Oh, we got to do this on the
day.
Oh, it's my birthday.
It's got to be on the day.
I'm not a big bully.
I don't, I'm not buying that.
It's not a Scrooge thing, but as a
benefit, I see it as a Scrooge thing.
Yes.
Well, we're going to Chicago.
Yeah.
I heard that.
Well, I'm telling you, I'm telling the whole
audience, just saying, I heard you going to
Chicago.
Yeah.
Going to Chicago.
And so it's a Tina's family.
It's like, they're like 18 sisters.
The, her mom, her girls is going to
be girl night out.
Oh, yeah.
It's going to be a whole bunch of
women.
And then I think three dudes like, Oh
yeah, you guys are screwed over.
We are totally screwed.
We get better at these as we go
along.
Don't we?
I don't think so.
Okay.
Well, Merry Christmas, John.
Tomorrow's the big day.
Merry Christmas to you.
And Merry Christmas to everybody listening.
Yeah.
Tomorrow is the big day and it's a
nice Monday.
Christmas is perfect for everything.
It's a little extra time off.
Although I think next week, everybody takes the
whole week off.
So, Oh really?
Who gets to do that?
We don't get to do that.
We have a, we have full show, a
kids, kids, kids, kids.
Yeah.
We're going to be back on Thursday live
because this is a special show.
Uh, so you could go to Chicago and
I could go shopping at the last minute.
Important stuff.
Yes.
Cause you'd like to get everything on the
cheap and celebrate the last minute.
I like to get into the last minute
cause it's like a men's club.
I've been a member of this club for
many, many years.
Yeah.
You go in there.
It's not pretty.
It's not pretty.
Oh no, it's not pretty, but everybody's, everybody
knows what's going on and there's all men.
Yeah.
Y'all, y'all give that look like,
yeah, there we are.
The head nod, right?
Like we're here again.
Yeah.
Hey, how you doing this year?
Now you have not actually celebrated Christmas yet.
No, it's coming.
You guys are very interesting.
You Dvorak clan.
I'll tell you.
Yes, we do.
We're on, uh, what do you call it?
On the cutting edge.
Is that what you were going to say?
Untraditional.
non-traditional.
Unorthodox.
Unorthodox.
Yes, yes, yes.
And we're not even Jewish.
Hey.
Well, we were in, uh, Chirac for, uh,
for the festivities.
Yeah.
I want to hear more.
And we had a, a white Christmas.
That was fantastic.
I bet you did.
My goodness.
I had forgotten what cold was like.
It's not good.
White Christmas is no fun.
It was zero degrees.
And then you get, what is this?
And you can't, and half of these places,
they won't let you even start a fire.
So you can't have like a, a cozy
fire and a white Christmas.
It was, you know, it's the law.
The Airbnb that we had, um, had a
fireplace on gas, but the gas wasn't hooked
up to it, which was somewhat disappointing.
And I've written a review about it.
Good.
That pisses me off.
Yeah.
What's the point?
What's up with windchill?
Windchill?
What about, what do you mean?
What's up with windchill?
People use that as like a death knell.
Yeah, they do.
Well, windchill does make a difference.
No kidding.
you know, just walking outside and then there
wasn't, there was actually no wind when I
was outside and my legs just froze.
It was so unbelievable.
I had forgotten all about it.
I'd lived in Jersey and New York and.
but you weren't, you know, you people would
have to realize, we noticed this going back
and forth from Washington, is that your pores
literally change.
from hot weather pores to cold weather pores,
but it takes weeks.
It just doesn't do it automatically.
So when you're coming from hot weather pores,
which is what you are, you have generally
speaking in Austin.
Yeah.
And you go up to Chicago, you're just
going to, it's going to be freezing cold.
So your pores have to adjust.
The pores in your skin have to adjust.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know this.
Yeah.
And so when you, this is why people,
when they come down from the Northern climes,
like Mimi's up there most of the time,
Chicago, and she, and it'll be like 50.
And she's boiling.
Oh, it's so hot.
I'm going to die.
I've also noticed though, that men and women
do have, uh, different temperature settings for themselves.
Well, there's that, there's a little bit of
that, but it's really mostly the pores.
That's why you were so cold.
This is the one that it may be
too late, but the just saying, Merry Christmas,
instead of happy holidays, was a bonanza.
Yes.
Especially in, in a store, like just say
to the, to the person who's helped Merry
Christmas.
And it's going to be like, happy holidays.
You got to say happy holidays.
Well, that, okay.
Let's, let me mention something here.
That is very retrograde.
That argument is over years ago, but okay.
If they're still stuck with that in Chicago,
that's, it's not.
Let me tell you.
And, and this, this goes very, very deep
because, and, and it's, it's, it's obvious why,
why this is happening because Merry Christmas equals
religion equals Republican.
That's your holiday stems from it stems from
Holy day.
Oh, John, I'm, I'm all throw this at
them.
Oh, you're more religious than me.
You say, happy Holy days, but let's play
this clip.
Merry Christmas versus happy holiday.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
And posted this late night tweet.
People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas
again.
I am proud to have led the charge
against the assault on our cherished and beautiful
phrase.
Merry Christmas.
Some people believe the so-called war on
Christmas began when retail stores started swapping out
the term, Merry Christmas for happy holidays.
And by 2005, the change upset several cable
news hosts like Bill O'Reilly.
But frustration with the term may be less
about religion than politics.
A poll conducted by the Public Religion Research
Institute found 66% of Democrats prefer stores
use the term happy holidays, while 67%
of Republicans say stores should only say Merry
Christmas.
On the campaign trail, candidate Trump promised to
bring back the phrase.
Politics aside, Mr. Trump's not the first president
to say Merry Christmas.
His predecessor used the phrase every year.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Past presidents also used the term happy holidays,
which comes from Old English for the term
holy days.
And Christmas is the only federal holiday based
on religion.
Serena Marshall, ABC News, Washington.
Right.
And there's no reason, unless they're apparently Democrats,
are the ones behind.
Yes.
Well, come on.
Aren't all millennials Democrats?
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm telling you, the sequence is Merry
Christmas, crazy religious people, crazy religious right.
There's a war on God.
There's a war on religion.
Not Islam, of course, but Christianity and even
Judaism.
I think there's a war on Jews.
So when you say Merry Christmas, it's religious,
you're crazy religious right, you're Republican, you're Donald
Trump.
And then the Jews on Facebook, who I'm
friends with, face bag friends, they had their,
and these would be liberal friends of mine,
and they would say, oh, go ahead, wish
me Merry Christmas.
For me, it's just Monday.
I mean, go to work.
What are you doing on face bag?
Do some work.
Tell them to talk about it with Hanukkah
Harry.
Who's Hanukkah Harry?
Oh, we talked about this on the, on
the Noah Gen, I'm sorry, on the DHM
plug.
I didn't hear it.
Oh yes.
Horowitz says that the Jews have a Santa
Claus-like character called Hanukkah Harry.
Because the kids, Jewish kids, they're seeing all
this stuff going on.
