1201: John's Story Time

Adam Curry & John C. Dvorak

2h 9m
December 20th, 2019
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Executive Producers: Sir Ruppenwaffles, Adam Curry, John C Dvorak

Cover Artist: Darren O'Neill

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  • 0:08
    this is no agenda in the morning
  • 0:21
    everybody I'm Adam curry from Northern
  • 0:23
    Silicon Valley where the weather has
  • 0:25
    changed once again to kind of nil I'm
  • 0:29
    John Steed a bright amazing how you can
  • 0:36
    do a weather report on the show like
  • 0:39
    there's no weather this is like
  • 0:41
    pre-recorded yes 12:01 we are almost
  • 0:46
    live which means we're not I'm on a
  • 0:51
    quick trip with the keeper in New York
  • 0:53
    John God knows what you're doing you
  • 0:56
    probably just sitting at home you're
  • 0:57
    probably just sitting in your chair
  • 0:58
    listening to the show as it rolls aren't
  • 1:00
    you exactly now this is a special show
  • 1:06
    and we actually solicited this you want
  • 1:09
    to explain what we're doing on today on
  • 1:10
    the show yeah what happened was one of
  • 1:12
    our producers did and there's been this
  • 1:14
    has happened a couple of times but this
  • 1:15
    guy decided hey you know I like John
  • 1:18
    stories maybe cannot make what would you
  • 1:20
    think if I put a collection together and
  • 1:23
    we ended you just be a bunch of
  • 1:24
    anecdotes because they're amusing and so
  • 1:29
    he did and we listened to it and it was
  • 1:31
    funny to a point of course I'm at you
  • 1:34
    know I'm more bad critical myself by the
  • 1:36
    way the person we talked about is Sir
  • 1:38
    Reuben waffles he was knighted for this
  • 1:40
    and Sir Reuben waffles and put this
  • 1:41
    project together yes let's get that
  • 1:44
    straight and then after that he did one
  • 1:46
    of Adam's stories because I felt it was
  • 1:48
    unbalanced and that would there were not
  • 1:50
    playing that today because apparently I
  • 1:51
    have enough stories to carry a show and
  • 1:54
    so that's what we're gonna play then
  • 1:55
    we're gonna start this off with Adams
  • 1:57
    kind of discussion of how this came
  • 1:59
    about and kind of a meta sense we're
  • 2:02
    gonna play that and that's gonna go
  • 2:03
    right into the stories I have a note two
  • 2:09
    notes one we this is too
  • 2:13
    but have been redesigned and gotten to
  • 2:14
    it we have introduced their project
  • 2:16
    which I think would be fantastic for a
  • 2:18
    future show a compilation show and this
  • 2:22
    is not an easy task it's only for people
  • 2:24
    who really have been listening to the
  • 2:26
    show for a while and kind of know where
  • 2:27
    to where to where to seek this out we
  • 2:30
    think it would be a great show to have
  • 2:33
    John's stories just one after another so
  • 2:38
    the stories like you know view with when
  • 2:40
    you're frozen on the motorcycle trying
  • 2:42
    to pick up the chick another one is when
  • 2:45
    you were learning how to you know fight
  • 2:47
    chemical fires with there's a bunch of
  • 2:50
    metal the stories last night but my my
  • 2:53
    first time I shot an elephant gun story
  • 2:56
    oh we don't know this story here's a
  • 2:57
    fine example no no I don't think so
  • 3:01
    alright so I'm shooting with this guy
  • 3:03
    first of all he's a Silicon Valley CEO
  • 3:06
    and he makes me promise to never mention
  • 3:08
    that he was doing this he's shooting
  • 3:11
    because he's got a huge gun collection
  • 3:13
    it's great to shoot with him mm-hmm
  • 3:15
    so I'm shooting with him he does mention
  • 3:18
    this one side story which is he says of
  • 3:20
    above all people he says do not tell
  • 3:23
    John doar and the kleiner perkins
  • 3:26
    because John doar is an extreme anti-gun
  • 3:30
    nut to the point where there was a
  • 3:32
    Halloween party research not recently
  • 3:34
    it's probably five years six years I