They got the tree, you see trees and
the Santa Claus and all this stuff with
the kids.
And so they've dreamed up Hanukkah Harry, and
apparently it's been on forever.
A lot of non-Jews don't know about
it.
And they have some sort of tree called
something, they've got in other words, a parallel
universe Christmas starring Hanukkah Harry.
So it's bullcrap.
They got to take the day off.
They're not working on Monday.
That's funny.
Yeah.
I thought so.
It's what it is.
Because I never heard of Hanukkah Harry.
No.
Daddy?
Yes, Felix?
Do they celebrate Christmas on their agenda?
No, they're podcasters.
They're too poor to celebrate Christmas.
Can we make a jingle for Adam and
John?
What would you like to make the jingle
about?
Donald Trump.
That's a good idea.
Get ready to shout.
Get ready to cry.
Get ready to pout.
I'm telling you why.
Donald Trump is coming into town.
You better resist.
Get into a fight.
You're going to take on the fascist old
right.
Donald Trump is coming into town.
He's literally a clown.
We know he's full of hate.
But Daddy, he's not.
It's time for a laugh.
I'm telling you why.
Donald Trump is coming into town.
Daddy, what's the difference between Santa and Donald
Trump?
I don't know.
Santa's good for bells, and Donald Trump's good
for jingles.
Donald Trump is coming into town.
Get the anti-the flags.
Start flying it high.
Set fire to shit.
Punch the land-above guys.
Donald Trump is coming into town.
We know he's pure evil.
We know he's Putin's mate.
We all know Maxine Waters would punch him
in the night.
Yet the antifa flags start flying high As
if by this shit, I'm trolling white guys
Donald Trump is coming to town Donald Trump
is coming to town Please don't eat me
Donald Trump!
Are we done?
I'm gonna show my salute by donating to
No Agenda Imagine all the people who could
do that Oh yeah, that'd be fab Yeah,
on No Agenda In the morning See, I
told you, a lot of cussing, you heard
it Well, this is my first time listening
to this, it's quite entertaining Yeah, you could
probably knock it off I did knock it
off, now I'm clean I'm the clean version,
I'm Mr. Clean baby, Mr. Clean I think
I'm gonna probably, I'm gonna stop cussing at
all Except once a show Okay, and it's
gonna be so on point, it's just gonna,
everyone's gonna go, wow!
That was the perfect moment Exactly Okay, well
even though we are taking this one short
break For the first in all the Christmases
that we've actually continued to do the show
We do appreciate your thoughts and prayers And
love and gifts during this giving season Yeah,
the show must go on so people still
have to help us Yes, and you can
It costs the same amount to ship this
show as it does the rest of them
It actually does And we're actually working, hello,
I'm talking now, you're talking It's not like
we're not doing anything Yeah, it got recorded
at some point, it was so funny I'm
trying to, John and Adam trying to coordinate
something Is, you know, you don't want us
running the government Or certainly not the military
Like imagine us coordinating D-Day It's like,
because normally we record Of all things to
think of, D-Day Just, because that was
a big coordinated effort That's what it feels
like for us to That reminds me of
the joke So what is, what's worse than
finding an apple Or I'm sorry, let me
illustrate You blew it already I blew it,
I'm starting over So what's worse than finding
a worm in an apple I know the
answer What?
Half a worm No, the holocaust Appropriate,
appropriate All the Candio fans are laughing And
I do wish all of our friends All
of our friends are very I hope they
can be calm during the Christmas season Tucker,
Candy, Nick, Megan Yeah, that's the group Dave
Smith, Dave Rubin, everyone's jumping on it I
guess Bannon spoke at the thing too And
nobody talks about Bannon at all It's like,
they're all Bannon, oh yeah, he was there
He's kind of been cut out Well of
the clips, it's just the clips You know,
no one watches these No one watches full
anything anymore That's why we're still audio Because
you're kind of like, well I've got some
time to kill anyway If it's video, you
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Boxes.
Yeah, you give each other boxes.
Why go and alienate our UK producers?
Well, they picked up on Boxing Day in
Canada.
They used to have Boxing Day up there.
Now we're thinking about it.
People talk about it.
I bet it's going to be a millennial
thing.
Boxing Day.
You watch.
You can just put money on it.
I always thought, you know, I think originally
I thought it was some Australian thing, because
that's what it was in the UK, and
it had to do with kangaroos.
Boxing.
I always visualized a couple kangaroos with boxing
gloves on on Boxing Day.
Well, I'm glad that you've been put straight.
But again, I think it's a fine millennial
trait.
That's how it'll be brought in.
Boxing Day.
Oh, yes.
We have Friendsgiving and Boxing Day.
We don't celebrate Christmas.
We celebrate Boxing Day.
Don't you see?
It's headed that way.
Celebrate Boxing Day.
We celebrate Boxing Day.
Christmas is pre-Boxing Day.
So, people will put up with a lot.
And that's apparent in the United Kingdom.
Christmas is cancelled in the UK.
We cannot continue with Christmas as planned.
We cannot continue.
It was all over the news.
The US media loved talking about this story.
In the United Kingdom, a new variant of
the coronavirus is spreading rapidly.
And today, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced new
restrictions for areas in Britain's southeast, including London.
He urged all residents to stay home for
the upcoming Christmas holiday.
It is with a very heavy heart.
I must tell you, we cannot continue with
Christmas as planned.
The variant has turned up in several other
countries and mutations are not unusual.
British officials say this variant does not appear
to be deadlier, but it does spread more
rapidly.
Man, I'm going to call some major bullshit
on this.
This makes no sense.
This new variant, we touched on it briefly
on Thursday.
But, come on.
There's been talk of different strains for months.
It's never an issue.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing to see here.
Don't look at it.
Now, we've got to cancel Christmas.
Oh, yeah, because of this strain.
Man, and they brought this out at 5
o'clock in the afternoon with the deadline
by midnight.
People went crazy trying to get up north
anywhere, anywhere out of the central, central east
part of the country to just avoid being
locked in your home.
Get out of London, people.
And here's the crazy thing.
The Netherlands just announced, I'm sure other EU
member states will follow.
They're stopping all flights from and to the
United Kingdom.
A smaller Christmas is going to be a
safer Christmas, and a shorter Christmas is a
safer Christmas.
This is our common Christmas.
In Paris, Christmas lights and the nightly curfew.
It's a horrible thing to think that we
would be here as the World Health Organization
saying to people, don't hug each other.
It's terrible.
But this year, if you love your family,
if you really care about your family, we
won't have these get togethers.
What we're going to do is I will
guarantee you that grandpa or grandma won't be
here for Christmas.
This is our COVID Christmas.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Everywhere you go.
Take a look at the big box stores
opening once more.
While restaurants and bars are told no.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Employees to stay indoors.
But the jittiest sight to see is the
media will be broadcasting fear porn.
Slaves that are mutinous, sovereigns that shoot are
the wishes of Tony and Bill.