  • 3:35
    remember the story yes somebody comes in
  • 3:38
    with a you know like a kid's cowboy
  • 3:41
    outfit as their Halloween thing I think
  • 3:43
    that was Randy who's the guy who wrote
  • 3:46
    the riddle and the monk
  • 3:47
    Randy douchebag I don't know call my
  • 3:51
    cell Randy Komisar yeah comes in with
  • 3:54
    this with the cowboy outfit on and if
  • 3:57
    toy gun and apparently door went
  • 3:59
    ballistic over this toy gun being at the
  • 4:01
    party mm-hmm I've heard this story Amy
  • 4:04
    so we go out shooting and so I'm we
  • 4:05
    shooting all these different guns they
  • 4:06
    get the shoot of a muscle fireball which
  • 4:09
    is over the interesting gun to shoot and
  • 4:11
    some other things and so this is
  • 4:12
    elephant gun and so he says so I
  • 4:15
    actually hit the target that was a big
  • 4:17
    deal because you can't really aim it
  • 4:19
    because you can't really hold it steady
  • 4:20
    enough is you got you knows one of the
  • 4:22
    shots where you're where you're moving
  • 4:23
    because the damn gun away it's like 50
  • 4:25
    pounds and you're trying moving
  • 4:26
    around and you jazz it crosses the
  • 4:28
    target you shoot hoping to hit the
  • 4:29
    target that kind of thing but before I
  • 4:32
    where they gonna get gives me this it's
  • 4:35
    like a football thing is a bunch of
  • 4:37
    padding no giant for your shoulder yeah
  • 4:39
    big thing and so this gun you shoot this
  • 4:43
    thing and you go back about kind of four
  • 4:46
    feet just well you know watch it pushes
  • 4:49
    your bag and so I did that JC was also
  • 4:52
    shooting and I try to shoot this thing I
  • 4:55
    said no this thing is like it's not any
  • 4:58
    fun at all and so the next day I when I
  • 5:02
    took a shower this is a punch line to
  • 5:04
    the story I take off my shirt and I look
  • 5:08
    my entire chest the right side of my
  • 5:10
    chest was solid black and blues yeah
  • 5:13
    shoulder down to the stomach it was and
  • 5:16
    this is what the padding there's some
  • 5:19
    powerful weapons out there oh yeah so
  • 5:21
    that's okay so let's not include that
  • 5:23
    one but only got two then I took my
  • 5:30
    motorcycle up to Tahoe huh the CD became
  • 5:34
    yeah up there to see BB King and I
  • 5:37
    figured I'd gamble and how old were you
  • 5:39
    I don't remember
  • 5:40
    24 and something like that you have like
  • 5:43
    long flowing hair and I have very thin
  • 5:47
    here I still have to pretty much there
  • 5:48
    was the motorcycle what kind of
  • 5:49
    motorcycle I was a Kawasaki triple
  • 5:53
    burner okay
  • 5:55
    oh it was fast here would if it got too
  • 5:59
    long I get these split ends and make my
  • 6:01
    face bitch so I never could go really
  • 6:03
    long hair because it drive me nuts so I
  • 6:05
    go up there and I go to this at the
  • 6:07
    tables before the concert and I win I
  • 6:11
    don't know to $300 and I sigh stead of
  • 6:14
    spending the night I'm gonna come back
  • 6:17
    after the BB King country I go watch
  • 6:18
    that ahead of Gracie's right in front it
  • 6:20
    was like a lounge act BB King and you
  • 6:22
    were doing blow or just drinking no
  • 6:25
    Scotch no weeds bad enough with a big
  • 6:31
    gouges in highway 80 that you get killed
  • 6:33
    just driving back so I say the concert
  • 6:37
    stores around midnight say hell with it
  • 6:39
    I'm
  • 6:39
    driving home I'll save the hotel costs
  • 6:43
    and I'll just drive home hmm so it's
  • 6:45
    it's not quite snowing but it's below
  • 6:48
    zero so it's pretty bad you're aware
  • 6:52
    that it's snowing and it's but I'm gonna
  • 6:55
    get there instead once I get down the
  • 6:57
    hill it's not gonna be snowing for long
  • 6:58
    Wow and so I start to get the what do
  • 7:02
    you call when you get too cold it's
  • 7:03
    called hypothermia either I start
  • 7:06
    getting hypothermia and so I'm driving a
  • 7:08
    little and so I go into a gas station
  • 7:12
    and make the mistake of warming up which
  • 7:15
    is you know cuz you're gonna be cold yet
  • 7:16
    you want to kind of keep you you don't
  • 7:18
    want to go warm cold warm cold so I got
  • 7:20
    so I started shivering like a maniac
  • 7:22
    after I left the gas station after I've
  • 7:25
    warmed up gonna so once that went so I
  • 7:27
    started driving on the entrance there is
  • 7:31
    a beautiful woman hitchhiking I mean
  • 7:35
    dynamite you can see it was dressed up
  • 7:37
    in a lot of gear then you just your face
  • 7:38
    is fantastic and so she's in shaking and
  • 7:42
    I pull over to ask her she wants to go
  • 7:45
    but I'm so cold the freeze thing I say
  • 7:50
    to her and she takes a look at me like
  • 7:56
    I'm a crazy guy she pulls out her gun
  • 7:59
    she know she slowly walks backwards like
  • 8:02
    Homer Simpson says no thanks yesterday I
  • 8:15
    couldn't talk how to pick up chicks my
  • 8:19
    Jhansi Dvorak I visited the mansion or
  • 8:26
    the former mansion of the antebellum or
  • 8:30
    the Civil War I guess he was a state
  • 8:34
    officer Cassius Clay who was a Henry
  • 8:37
    Clay's I think his brother okay and
  • 8:39
    Cassius Clay had this place out and
  • 8:41
    outside I think it's outside of
  • 8:43
    Lexington Kentucky people are gonna
  • 8:46
    start writing dude you don't know
  • 8:47
    anything but I think it's outside of
  • 8:49
    Lexington so I went in there and Cassius
  • 8:51
    Clay is is very famous
  • 8:53
    senator and he one time a cannon
  • 8:59
    apparently and he was an abolitionist
  • 9:01
    which was not popular in the area and so
  • 9:04
    they tried to like fuck with him and the
  • 9:07
    locals and so then the including the
  • 9:09
    sheriff and then the local police and he
  • 9:12
    had a cannon in front of his house that
  • 9:14
    he filled with shrapnel and when they
  • 9:17
    came to you know either get him or
  • 9:20
    arrest him or harass him or whatever
  • 9:21
    they're gonna do he'd shoot it at him
  • 9:24
    which was his second Amendment right to
  • 9:27
    being exercised exactly and you know
  • 9:30
    eventually they stopped coming over and
  • 9:33
    he needed to do that otherwise you know
  • 9:35
    bad things were gonna happen to him no
  • 9:38
    thanks to the local authorities and I've
  • 9:41
    always thought that was like you know
  • 9:42
    people moan and groan about it's all
  • 9:44
    weapons hold her arrest this guy has
  • 9:46
    like I cannon that he's shooting and so
  • 9:49
    so I'm always thinking back on that like
  • 9:52
    what would have happened if he didn't
  • 9:54
    have the cannon I was in the luncheon
  • 9:59
    place at talking to some guy was like a
  • 10:02
    big one of these guys are with all this
  • 10:03
    concerts like I used to do and and I
  • 10:06
    noticed there's a one curious thing that
  • 10:08
    happened at the concert that I thought
  • 10:09
    was was odd in the middle of one of
  • 10:13
    those songs which one of the songs had a
  • 10:15
    break in it wouldn't and they they'd be
  • 10:17
    singing insane and going crazy and have
  • 10:19
    a break and then they didn't Jimmy Page
  • 10:21
    would rip into a guitar solo at the
  • 10:23
    moment of the break somebody in the
  • 10:25
    left-hand back corner let out a
  • 10:28
    blood-curdling shriek that matched
  • 10:32
    beautifully the timing and everything
  • 10:33
    was perfect for the music and it was
  • 10:35
    like it really added a dimension to the
  • 10:37
    song well actually I stabbed no there's
  • 10:39
    just somebody screeching and but but it
  • 10:41
    always it stuck in my mind is like
  • 10:44
    awkwardly perfect aha I went to this guy
  • 10:50
    and I said did you what did you go and
  • 10:51
    he went someone said some other day I
  • 10:53
    said did you notice and I pointed out to
  • 10:56
    him specifically this blood curdling
  • 10:58
    shriek at this one moment in the song
  • 11:00