They will use science to ensure compliance till
all of our veins have been filled.
And they'll take it live on TV just
to prove that it won't kill.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Everywhere you go.
Empty chairs and empty tables.
People who just weren't able to wear a
mask wherever they did go.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Soon Freedom Pass will start.
But the thing that'll make you free is
the mRNA vaccine plunged into your arm.
Well, none of the vaccines at this point
appear like they'll work with a single dose.
You know, the side effects were not super
severe.
That is, it didn't cause permanent health problems.
Are these vaccines safe?
Yeah, but some of that is not dramatic
where, you know, it's just, you know, super
painful.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Soon Freedom Pass will start.
But the thing that'll make you free is
that mRNA vaccine plunged into your
arm.
It's COVID Christmas for sure.
You know, you can't sugarcoat it anymore.
It's all about human life.
No kidding.
Have you noticed that the news reports on
COVID deaths initially often stated the age of
the victim, but now it is seldom mentioned?
No, of course we can't have that.
We can't have you figuring out statistics for
yourself.
My question to COVID fear mongers, how many
of these supposedly died of COVID would have
been alive today if there was no virus?
Probably less than half.
The empty chair guilt trip narrative is mostly
false.
I love the empty chair.
Oh, there's going to be an empty chair.
There's always an empty chair unless you don't
have enough chairs.
Don't you think?
And why, and if grandma dies, do you
actually leave an empty chair open at the
table?
With a meal in front of it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For grandma?
With a place setting?
Possible.
Come next Thanksgiving and Christmas, there will be
empty chairs, but most of these empty chairs
will be due to diseases other than COVID.
Also, most empty chairs caused by COVID all
will be because of the virus being contracted
somewhere besides the family get together.
Family members will hear being cheated out of
out of a final gathering with their final
gathering with their non now departed relatives because
of the government induced fear funded by taxpayers,
of course, and promoted by the media.
Hello.
Yeah.
Yay.
Sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
We got to wrap this up, but I
did want to make mention.
There is a song in the Netherlands, which
was done by you.
Who is a which is old school name
for stand up comic in the old world.
And he wrote this song.
This must be 40 years ago called Floppy.
And Floppy is a song about a rabbit,
hence the flappy, flappy ears.
And what happens to flappy this poor boy's
pet rabbit on Christmas Day?
And would you believe that this song, this
floppy song has been covered by Todd Rundgren
of all people.
And I just want to play a little
bit.
You can guess how it ends, but it's
just so weird to have this old traditional
Dutch song.
Creepy one covered by Todd Rundgren.
It was Christmas morning, 1961.
I recall the empty pen where my rabbit
belonged.
And my mother told me, don't go in
the shed.
And if I just behaved, then I'd get
something yummy later on.
She also didn't know where floppy was and
said she'd ask my dad who was busy
in the shed.
So you know what happens at the end
of the song, right?
The rabbit's dead.
Yeah, they eat the rabbit for Christmas dinner.
Yeah.
I can't believe Todd Rundgren covered this.
Well, maybe he likes rabbits.
It's a horrible, sad song.
The kid's running all over the place trying
to find flappy.
Flappy.
And he's not in the shed.
Where's flappy?
And then he's on the table.
They ate flappy.
Yeah, well, it's kind of a sick.
It's not hor- sick.
It's very sick.
I just found it very odd that Todd
Rundgren would do that, but maybe that's Todd.
Will Santa still be able to visit me
in coronavirus's season?
What if he can't go to anyone's house?
Or near Miss Reindeer?
He's level of immunity.
He can hunt down the chimpanzee.
He's level of immunity.
He can hunt down the chimpanzee.
Hold on a second.
Yes, yes.
Did he not vaccinate Mrs. Claus?
He doesn't count.
He's a misogynist old freak that died.
Corona, if this is true.
From the elves.
Nothing about the elves in the workshop.
Everybody else taking a shot?
Yeah, two.
Everyone gets two shots.
I'm vaccinated Santa Claus.
I'm
vaccinated
Santa Claus.
You got 15 minutes.
That's that's the message I would be putting
out there.
That would be the yes.
And if there'd be pamphlets blown into the
air or something.
I mean, you do something.
You just don't blow something up and then
have somebody else theorize.
It was about 5G.
No, no, no, no.
You're making a protest about 5G.
You're protesting.
Yeah, but well, let's listen to this 25
seconds before the explosion.
Because someone did something interesting, which I want
to try on you.
I don't think it'll work, but let's listen.
This area must be evacuated now.
This area must be evacuated now.
Also, I listened really closely.
Some isolation.
And what you're hearing before this area must
be evacuated now.
They say all buildings.
This is a professional type of announcement.
You know, if anything, it came from a
script that that has.
This is something that you might fight club.
In fact, I kind of suspect the the
smart light lamppost to be doing this.
That's the kind of sound I'd expect from
the government when they hear something telling you
to evacuate.
It doesn't sound very governmental sounding.
You're right.
It's a good point.
This area must be evacuated now.
Implying that there was some thinking done about
the the loudness, the blast.
If you can hear that message, then you're
within the blast zone.
It just that that is really I don't
take that one lightly.
And what?
Let's see if you get anything out of
this.
But someone reversed this audio.
It's my favorite devil trick to do.
And they claim now it's much easier when
you read the words on the screen.
Then I think your brain goes, oh, yeah,
I hear that.
But they claim in reverse, you will hear.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
This will be quick.
Are you ready?
And ends with Merry Christmas.
See if you can pick any of that
out of this.
I literally hear Merry Christmas to all.
I can hear Merry Christmas to all.
And the other one I hear mostly.
Are you steady?
Yeah, it's like you can hear it.
It's like looking at clouds.
You know, yes, yes, yes.
And you can hear what you want.
If you if you set you up, you
should not have given me.
I know I set you up.
I was dumb.
So I'm I'm already primed to hear that.
That's like the old trick.
You're doing it to an audience.
I've seen it done.
It's very interesting.
Is that picture of the rabbit?
That looks like a flower or something.
It looks like two different things.
It was anyway.
You tell half the audience.
It looks like something.
You tell the other half the audience.
And it's suggested.
And then when they show that you have
raised hands and right, whatever was suggested is
what they report.
So, yeah, I wish you hadn't done that.
I'm sorry.
I was pretty sure you wouldn't have gotten
anything if I hadn't told you that.
Yeah, well, that's the idea.
Yeah.
But I like it.
I don't know why someone would do that
and post it.
But I like it.
So will we really know?
Doubtful.
Now we can play Kovacs, Kovacs, Kovacs, but
slam COVID relief for millions of Americans remains
in limbo tonight after Congress and the White
House spent months negotiating the deal.
President Trump called it a disgrace and then
left Washington for Mar-a-Lago sowing chaos
before Christmas.
Shut up.
Now, John, before we get too far away
from Christmas, I do have a question for
you.
When.
Did Kwanzaa really become a thing in the
United States or Canada, for that matter?
Do you recall?
I don't know that it ever became a
thing.
It was an invention.
It makes no sense because it's supposed to
be a harvest festival or something.
And I say right in the middle of
winter.
Here, anyway.
Would you I could look it up, but
I know you have something to tell me.
Well, that's it.
Oh, that.
But was it during Obama's years that it
was waiting for Obama?
OK.
How far do you think?
According to the Book of Knowledge, just just
I'll just tell you that Kwanzaa was created
in nineteen sixty six during the aftermath of
the Watts riots.
And it was specifically an African-American holiday.
And his and this Maulana Karenga, who created
it, said his goal was to quote, give
blacks an alternative to the existing holiday of
Christmas and give blacks an opportunity to celebrate
themselves and their history rather than simply imitate
the practice of dominant society.
So this would be if you are truly.
He made it up.
Yeah, he made it up.
But he's refusing to acknowledge the fact that
a good portion, if not the majority of
black Americans are Christians.
Well, yes.
Yes.
Correct.
Correct.
So he's insulting them in some way.
I don't know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa.
Yes, you do.
Very famous.
Yeah.
Very famous person who celebrates Kwanzaa.
You know.
No, no, no.
No.
And let me just specify.
Kwanzaa is celebrated on the winter solstice, December
21st.
So this came out on the 25th on
Christmas.
This is the most famous person who celebrates
Kwanzaa.
Happy holidays, everyone.
I wanted to take a moment to send
my warmest wishes to everyone celebrating Kwanzaa.
Like so many other holidays, we will be
celebrating Kwanzaa a little differently this season in
our home.
We'll be doing it over Zoom.
You know, my sister and I, we grew
up celebrating Kwanzaa.
Every year, our family and our extended family,
we would gather around.
She's so full of crap.
Multiple generations.
And we tell stories.
Hold on a second.
So in Canada, when she was growing up,
because that's where she grew up.
But maybe after she was 12, when she
got back to the United States, they started
celebrating Kwanzaa.
But she makes it sound like this was
really a thing in her non-African American
household, which is an African...
Actually, it is the worst form of cultural
appropriation you can do as a person, I
think, regarding Kwanzaa.
It's pretend that you celebrated it.
You're not African American.
It's not a black thing, lady.
It's an African American thing.
If that, because I agree, if I say
to Mo, happy Kwanzaa, he spit takes at
me.
You're like, bro, we're Christians.
We celebrate Christmas in our house.
Our home.
We'll be doing it over Zoom.
You know, my sister and I, we grew
up celebrating Kwanzaa.
Every year, our family would, in our extended
family, we would gather around across multiple generations.
And we tell stories.
The kids would sit on the carpet and
the elders would sit in chairs.
Smoke weed.
Elders.
And of course, afterwards...
What elders?
The elders?
The cult.
What the hell is she talking about?
The tribal elders, John.
Don't you get it?
She's African now.
She's African Canadian American Tupac-loving Kwanzaa-celebrating
Indian Jamaican.
We'd sit on the carpet and the elders
would sit in chairs.
Smoke a peace pipe.
And we would light the candles.
And of course, afterwards, have a beautiful meal.
And of course, there was always...
Yeah, go ahead.
This is a great piece.
There's much more coming.
Somebody has got her...
Somebody convinced her to do this.
I don't believe she came up with this
idea on her own.
Yeah, yeah, you gotta do that.
I think they're making a fool out of
her.
But wait until you hear how deep she
goes.
I mean, it's one...
I think I could pull this off.
The way she's doing...
She's lying.
There's no way...
You think?
There's no way that she celebrated Kwanzaa with
the elders in Candanavia with her Indian mother,
her Jamaican dad.
There's just no way.
Light the candles.
No, there's no way.
No, there's no way.
Hold on, let's listen to this.
Light the candles.
We'd sit on the carpet and the elders
would sit in chairs.
And we would light the candles.
And of course, afterwards, have a beautiful meal.
And of course, there was always the discussion
of the seven principles.
And my favorite, I have to tell you,
was always the one about self-determination.
Kujichagulia.
And, you know, essentially it's about...
You know, it's about be.
Be and do.
Be the person you want to be and
do the things you want to do and
do the things that need to be done.
It's about not letting anyone write our future
for us, but instead going out and writing
it for ourselves.
And that principle motivates me today as we
seek to confront the challenges facing our country
and to build a brighter future for all
Americans.
So to everyone who is celebrating, happy Kwanzaa
from our family to yours.
Well, you know, one of the things we're
overlooking here is the way our fabulous rulers...
Their leaders.
Our leaders are dealing with this.
And I do have a Christmas message that
came out from Ontario.
We got a little Canadian action here.
The CDN is the name of this clip.
The Ontario Finance Minister, Rod Phillips, he gave
a message to the public.
Nice and uplifting, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
Here's a clip.
Now, I know that this Christmas is a
bit different than Christmases in the past.
We're meeting virtually and online and not able
to be in person with as many family
and friends as we'd like to.
And I want to thank each and every
one of you for what we are doing
to protect our most vulnerable while we celebrate
this very, very special but challenging holiday season.
It's all there.
The folksy hay there.
The fireplace.
The sip of eggnog at the end.
The lovely words.
A beautiful Christmas message from a politician to
his constituents.
That, of course, is Ontario's Finance Minister, Rod
Phillips.
But unbeknownst to us, that whole scene might
have been a bit of a ruse.
While that image and that video was tweeted
to Ontarians, we have now found out that
Rod Phillips was sunning himself on a beach
in St. Barts.
And it's been a big mystery as to
where is Ontario's Finance Minister.
Just a few short weeks ago, the Toronto
Sun started inquiring to his office as we
heard rumors that Rod Phillips had left the
country.
Well, how could that possibly be?
Rod Phillips is a leader in this province.
He is one of the most senior Cabinet
Ministers.
He is also part of the team that
crafted the lockdown rules where we saw the
big box stores stay open where the small
businesses were shut down.
He couldn't possibly have said to all Ontarians
stay home, shut down, and then jet it
off to a sunny vacation.
Well, it turns out that's exactly what he
did.
So as news broke that Rod Phillips had
indeed gone on a very lovely vacation while
the rest of us cancelled our trips, cancelled
our vacations, cancelled seeing family, basically cancelled Christmas,
did everything by Skype and Zoom and FaceTime,
just like the government told us to, only
move for essential services, the Finance Minister of
Ontario decided that he's going to get on
a plane and go to St. Barts.
Yeah.
Well, this is good.
And when she says, we did this, we
did that.
No, you didn't, lady.
You're lying.
No one's doing it all.
You're lying.
We're all lying.
If you say, oh, I follow the rules,
you're full of crap.
I disagree with you.
I think a lot of people follow the
rules.
My next-door neighbours, for sure.
The Libjos, for sure, because they won't even
get together with each other.
Oh, okay.
This is not true.
There's most people, I mean, yeah, there's a
number of scofflaws and other people that, oh,
let's just circumvent.
Let's do what we can.
My son and his wife, they're all locked
down.
Right, right.