    and the lemon back of the room
  • 11:02
    you know in the corner and he said yeah
  • 11:04
    I thought that was weird I heard that
  • 11:07
    too
  • 11:07
    so apparently they were ahead of their
  • 11:10
    times with setting these shills into the
  • 11:13
    audience oh cool yeah that's what I was
  • 11:16
    thinking but you know ever since now I
  • 11:18
    think I've been skeptical about
  • 11:19
    everything I had this book and it
  • 11:24
    reminded me of this I told people this I
  • 11:26
    can look at a guy and tell if he's had a
  • 11:29
    vasectomy really but his face the face
  • 11:33
    and I'm not talking about you know I
  • 11:35
    just get this straight let me just get
  • 11:37
    this straight
  • 11:37
    so amongst your many talents and
  • 11:40
    remember John has worked for oil
  • 11:41
    companies he's a master chef he's a wine
  • 11:44
    connoisseur he's a technology expert
  • 11:47
    he used to hand-deliver PC Magazine to
  • 11:49
    all 30,000 subscribers Bowler not not
  • 11:52
    only that but you can tell just by
  • 11:55
    looking at a guy's face whether he's had
  • 11:57
    a vasectomy or not yeah okay now how I
  • 12:00
    got clued into this let me back up a
  • 12:02
    little bit oh please do I had
  • 12:05
    oops ouch the backed up too far so I had
  • 12:10
    this book and I just worked no end that
  • 12:13
    I've lost this book although I think I
  • 12:14
    might be able to find it in one of the
  • 12:16
    library searches that Google and
  • 12:18
    Microsoft are doing I think is still
  • 12:19
    around it was a book done in the 20s and
  • 12:21
    in the 1920s a book on health in the
  • 12:24
    1920s vasectomies were used as a way of
  • 12:29
    making people look more youthful it was
  • 12:31
    actually a wasn't for birth control it
  • 12:34
    was done guy would say but it was done
  • 12:37
    for the purposes of like instead of a
  • 12:40
    facelift you get a vasectomy you make
  • 12:42
    you look younger and they showed all
  • 12:43
    these pictures in this book and and I
  • 12:47
    looked at these pictures and I looked at
  • 12:48
    enough of them and then I've known
  • 12:50
    enough guys who had vasectomies that I
  • 12:51
    look at that I could see what it does it
  • 12:53
    makes for some reason and it does you
  • 12:55
    know I talked to people about this what
  • 12:56
    it says it makes no sense because all it
  • 12:57
    does is this and that how could it do
  • 12:59
    what you're describing I'm just saying
  • 13:01
    in the twenties vasectomies were used as
  • 13:04
    a youth serum people get a vasectomy and
  • 13:08
    they look younger and
  • 13:10
    by a little bit but in fact they didn't
  • 13:11
    look younger they look different they
  • 13:13
    and it makes your face a little puffier
  • 13:15
    and a little more it's a little softer
  • 13:18
    or it's kind of hard to describe but I'm
  • 13:20
    telling you the truth I have seen and
  • 13:22
    I've asked actually done this with
  • 13:24
    friends that you know that have had
  • 13:26
    vasectomies and just but without coming
  • 13:28
    I said I just look at him so you've had
  • 13:30
    a vasectomy right and the guy said 99%
  • 13:33
    of the time I'm right
  • 13:35
    how's Judy javert Derby gift lessened
  • 13:39
    invert jae-in de la girl and in Unga
  • 13:44
    fell Detroit and John rod Mar and Bobby
  • 13:53
    there's nothing funnier than making you
  • 13:55
    say stuff in Dutch Benj
  • 13:58
    dawn watt Julie dawn Julie gender Warner
  • 14:01
    fantastic that you know you're Dutch you
  • 14:05
    when you go to Holland you were getting
  • 14:07
    laid so bad my friend if you just say
  • 14:10
    that what you just said there was great
  • 14:14
    Martin Van Garen Linden you know he
  • 14:22
    sends in this donation just to hear you
  • 14:25
    necessary it's it Martine for Colin lost
  • 14:29
    that Martine from Colin lost and
  • 14:32
    Highland last Colin lost on Holly lost
  • 14:35
    Colin Colin been a delay one yeah
  • 14:39