Yes, yes, but do they not cheat at
all?
There's not a single time you say, well,
I really shouldn't have done that.
I don't know that they did.
I don't know this.
I mean, maybe they cheat, you know, in
some way they take the mask off to,
you know, to do something.
Yeah, yeah, cheat, cheat, cheat.
It's not like flying off the same Barts.
Do they have the mask over their nose
or under their nose?
It's always over the nose.
Oh, my gosh.
A little harsh, but you gotta live with
it.
There are rules in the world, so you
kind of have to follow them.
I'm a rule follower, so if the rule
is that we have to do it, then
I'll do it.
All right.
We know the police are searching for a
motive for the Christmas Day bombing.
It turns out that suspect, Anthony Warner, was
very interested in several conspiracy theories.
A source familiar with the Nashville bomb investigation
tells ABC News that Warner may have been
tracking a conspiracy about lizard people.
Now, authorities tell ABC News that Warner may
have spent time hunting for alien life forms
in a near state-by park, although it
is not the park that we've been...
That park has not yet been named.
The source tells ABC News that thoughts about
those conspiracies were found in writings associated with
the suspect, Warner.
This is an ongoing investigation.
At this time, it's unclear if these beliefs
are connected to the Christmas Day bombing.
The sources familiar with the bombers' thinking believe
that lizard people are running the show.
Wow.
They just...
Whatever you do, don't let anyone think anything
about this.
Okay?
I know there's no bomb crater.
I know there's no...
I know there's all kinds of carbon, blackened
soot, which looks like it might have been
a directed energy weapon.
They're coming for me.
But please, just keep focused on 5G and
lizard people.
I have more clips.
Do you have any...
Do you have clips?
Because I got a couple.
No, I got nothing.
I just...
I've been following it.
You know, the guys, you know, this is
all bogus.
No, this is beautiful.
Where's the guy's note?
That's what I want to know.
Exactly.
Where's the note?
Exactly.
What kind of good QAnon lizard people hunting
5G denier suicide bombs himself and leaves no
note or, as we would call it, a
manifesto?
Because this is bullshit.
All right, part three.
We'll take a look at these long COVID
testing lines across the country right now.
With the threat of Omicron and Christmas just
three days away, many people are wanting to
make sure they are healthy and can gather
safely with loved ones.
Stop the clip.
Okay, are you all right?
So there are people that they're not sick.
They want to make sure they're healthy.
So I'm standing there.
I'm doing 40 push-ups.
I'm, you know, doing some jumping jacks.
I'm doing some pull-ups.
I wonder if I'm healthy.
I think I'm going to go get tested.
What kind of idiots are these?
You're either healthy or you're not.
You know if you're healthy.
These people should be on television.
If you're catching something, yeah, maybe.
I think you got the sniffles.
I'll go get tested.
Why not?
But, no, these are people, they're just all
healthy.
They just want to get tested just in
case.
Many people are wanting to make sure they
are healthy and can gather safely with loved
ones.
It's actually quite evil doing this kind of
reporting.
We don't even know if that's true, but
they're reporting it this way.
And it's telling people, even if you're not
sick, you better test yourself.
It's very, very, it's a psychological operation.
And this evening, a possible game changer in
the fight against COVID.
The FDA has granted emergency use authorization for
Pfizer's antiviral pill.
Studies show the oral treatment is nearly 90
% effective against severe illness and death.
What does nearly 90% mean?
Is it 89?
Why not just say 89, 87, 88?
They don't have any numbers.
As we get closer to Christmas, demand for
testing is surging.
Surging?
Demand is surging?
What kind of, really?
Lines like this one here at this Washington,
D.C. testing site are long, and lines
like this can be seen all over the
country.
We are expanding our testing capacity.
Washington, D.C. is one of the latest
cities to require vaccines for people 12 and
older at indoor venues.
The demand for vaccinations and booster shots has
also caused long wait times heading into the
holiday weekend.
I'm getting my COVID shot, second one.
You had to put the abused child on
it, didn't you?
That's the reason for the clip.
It's horrible.
A little kid comes out, I just got
my shot, and I'm going to get my
second shot any minute.
But wait, why was that in the testing
clip?
They just threw it in gratuitously.
I don't even believe those people are in
line for tests.
I don't believe there's this big demand.
I don't believe it for a second.
Remember last year, March, April, Berkeley had a
drive-through testing thing.
I would drive past that thing once a
week.
No one.
Nobody was in line.
Nobody.
Here's the president.
One of the other things that we know
that has to be done is more testing.
Because Omicron spreads easily, especially among the unvaccinated.
It's critically important that we know who's infected.
That means we need more testing.
And on that score, we're now where we
should be.
Yes, we have over 20,000 free testing
sites.
Yes, we've used the Defense Production Act and
spent $3 billion.
A billion.
To greatly expand the number of at-home
tests available for purchase.
Hi, kids.
Just popping in with an update to let
you know everything is shaping up nicely for
Christmas Eve.
Santa, Mrs. Claus, and all the eligible elves
have had their booster shots.
Santa is well-kitted out in the best
layers of protection.
His mask is well-fitted, and the slate
is naturally ventilated.
So I am happy to report that Santa
has the all-clear to take off.
I'm also happy to report that all of
the reindeer are healthy and symptom-free.
But just to be extra sure, Rudolph has
had his COVID-19 test to confirm his
red nose is not a COVID-19 concern.
Hey, hello, Dr. New.
Are you checking on Rudolph's COVID-19 test
results?
Hello, Dr. Tan.
I was just looking at Rudolph's results.
I can confirm the results are negative and
he's free and clear to guide the slate
on Christmas Eve.
Wonderful.
I guess that red nose really is just
a light in the way.
What is the point?
Hold on a second.
What is the point?
This is a big lie.
No kidding.
I know.
I want you to play CBS Report.
Oh, no.
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that Canada is lying
about the state of Santa?
Santa.
And Nancy, the World Health Organization, also said
today Santa is immune from COVID, so we
do have some good news there ahead of
Christmas.
Nancy Chen, thank you.
What?
He's immune?
According to the World Health Organization.
Oh, Fauci.
Won't you get a little closer, my dear?
Jab me, baby.
Slip a needle into my arm.
No harm.
I'm an awful good slave.
Fauci, baby.
Hurry up and jab me tonight.
Jab me, baby.
A fourth and fifth booster shot too for
you.
You'll take care of me, dear.
Fauci, baby.
Hurry up and jab me tonight.
Think of all the fun I'll miss.
All the New York restaurants I can't visit.
Next year I'll be just as good.
A sixth, an eighth, anything you say.
Jab me, baby.
I want a shot and four is not
a lot.
But I'll keep wearing my mask.
Fauci, baby.
Hurry up and jab me tonight.
Jab me, baby.
Slip a needle into my arm.
No harm.
I'm an awful good slave.
Fauci, baby.
Hurry up and jab me tonight.
Shit.
Oh, I did it.
There it is.
My teeth just fell out.
All I want for Christmas is my two
front teeth.