    GERD von creep me out Devon Street prep
  • 14:44
    trap trap trap play right here
  • 14:48
    forget it gear on hit one tribe and get
  • 14:53
    it together man what's right yes that's
  • 14:56
    right yeah yeah there you go
  • 14:57
    nailed it yeah yeah yeah yeah nailed it
  • 15:00
    oh yeah awesome nailed it
  • 15:02
    Jaron van are ok let's try your room
  • 15:07
    Joran von no don't be you're on your own
  • 15:12
    there you go fun our bond are it from
  • 15:15
    psych psych strike strike sky
  • 15:19
    strike no strike strike
  • 15:27
    jaren honey guy you don't hurting huh
  • 15:30
    you ruin haunting ah hooting ha ha just
  • 15:35
    don't make fun of it just try to do it
  • 15:36
    hurting huh hunting ha if there's no end
  • 15:39
    you're putting an end where there is
  • 15:41
    none
  • 15:41
    good thing you Heine put a ha no again
  • 15:45
    at the end there there's a but you
  • 15:47
    puttin the end before the T it's hitting
  • 15:50
    fat looting ha
  • 15:52
    Oh hoo I say what you're saying okay
  • 15:53
    you're right in winning in welcoming it
  • 15:59
    ok there's this woman that came on the
  • 16:03
    PBS Newshour and unfortunately the news
  • 16:06
    our ball has wonders that they are
  • 16:07
    wouldn't really go after her for not
  • 16:10
    answering any questions whatsoever she's
  • 16:12
    Lisa Monaco and you can look her up and
  • 16:15
    she just looks like a she hot no she
  • 16:19
    looks like a person that couldn't get a
  • 16:20
    date if she wanted to and I because
  • 16:23
    she's that's no no no I'm not gonna call
  • 16:26
    ya this year on video it's different
  • 16:28
    she's more photogenic than she is than
  • 16:31
    she when you see her me actually moving
  • 16:33
    there's a her Abe Abreu report.com has a
  • 16:37
    very flattering picture of her
  • 16:39
    well she's not flattering especially
  • 16:41
    after you listen to her wow I love the
  • 16:42
    one with her in the bra what no it's not
  • 16:47
    her yeah these son Monaco John are you
  • 17:02
    making it rain again someone's getting
  • 17:05
    cornhole today
  • 17:08
    John you actually just did a strip bar
  • 17:10
    announcement didn't you yeah I know guys
  • 17:14
    who do that John I've done it when I was
  • 17:17
    16 I did it in Amsterdam do they do it
  • 17:20
    do it and I'll play the clip well no
  • 17:23
    because it doesn't lead into the clip
  • 17:25
    problem but it gives these things out in
  • 17:28
    an a blip fashion what you have to do
  • 17:31
    here you you're welcome to the stage
  • 17:32
    when someone makes it rain everybody
  • 17:35
    give it up for Amber you already did
  • 17:38
    amber I like Raven how do you know these
  • 17:44
    things great from Reseda
  • 17:45
    here she is Raven give it up
  • 17:51
    up next bambe bambe edge of the stage
  • 17:58
    Wow you do know it okay I'll do Raven
  • 18:02
    then we getting them one come back to
  • 18:03
    you from Reseda here she is
  • 18:15
    ladies and gentlemen a big round of
  • 18:18
    applause for that critique hot bombshell
  • 18:20
    Janeane as she comes off the stage find
  • 18:22
    her at the private dance rooms where you
  • 18:23
    can live like a king with lap dances on
  • 18:26
    sale that's where your discount coupon
  • 18:28
    and free private dance card available at
  • 18:30
    the bar by 10 dances get one free now to
  • 18:33
    the main stage is Shirota
  • 18:35
    she likes dirt bikes dirty dancing dirty
  • 18:37
    boys in Star Trek as soon we would say
  • 18:39
    oh my Sharona give it up the Sharona
  • 18:43
    Julia died strolling down I'll be
  • 18:46
    joining a lesbian act on stage to bring
  • 18:49
    him up to bring him up
  • 18:50
    Joanne Donna these two hotties can be
  • 18:52
    seen at the club on Wednesday bud
  • 18:54
    wrestling entrance and we had someone to
  • 19:09
    forget his wallet in the champagne room
  • 19:12
    [Music]
  • 19:28
    all right John I don't know I you know
  • 19:30
    I'm gonna go shopping I think we do some