Seriously, my front teeth just fell out.
That's not ridiculous.
If you don't mind.
You sound fine, and this is distressing.
You're telling me I sound fine?
All he wants for Christmas is his two
front teeth.
Well, now you don't when you make a
point of trying to sell.
You're trying to sell.
Sound like Dylan Dorn.
Be sure.
So it literally just fell out now.
Okay, we'll be taking a break.
We'll be back.
No, let's just go.
Let's just do it.
I'll go all the way through.
It'll take me 15.
We're so close to the end.
Let's just keep it going.
All I want for Christmas is my two
front teeth.
He's got karma.
I'm telling you, the world has gone nuts,
and we're just here.
We're here observing and either shaking our fist
or laughing.
Exactly.
Well, I do have something, a nice, upbeat
little thing.
I thought in the spirit of Christmas, we
would go back to the 19, I think
this is 1980s, with a Computer Chronicles Christmas
Gift Ideas with John C.
Dvorak.
If you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas,
we have yet a few more tips for
you from other sources, such as syndicated computer
columnist John Dvorak likes a new game for
the Macintosh called Smash It Racquetball, and for
the PC crowd, he picks Traveling Sidekick as
a great gift item.
On the hardware side, Dvorak suggests the Bechtel
Fanny Mac, a cooling fan for the Macintosh,
or the Curtis Computer Toolkit, including pin straighteners,
chip pullers, and other goodies.
John, I miss this.
I miss your lame-ass Christmas gift ideas.
They were good in 1980.
They were fantastic.
I love these little tools.
That's 42 years ago.
You're playing clips about me that are 42
years old and ridiculing it by today's standards.
No, I'm not ridiculing.
I want more.
You said lame-ass is ridicule.
I'm sorry.
At the time, it was great.
We all bought that fan for the Mac.
I think the Mac needed a fan at
the time.
Probably to cool it down.
I would just love to have some Christmas
gift ideas from you for an updated version.
I think you should put that on your
substack or something.
You're a legend, man.
You're a legend with this stuff.
I'm a legend in my own mind.
No, you're a legend in a lot of
minds.
So I think, yeah, well, I'll start doing
that next year.
All stuff like this.
We turn now to your health this holiday
season, and we're not talking about the flu
or COVID, but about your heart.
The risk is serious, and doctors are trying
to spread the word.
See, and literally throwing, it's not COVID or
flu.
Don't worry about that.
It's your heart.
This morning, doctors are urging Americans to put
heart health at the top of their holiday
to-do list.
That's because more people die from heart attacks
between December 25th and January 1st compared to
any other week of the year, with Christmas
Day being the deadliest day of all.
Doctors say the leading factors include family stress
and falling out of good habits like healthy
eating.
It's not just an issue that holiday heart
is a benign condition.
Holiday heart.
It actually is a very potentially serious condition
that causes people to develop heart failure symptoms.
Increased alcohol intake can also result in what
doctors call holiday heart syndrome.
Have they said it enough?
Have they said holiday heart enough times so
we don't have it?
I love it.
Died suddenly, holiday heart, holiday heart, have some
holiday heart, have some eggnog.
That's when binge drinking causes irregular heartbeats, which
are associated with a higher risk for stroke.
Is this true?
Does heavier drinking accelerate your heartbeats?
I don't know any of this to be
true.
And what I find peculiar is that I
think a lot of people actually eat quite
well on the holidays.
You get some nice bird meat, which is,
you know, it's not like eating a big
prime rib.
You've got some usually potatoes of some sort
or sometimes yams and vegetables.
Are you saying a prime rib is bad
for you?
No, I'm just saying if you're going to
look at healthy food, generally speaking, people would
say that a bird meat would probably be
healthier than beef meat.
I disagree.
I think the beef is much better.
Okay, well, no, I know.
You can take either side, but let's say
you have prime meat.
It's beside the point.
You're not eating a hamburger from McDonald's.
Let's put it that way.
You're not eating a wood chip meal that's
from one of the fast food places.
You're eating prime rib or turkey meat or
a ham or something that's well prepared.
Not true.
The Jews, they go eat Chinese crap.
Yes, they do.
Typically on Christmas, they brag about it.
I've talked to horror witches about this.
I'm on the inside of this.
Yeah, they love to go eat Chinese food,
but Chinese food is very healthy.
Are you Jewish adjacent?
Is that what you're telling me?
I'm a once a week Jew.
That's me.
Wait, there's more.
Certain people might be more predisposed to it,
but you can have no history of any
heart-related conditions and drink excessively or consume
too much alcohol during the holidays, and you
could create a situation where you develop atrial
fibrillation.
I have never heard of this ever.
Congestive heart failure, even in the absence of
any pre-existing risk factors.
A lack of sleep is another major concern.
A new survey found adults on average lose
39 minutes of sleep per night over the
holidays.
And if you're hosting a holiday party, prepare
to get even less shut eye.
Party hosts reported sleeping up to 83 minutes
less than usual on their party night, all
contributing factors that doctors warn could spoil the
holiday fun.
If you don't make time to take care
of yourself.
It could spoil your holiday fun if you
fall down dead from a heart attack.
Thank you, ABC.
Australia has an even more egregious way of
communicating that you just might die, you just
might be unlucky, but it's not from anything
that you put into yourself.
No, no.
A Santa visit is part of the Christmas
tradition for many families.
What would you like for Christmas?
One health expert says he's promoting unhealthy eating
habits, unless he loses a few belt sizes.
And I'm calling for a healthier representation of
such an iconic figure, which is Father Christmas.
Doctors say obesity shouldn't be celebrated at a
time when so many people overindulge.
Statistics show that there is a significant increase
of heart attack and fizzes to the ER
during this period of the year.
We should not associate this wonderful, joyful time
of the year with the need of overeating.
An idea professional Santas are losing their hats
over.
So don't be fat because you can die
from a heart attack, but they're conflating it
with Santa.
Santa's a bad example because he's fat.
So tired of this.
What firewood might tell us about the economy
right now.
In Europe, people are stockpiling firewood as energy
bills soar.
In Germany, the price of firewood has risen
86% in a year.
In Bulgaria, it's nearly doubled.
Even in Switzerland, where inflation is relatively tame,
the cost of firewood rose 26% in
one month.
Across Europe, people are bracing for energy shortages
this winter as tensions over the war in
Ukraine disrupt Russian gas supplies.
Trump tried to warn Germany, but they just
laughed him off.
Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy
if it does not immediately change course.
Other wood products are being impacted too.
The cost of toilet paper has spiraled as
the energy required to cook wood pulp becomes
more expensive.
High demand for wood isn't just an economic
issue.
Relaxation of logging laws has led to environmental
protests in Hungary.
Higher wood prices could lead to illegal logging
and overharvesting and a shortage of timber for
building.
Burning wood also emits more particle pollution than
road traffic and more CO2 than fossil fuels.
Even so, it seems firewood will help tackle
Europe's energy shortages this winter and nudge it
closer to energy independence from Russia.