  • 19:32
    Christmas shopping I haven't even
  • 19:33
    started that's this week I'm gonna do
  • 19:35
    Christmas shopping I did get a good
  • 19:36
    bottle of a quality vinegar that they
  • 19:39
    were selling in a closeout price
  • 19:42
    yesterday I felt real good about that oh
  • 19:45
    I'm so happy for you you know then what
  • 19:47
    I always like to do is get a good white
  • 19:48
    wine vinegar I'd make my own vinegar too
  • 19:50
    but I don't use the what I with the
  • 19:52
    stuff that's commercial buy a good white
  • 19:54
    wine vinegar and then you buy a bunch of
  • 19:57
    tarragon and then you take half of it if
  • 20:00
    it's a big enough bunch and you shove it
  • 20:02
    in the vinegar and you just leave it in
  • 20:03
    there for about three to six months and
  • 20:05
    then you use that vinegar and it's an
  • 20:07
    outstanding product another culinary tip
  • 20:10
    from John C Dvorak the thing that's
  • 20:14
    interesting about PG tipps to me and a
  • 20:16
    lot of these other teas and we were
  • 20:17
    talking about st. Mary's has a nice
  • 20:19
    musical red label which is a competitor
  • 20:23
    is that the British over when they were
  • 20:26
    colonizing the world they did these
  • 20:28
    long-term deals all over the place for
  • 20:31
    things like tea so they essentially have
  • 20:35
    I don't know how long the contract is
  • 20:37
    for the verse tea providers but they get
  • 20:40
    some of the best team the workers they
  • 20:41
    kind of lock down these deals
  • 20:42
    permanently back in the 1800s isn't that
  • 20:45
    in some way related to upcoming December
  • 20:48
    16th where it wouldn't when we
  • 20:50
    commemorate the Boston Tea Party
  • 20:53
    yeah the Boston Tea Party is you know
  • 20:56
    there's a if you study enough American
  • 20:58
    history of course that this gets pretty
  • 20:59
    peculiar as to why the Boston Tea Party
  • 21:01
    took place but they were trying to shove
  • 21:03
    tea down everybody's throat and they
  • 21:04
    were also stealing it from China and
  • 21:05
    making them take opium but really that
  • 21:08
    was great that was later you boys had
  • 21:11
    some opium give us the tea one of the
  • 21:15
    guys in the papers in the 2000 that word
  • 21:17
    doesn't word two thousand page document
  • 21:20
    two thousand plus pages is Marvin Minsky
  • 21:23
    bigshot at the Media Lab major major guy
  • 21:27
    I remember running into him I fight II
  • 21:28
    personally he threw me out of a meeting
  • 21:33
    we need to hear this that tells us first
  • 21:35
    who Marvin Minsky is and then Marvin I
  • 21:38
    staked out of meeting one of the famous
  • 21:43
    artificial intelligence from the 80s the
  • 21:47
    first go-round and maybe even the one
  • 21:49
    before every thirty years or so
  • 21:51
    this artificial I didn't he kind of
  • 21:55
    write the book on artificial
  • 21:56
    intelligence wrote a book at least he
  • 22:02
    published it well you got me on that so
  • 22:06
    I got invited as a lark by will Hearst
  • 22:12
    to go into the Media Lab with the
  • 22:15
    executives of the Hearst Corporation who
  • 22:18
    are getting a a tour that you were II
  • 22:21
    didn't have to sign a nondisclosure
  • 22:22
    uh-huh
  • 22:23
    and I was like first and I were just
  • 22:26
    wondering we're in the kind of just
  • 22:28
    wandering we're just in the group
  • 22:29
    there's about one to three but maybe
  • 22:31
    eight nine people including the CEO and
  • 22:36
    Randy her
  • 22:37
    and all these other people we're going
  • 22:38
    through this thing and we're getting to
  • 22:39
    see the dog and pony show that they put
  • 22:41
    on which is where I found out a number
  • 22:43
    of interesting things that I used later
  • 22:45
    and certain columns because I could I
  • 22:47
    didn't have to worry about non-disclosed
  • 22:49
    being non disclosed on any of it and so
  • 22:51
    we're going from meeting to meeting