Bloomberg suggests lapcats, quilts, and brisk walks to
stay warm and make the best of a
bad situation.
As we journey into the Great Reset, just
know that your unelected overlords at the World
Economic Forum are working tirelessly to create energy
equity where everyone is equally cold.
How is your country handling the energy crisis?
Reporting for the Great Reset, I'm the Tyrannical
Lisp.
This is how out of touch and stupid
these people are.
Nancy Pelosi was, and I'm just really negative
on our representatives here in the United States.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, Merry Christmas indeed.
In fact, Nancy Pelosi wished everybody, of all
denominations, all face a merry festivals, a merry
holiday season, a happy holiday season as she
left the chair of Speaker of the House.
Did our fabulous Catholic Speaker of the House
even say the word Christmas?
Let's listen.
Strong bipartisan aye vote.
Yield back the balance of my time.
And wish everyone a happy, healthy, and safe
New Year.
Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
You talked over it.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Schwanza?
Are you kidding me?
Schwanza is a Kwanzaa for people with big
dicks.
New Year.
Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
Whatever it is you celebrate, be safe.
She did say happy Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
She did throw in a schwanza.
You gotta love the schwanza.
You got the schwanzas here coming in.
This woman is horrible.
What an idiot.
Oh, goodness.
What are you having for Christmas meal?
What are you guys having?
Well, everyone's having Christmas scattered around.
Our true Christmas will be around...
January 12th.
No, that's right.
It's going to turn out to be around
January 1st.
Oh, okay.
But we have to have sunticking at Christmas,
so tomorrow, JC and Jesse and Theodore will
be over with a three rib roast.
Oh, nice.
For me.
Oh, that's today.
I'm sorry.
That's today.
They'll be over today.
Are you ready for them?
Make sure you're ready.
Make sure you got the three rib roast
going.
I got a cellar full of wine.
I'm always ready.
So they'll be over today for that.
Mimi will be having...
She's stuck up north because of the snow.
Of course she did.
And so she'll be up there with Eric
and the three kids and D.
And they'll be eating something up there.
And then Jay and Brennan will be serving
a Christmas meal that she's going to prepare
for his relatives.
And are you invited to that with his
relatives?
I actually am.
And you're not going to go, obviously.
Well, it's because JC is doing something and
the show is kind of eating into it
because it's going to be really early, so
it's not possible.
Yeah.
Well, Tina, the keeper, is cooking up a
ham, which we got from Nolocek Meats this
year.
I'm very excited about that.
That'll be delicious.
Those guys do good work.
They know what they're doing.
I got some bacon, I got sausage, all
kinds of stuff from them.
Okay, so that covers the food aspect.
Yes, we're done.
Ho, ho, ho, global citizens.
This is Santa Claus.
I am checking my list to see who
is being naughty or nice according to ESG.
The worst punishment will be for the climate
change deniers.
If you are naughty, do not worry.
We will not put a lump of coal
in your stocking.
Coal is made of carbon, and carbon is
verboten by ESG.
So we will just take your stocking and
your other gifts.
You will get nothing and be happy.
Another tradition is the leaving of cookies and
milk for Santa.
These cookies must be 100% vegan, and
the milk must be soy milk.
Under ESG, there will be no more cow
milk and, of course, no more meat.
You may also leave for Santa cookies made
with the cricket flour and a glass of
cockroach milk.
But even I will not eat this.
You will eat this.
Maybe not this year.
Maybe not next year.
But we still have plenty of time to
implement Agenda 2030.
So now is the opportunity for giving the
hugs, exchanging the gifts, and eating the ham.
Make the most of your unsustainable freedom while
you still got it.
We at the World Economic Forum wish you
a Merry Christmas and a Happy New World
Order.
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good luck.
You know Clinton and Cosby are Kelly and
Colby, Weinstein and Spacey and Jerry from Subway,
But do you recall The most famous rapist
of all?
Jeffrey Edward Epstein Had an island full of
kids Filmed them with politicians For Israeli influence
All of the deep state assets Were afraid
of his arrest They didn't want their sex
crimes Posted to the internet So one moggy
New York night The Clinton cartel came Cameras
glitched and the guards napped While Jeffrey Epstein's
neck was snapped Then all the media coverage
Said it was a mystery You're not allowed
to protest And we're blaming the Chinese Merry
Christmas you filthy animal Well that's an enlightening
report.
Uplifting for Christmas spirit.
Your Christmas spirit must be flying high.
So along with this, of course, we have
to...
My Christmas spirit is very high.
Well I find it to be ridiculous.
I thought the whole idea was you take
to somebody So you can chow down.
No, no, I think the reason why people
are stopping Is because otherwise you're throwing up
all day.
You know, it's like you go to have
Christmas dinner, I gotta go take a dump,
I gotta go puke, I don't feel good.
Tis the season for holiday feasting.
And now some using medications Like Ozempic, Munjaro
and Wegovy for weight loss say They're taking
a vacation from the drugs.
Unpopular opinion in the semi-glutide world.
Julie Stolkelly, who lost 38 pounds, Says she's
forgoing the appetite suppressing semi-glutide In favor
of feeling less uncomfortably full And fielding fewer
questions during festive meals.
She skipped her dose during Thanksgiving.
What I noticed was I was still able
to eat the things That I really wanted
to.
Indulge a little bit, I just had to
be really conscious About how I was feeling,
what I was eating, How fast I was
eating it.
For Kaylee Svensson, who lost 90 pounds on
Munjaro, Cutting back this time of year is
a financial decision.
A trade-off to put presents under the
tree.
It's something that is financially extraordinarily expensive For
our family to afford because our insurance isn't
covering it.
If I can make a box last six
weeks instead of four, That will save me
a couple hundred.
I think this, I'll continue in a minute,
I think this may be part of the
ploy to get this thing on Medicare.
Look at these poor people.
They can't.
In order to put presents under the tree.
They have to sacrifice.
Hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.
I know that I had a great Christmas.
We had one of the human resources and
her boyfriend here.
That was great.
And I made double-dip depression slave stew
for the day after Christmas.
Which everybody loved.
If you've never heard of that, it's a
No Agenda staple.
I've published the link to the recipe in
the show notes.
Of course, the Dvorak family celebrates traditionally On
the 29th of December.
No, actually, traditionally, we actually celebrate on the
1st.
On the 1st of January.
Which was done in the 14th and 15th.
Or the 15th and 16th century.
By the two doors.
They would always do it on the 1st.
And we feel this is more traditional.
We believe in a traditional Christmas.
So we do our gifts on the 1st
of January.
And are they doing it all at your
place?
Or where's it taking place?
Everyone's going to be here.
Oh, that's nice.
Eric as well?
Is he coming up from SD?
No, he's snowed in.
So he won't be able to come down.
Of course.
He's in South Dakota.
He's starting to talk like South Dakota.
Oh, really?
He's doing that now?
No, not yet, but it's coming.
I have to put my glasses on.
You can put your glasses on and look
at the lights.
It's the Christmas miracle.
Now, wait a minute, before you play it.
We've had animal stories.
We've had people stories.
Babies in tornadoes.
We've had everything so far, but we haven't
had this kind of Christmas miracle.
The holidays had a rocky start for the
Hansons, but getting their car back just in
time for Christmas, they say, is the best
gift they could ask for.
We got the news that it was stolen
right after Thanksgiving.
The only thing worse than having your car
stolen is having it happen around the holidays.
So it was gut-wrenching.
Matt and Christy Hanson love their 1995 Acura
Integra so much they invested $18,000 in
restoring it for their son.
But their plans vanished when it was stolen
from a body shop on November 29th.
It would be the best Christmas miracle.
And that was one of the things that
she had said, that it would really be
a Christmas miracle.
It would make their Christmas if they were
able to find their car.
Travis Christensen saw the story on KSL, but
no one could imagine what happened next.
It was like a needle in a haystack.
On a work drive, Travis spotted the car
tucked behind a building in Taylorsville.
I got a closer look at the car
and thought, man, this really looks like the
car.
And so I was able to go and
dig up the KSL article.
He messaged me, I think I found your
car.
He sent some pictures.
I couldn't believe it.
He didn't want any of our reward money.
He was just happy to get our car
back.
It felt really good to be a part
of that and help get that car back
to them so they could drive it and
enjoy it and continue to make memories with
it.
Travis knows firsthand what it's like to have
a car stolen, making this experience that much
better.
It's a really fun story to be a
part of.
This is another chapter in this car's story.
As for the Hansons, they plan to pay
it forward.
I think it's a reminder that we can
help other people more than we know.
Now as you heard, Travis isn't interested in
that monetary reward, but he says he really
wants to take a picture with the family
and of course, the red Acura.
I'm Darna Mejia, KSL 5 News.
Aww, isn't that nice?
You could have cut it down by 30
seconds.
As long as it's under two minutes, I'm
good with it.
Well, it was a nice miracle.
A Christmas miracle.
It's a Christmas miracle.
The red Acura is back.
Oh, I'm so happy.
A good news story from JCD.
Happy vibes for you and me, and we
all feel better now he's done his bit.
So back to reality, that's turning to shit.
Yay!
Good news, everybody.
Barreling down the mountain and broadcasting live from
the heart of Da Vinci's hometown here in
Florence, Italy.
Evening and morning, everybody.
I'm Adam Curry.
And I'm from northern Silicon Valley where it's
wet.
I'm John C.
Dvorak.
Really?
Really.
That's all you got?
It's just wet.
It's just wet, everybody.
I thought you were going to be in
Amsterdam.
No, I was in Amsterdam the first day,
and now we're in Florence because we're here
for Christmas.
I understood that you were going to go
right to Italy and to do whatever it
was you're doing and then go to Amsterdam
and do the show there.
Well, you have it exactly backwards now, don't
you?
Obviously.
We went to Amsterdam first to do some
stuff there, and then we went to Italy
for my brother-in-law's 60th birthday, and
we're going to be here for Christmas.
That's what's going on.
How could you get that so wrong?
I have no idea.
It's unbelievable.
So we almost didn't make it tonight for
the show, which was rather exciting.
Well, this is going to be an interesting
story.
Maybe not.
This is the Happy Holidays clip.
You're starting with talk clips right off the
bat?
All my clips are talk clips.
This is hurting the show.
Wishing people a Merry Christmas when you don't
know what holiday they celebrate is sort of
like wishing someone a happy birthday when you
don't know when their birthday is.
Like, yeah, I get the sentiment, but you're
a little off.
It's either here or there, but I get
a kick out of the people who insist
on saying Merry Christmas instead of just saying
Happy Holidays.
Happy Holidays, everybody.
We're back to this again?
We still haven't figured this one out?
We can't say Merry Christmas?
Here's the question on my mind.
When it's Fourth of July, that's a holiday.
Yes.
Do we say Happy Holidays?
No, we say Happy Fourth of July or
Happy Independence Day.
It's Veterans Day.
Yeah, but hold on a second.
This year, and I saw your newsletter, we
still celebrate important things like Kwanzaa and Festivus.
Kwanzaa's not a holiday.
And Hanukkah started on the same day.
Hanukkah's not a holiday.
There's no federal time off for Hanukkah.
There's no federal time off for Kwanzaa.
I see what you're getting at.
You're getting at the holiday part.
So if you say Happy Holiday, like say
yesterday or today, what are you referring to?
Why don't you enlighten me?
You're referring to Christmas.
Yes.
So why don't you say Merry Christmas or
Happy Christmas?
Because it's Christmas we're talking about here.
When New Year comes along, that's another holiday.
You don't say Happy New Year.
You don't say Happy Holidays during New Year.
Why is it only Christmas that this issue
comes up?
Because there's a hatred of Christians.
It's the only possible explanation.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the legend
that came to me, twelve years before extinction.
The world is going to end in twelve
years if we don't address climate change.
Eleven jingles jingled.
Someone's getting cornholed today.
Yum.
And her head is gone.
That is amazing.
This is a bunch of scumbags.
Can you see that juice?
Check, check, false.
Nine Trump rotations.
Narcissist, mean, long ties, insane, tweets too much,
small hands, small penis, big red button, criminal.
Eight glitches reported.
Glitch, glitch, glitch, glitch, glitch, glitch, glitch, glitch.
Seven Obamas knowing.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Six foamers foaming.
Oh my God!
Five emotional support goats.
Four job commas.
Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
Three John's chair squeakings.
Two little grilliers.
Yay, yay!
And an hour shot in dealer's choice.
Is this crown hog day too?
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.
Well, well, well, Sir Donald Winkler, you have
deserved your executive producer credit.
Actually, producer credit, yeah.
Which is curiously, in the biz, that's more
valuable than executive.
The executive is just, you know, is a
suit.
Yeah, yeah, you want to be a producer,
and you are one, Sir Donald Winkler.
We appreciate that.
A knight, a knight jumping in.
You know, I actually sent a really nice
note.
He said, ever since COVID, haven't been able
to support you with much treasure, so I'm
really happy I can contribute this way.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, that's how value for value works, and
we live by it, and we die by
it.
So remember to support us at noagendadonations.com.
We will return on Sunday's show with a
fresh new brand perspective on everything.
There's a lot of good stuff.
There's a lot of good stuff.
Until then, coming to you from the heart
of the Texas hill country, at Christmas Central
in Fredericksburg, Texas.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
Man from Northern Silicon Valley, where we're having,
you know, we're getting a little rain finally.
I'm John C.
Dvorak.
We'll be back on Sunday.
See you then.
And remember us at noagendadonations.com.
Adios, mofos.
Ahoy, ahoy.
And such.
Merry No Agenda Christmas.
John and Adam.
To all the producers and douchebags of Gitmo
Nation.
Hallelujah.
And thank you for your courage.
The best podcast in the universe.
aboutdvorak.org.
Merry Christmas, you filthy perverts.